


These Golden Hours

by mybrainproblems



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - Ossan Rental, Coming of Age, Growing Up, M/M, Minor Armin Arlert/Jean Kirstein, Nothing particularly descriptive but I just wanted to throw that out there, Since I'm not sure how to tag it, Slice of Life, Summer Romance, There is underage drinking and a couple of parties... not sure how to tag that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-30
Updated: 2015-12-30
Packaged: 2018-04-23 22:04:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 57,309
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4894063
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mybrainproblems/pseuds/mybrainproblems
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>His parents are in Europe and his sister is in Japan; he's been left to his own devices for the summer with a house, a car and unrestricted access to a credit card.</p><p>Jean finds an ad for Rent-A-Gent and convinces Eren to hire a gent of their own. The first time was a dare, the second a redo, the third because a hurricane went through his living room (don't ask), the fourth... now he's crushing on a man more than twice his age who's making him question a lot of things about life, the universe and everything.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Not only was this supposed to be under 5k, it was also supposed to be Christmas 2014 gift for Crunchy and here we are in the last months of 2015, celebrating Crunchy's birthday.
> 
> I just couldn't help falling in love with this sentimental and weird genre chimera and just had to delve into it a bit deeper. Especially since I set it in one of my favorite summer places. The thing about this story is that I didn't just set it in a familiar place, I used familiar characterizations. If the 104th kids seem outlandish or odd or anything... they aren't. I went to school with these kids; children of wealthy parents who weren't _bad_ people, just naive and sheltered by their wealth. It was definitely interesting to write this and draw so heavily on people I knew in high school.
> 
> So here I am, ten months late with a short novel about summer romances and growing up.

“Do it.”

“No way.”

“Oh come on, you’re not even a little curious?” Jean was grinning at Eren from his place on the other end of the couch. Armin had already closed his laptop and was watching the both of them bickering as though it were a tennis match.

“No, I’m really not.”

“Bullshit.”

“Jean, I’m not interested in hiring a middle-aged man to do… whatever.”

“So you’d hire a younger guy?”

“I wouldn’t hire _anyone._ Armin, back me up here.” Eren turned to Armin, desperate for back up only to find a thoughtful look on his friend’s face.

“I’m actually kind of curious myself.”

“Well how about _you_ hire someone.”

“Because you’re the one whose parents are surgeons and your family is totally loaded.” Jean’s statement caused Eren to flush and look away. “Indulge your poor and unfortunate friends.”

“Poor and unfortunate my ass.” Eren looked up again, embarrassment fading as he laughed at Jean. “Your parents just bought you a new car for graduation.”

“Yeah, a _Fiesta_.”

“Jean, Eren does have a point. I borrow my grandad’s Oldsmobile.”

“Need I remind everyone here that Eren’s parents got him a beamer? For graduating  _high school_.”

“Used!”

“Yeah, because two thousand miles on a year-old car is _used_.” Eren buried his face in his hands and groaned.

“It’s not like I asked for it.”

“My point exactly. Share your wealth and good fortune with your friends. It’s what Marx would have wanted.”

“I _really_ doubt that Karl Marx meant that I should hire a forty-something year-old man to hang out with us simply to satisfy my friends’ curiosity. Actually I think that’s the exact _opposite_ of what Marx would have wanted.”

“Whatever.” Jean waved his hand airily.

“My parents would flip if they found out. Mikasa will flip _when_ she finds out.”

“Mikasa is visiting her grandparents in Japan and your parents are in Germany. They’re all gone until mid-August.”

“Armin, you traitor.”

“We’ll stay with you. It’s not like we’re going to abandon you.”

“You’re both assholes.”

“Lovable assholes.” Armin gave Eren his sweetest smile while Jean tried (and failed) to look cute and innocent as well.

“They’re called _Rent-a-Gent_ , if this is actually an escort service I’m going to murder the two of you.”

“They have them in Japan.” Armin shrugged, “it’s totally a thing.”

“Yes, and Japan is also the country that gave us tentacle porn so excuse me for being skeptical.”

“What is it, Eren? Scared of older men?”

“The hell I am.” Eren grit his teeth in frustration at Jean’s smirk and they glared at one another for a moment before Eren relaxed slightly. “What the hell am I even hiring this guy to do?”

“Just come over and hang out with us?” Armin frowned slightly as he said it.

“Nah, we need to do something more interesting than that.”

“Yeah and no way am I inviting some strange man into my house. I definitely don’t want to do anything that isn’t in at least a semi-public place.”

“We could get lunch at the Beachcomber? That’s definitely public.” Armin gave Eren and Jean a hopeful look. “Also a halfway decent raw bar _and_ it won’t be too crowded this time of year. Especially if we do it on a week day.”

“Well Jaeger, going to chicken out on us?”

“Hell no. You want to do this? Fine. But if he’s an axe murderer you’re up first.”

 

**

Jean had insisted on being the one to make all of the arrangements, borrowing Eren’s credit card – under Armin’s close supervision – to pay. There ended up being an opening on the upcoming Thursday and Eren couldn’t decide whether he was happy to get it over with so soon or if he was nervous because it was so soon. It was early enough in the summer that none of them had to clear their schedules; Armin didn’t start his internship with the Audubon Society for another week and it wasn’t like Jean and Eren had any plans besides bumming around on the beaches with everyone else once they were on the Cape again.

Eren should have known something was going to go wrong when Armin called him as he was driving to pick them up – something about Jean’s mom needing fertilizer for her geraniums – to tell him that they’d meet him there. But no, he wanted to think the best of them and believe that they would be arriving only a little bit late, never mind that finding parking _at_ Cahoon Hollow around lunch wasn’t always the easiest. Eren wasn’t even entirely sure how their ‘gent’ was going to get there either and he doubted that Jean had included any information about the parking situation when setting the whole thing up. At least it was early enough in the season that he could show up even after parking opened up and probably still get a spot. Holy hell wouldn’t be unleashed until public schools had let out for summer vacation.

Eren leaned up against a post and scuffed at the gravel with his foot and kept a vague look out; he had nothing beyond a vague description of the man he was meeting since Jean was the one who had organized everything. All that Eren knew was that he was looking for a man who was fairly pale, had dark hair, would be wearing a green short sleeve shirt and was named Levi. There had been a moment where Eren had seen a man who had fit the physical description but he was immediately flagged over to the bar by a group of people and greeted as Josh. Eren was starting to get fidgety now as the appointed time drew closer and Armin and Jean still hadn’t shown up yet. If it had only been Jean setting it up and Armin hadn’t been involved at all Eren would have ditched by now, assuming that it was a prank. But _Armin_ had been involved and he wanted to give his best friend the benefit of doubt. Then again, Armin _had_ been spending an awful lot of time with Jean recently.

He let his thoughts wander as he waited, the sun warming his face and arms as the cool breeze whipped off the ocean and up over the dunes. His eyes scanned the sparkling water looking for the dolphins and seals that would occasionally come by the beach. Closing his eyes against the sun, Eren turned his face upwards and took a deep breath of the sea air and willed his nerves away. Behind him he heard one man asking another if there was an ‘Aaron’ around and Eren turned to look for the originator of the voice. The man who was asking did indeed fit the physical description that he had been given; relatively pale, dark hair, green short sleeved shirt, and potentially named Levi. But really, the trait that struck Eren first was one that hadn’t been mentioned to him – the man was even shorter than Armin. He checked his phone again before walking over, noting that he was no longer getting any signal and hoping that it would pick up again once he was inside so that he could text Armin again. As he walked closer Eren was amused by just how much of a height difference there was between him and his ‘gent.’ He cleared his throat before he could laugh, attracting the other man’s attention.

“Hi, I’m Eren.” He held out his hand toward Levi. “Are you Levi?”

“Yeah.” When it became obvious that Levi wasn’t going to shake his hand Eren let his arm drop and tried not to feel too self-conscious as the other man gave him a quick look over. “You _are_ over eighteen, right?”

“What the –?” He gave Levi an annoyed look. “Please tell me this isn’t actually an escort service.”

“I wouldn’t be working for Pixis if it were but I’m sure he’d do it if it were legal.”

“Right. So how does this work anyway?”

“You set this up without knowing anything?” Though impassive, Levi’s face still managed to convey incredulity.

“My friend set it up.”

“What is this? Some sort of lonely hearts shit where they thought you needed a date?”

“No, that asshole and my friend were supposed to be here too but I think they bailed and this was supposed to be some half-assed prank.”

“Your friend paid and now they aren’t showing up? Hell of an expensive prank.”

“No, I paid.” Eren paused for a moment. “How much is this anyway?”

Eren watched as Levi looked at him with something deeper than annoyance, his mouth drawn into a thin line and his brows furrowed together slightly. He took a moment and sighed before responding to Eren’s question.

“Your friend booked me for the minimum two hours. Expenses incurred while I’m here are also on you. So basically $200 plus tax plus whatever lunch costs.”

“Oh.” The slight worry that had been settling on Eren’s face smoothed out and a smile slid across to take its place. “That’s really not that bad.”

“You’re one of the summer people here… and this is completely on your parents’ dime, isn’t it?”

“My parents kind of just left me to my own devices with a car, a house and a credit card.”

“So while I’m taking advantage of your parents’ questionable generosity I have to ask; what’s the limit here?” Levi was giving him a thoughtful look and Eren simply shrugged.

“Whatever. Get what you want. I was supposed to be paying for four people anyway.”

Eren wouldn’t say that it felt like having lunch with a friend but things were relatively comfortable between them. And while Levi’s manner was blunt and his humor somewhat crude, Eren found himself enjoying the other man’s company. Over the course of lunch he discovered that Levi was thirty-nine, a teacher at a woefully underfunded high school (he wouldn’t say what he taught or where), and that he enjoyed cleaning. After months of dealing with the onslaught of questions about his post-graduation plans including where he would be attending college and even his post-college career goals, Eren deflected as many questions as possible about himself. Taking the hint, Levi let him steer the conversation and they ended up talking about the Cape.

Once Eren found out that Levi was spending the entire summer on the outer Cape he began to make suggestions for things to do. He couldn’t help but be amused by the contradiction of Levi’s apparent insistence on things being clean and him willingly spending an entire summer in a place where it wasn’t uncommon to find sand in such odd places as on the top shelves of your cabinets behind a row of never-used plates.

“If you don’t like grit and grime and you don’t really swim how did you end up here?

“I needed to get away and my friend has a place in Wellfleet. I’m staying with them right now.”

“And you’re working because…?”

“Because not everyone has rich-ass parents and teaching pay is shit.”

“Right. Sorry.”

 

Two hours later found them parting ways, Levi giving a curt nod before trudging up the gravel drive towards the road and Eren heading to the parking lot to get his car. As soon as he was back on the main road Eren’s phone started to buzz madly as it got a signal again. The influx of text messages wouldn’t stop and he pulled over to the side of the road to check his phone. Once it had stopped its frantic buzzing Eren picked up the phone and found that he had twelve texts and three missed calls from Armin. Scrolling through, he discovered that the reason that they didn’t show up was because there had been an accident on Rt. 6 and it was only in the past twenty minutes that traffic had started to move again. It didn’t even make it to the second ring when Eren returned Armin’s calls.

“Eren! We are so so _so_ sorry!”

“You know, I thought you were ditching on purpose.”

“What? No way! Were you okay?”

“It wasn’t awful. A little awkward at points but really not bad at all. I can’t really say that he was nice but he wasn’t a bad guy to talk to.”

“That’s good at least. We just got back to Jean’s with the stupid fertilizer a few minutes ago. Do you want to meet up here or somewhere else?”

“I’ll just meet you there since it’s not really warm enough to go to the beach today and I’m not really in the mood to do much.”

“Okay, well just so you know I have to be home by six to make dinner. You and Jean are welcome though. Oh and in case you didn't see Sasha’s text; probably a quiet thing tomorrow when she and Connie get in and a bigger party on the weekend. Jean and Connie’s friend from winter soccer league is on the Cape with a couple of friends and they want to invite them.”

“Sounds good. I’ll have to ask my parents but I think they’ll be cool with me hosting.” Eren bit back a grin at Armin’s muffled laugh on the other end of the line.

“Just get over here.”

The afternoon passed uneventfully with Jean questioning Eren about his lunch and vowing that they would try to do it again so that he and Armin could meet Levi as well. Eren put up only a token amount of resistance before giving in and agreeing to pay again. He was vaguely annoyed that Jean ended up joining them for dinner with Armin’s granddad but didn’t really mind his presence. They’d been sort-of friends for years and had learned to get along so long for the most part and Eren accepted Jean as a friend regardless of how much they argued with one another.

Time slowed after dinner as the three of them relaxed and sprawled out across the couch in Armin's living room, their feet kicked up onto the coffee table. The laconic atmosphere hung around them as they settled ever deeper into the plush and worn furniture, relaxing in a way they hadn't since their final exams a few weeks prior. They barely spoke, simply passing a bowl of popcorn back and forth as they marathoned cheesy action movies and let their minds rest for the first time in months.

 

**

Eren was yawning deeply by the time he pulled into the driveway of his house, rubbing at his eyes as he pulled into the garage and turned the motor off. He had to blink hard a couple of times before getting out of the car and walking to close the garage door. Leaning against the shingling, Eren felt the mechanical hum of the garage door mechanism closing and he listened to the wind coming off the ocean and through the dune grass. He only stayed in the pale moonlight a moment longer before heading inside and out of the chill of the late spring evening.

He was tired enough that his mind wouldn’t settle on one topic for very long, his thoughts constantly flitting from one thing to the next; Sasha and Connie’s imminent arrival, Armin’s grandfather looking older than he remembered, whether Mikasa was enjoying seeing her family in Japan, how much time he and Jean would be spending together with Armin working, what his parents were up to in Germany… _Levi_.

And that’s where his thoughts decided to fully settle. The 'gent' that he had rented and was going to be renting again. Mulling it over, he came to the conclusion that things would have been more awkward between them had Levi looked like he was thirty-nine rather than as though he were in his late-twenties or early-thirties. Another conclusion that he ended up coming to was that Levi was absolutely in hot dad territory.

Eren frowned deeply at the bathroom mirror before leaning down to spit out his toothpaste and rinse his mouth. He yawned loudly as he walked across the hall to his bedroom and shucked off his clothing before getting into bed, shivering slightly as the blankets warmed up around him and debating turning the heat on slightly. Pulling the blankets around himself a little tighter he felt his body heat quickly warming up the blanket cocoon that he had created; his mind began to drift lazily again.

He would have to be the one to call Rent-A-Gent tomorrow even though he had no idea what he was doing and would probably have to explain that while he had paid for their service previously, he hadn't actually been involved in the process. On the hazy cusp of sleep his mind wandered uneasily into the thought that Levi's name might not actually _be_ Levi and that the Gents all had working names. For some reason the idea bothered him more than he thought it would.

Eren groaned and pulled the blankets with him as he rolled over, resolving not to think about it anymore until after he woke up.

 

 **

There was still a slight dampness in the air as they stood outside, the sun riding and catching the remaining morning mist and staining the air gold. The early green of the leaves was bright with morning dew, giving them a satiny look. The gold and green pulled together brightly around the pink building of the Boulangerie as the line already trailed out the door.

“He better show up before we’re at the register.”

“I booked him from 8am to 10am and it’s still quarter to eight.”

“I don’t see why we had to get up this early though.” Jean gave a tired look, circles were evident under his eyes.

“Actually, I have to agree with Jean. It _is_ pretty early.” Armin shifted awkwardly and gave Eren an apologetic smile. “And we went to sleep after midnight last night.”

“Rent-A-Gent said he was free from 8am to 12pm and you know how busy it gets here. Even when it’s still sort of off-season.” Eren yawned widely and grimaced. “It _was_ pretty stupid to stay up until two in the morning playing Mario Kart though.”

“You think? Maybe you and Jean should stop getting so weirdly competitive about stupid stuff.”

“But Armin, what fun would there be in that?” Eren smiled widely and nudged his shoulder at Jean who turned and scowled at him.

“Well maybe _somebody_ should stop throwing blue shells on Rainbow Road and actually try to win by _driving_ well.”

“But I like blue shells!” Eren pouted at the both of them and Jean shoved him away while the three of them broke into identical goofy grins.

“So are you two the no-show friends from the other day?” The three of them startled and stood up straight, smiles leaving their faces as they turned to face the man who had come up behind them.

“Jean and Armin, this is Levi. Levi, Jean and Armin.” Again, Levi ignored the attempts to shake his hand, simply giving each of them a nod. The both of them dropped their hands and shuffled awkwardly, Armin recovering first and smiling brightly.

“Nice to meet you.”

“Yeah.”

The four of them went silent as they stood in line, inching forward slowly towards the shop door. Eren scuffed his foot at the loose gravel on the side walked and watched as Jean and Armin stood silently and somewhat awkwardly to the side. Levi remained quiet, staring placidly off into middle distance. Jean awkwardly cleared his throat but shrunk back when Levi raised an eyebrow at him. Their silence continued until they reached the door to the Boulangerie when Armin spoke up.

“Have you been here before?”

“No, but Hanji said it’s very good.”

“Hanji?” Eren gave Levi an interested look.

“A friend. They live in Wellfleet. I've been staying with them.” Levi’s sentences were short and clipped.

“Oh, that’s cool. Are they in Wellfleet-proper?” Armin continued to smile as he tried to get a conversation going.

“No, not really. It’s in this woodsy area on the bay side of Rt. 6.”

“That’s cool. The beaches are a bit nicer there if you’re looking to swim.”

“I don’t really swim.”

They were spared the conversation-killing awkwardness of Levi’s blunt response when the cashier called out for the next in line. Jean and Armin ordered first and headed off to find a table as soon as they had their pastries and coffee in hand while Levi and Eren stayed back to finish the order and pay. Eren started to walk away with his own items but stopped when he realized Levi was still at the register.

“Hey, are you coming?”

“I’m getting a couple of things for Hanji. They love this place but they’re almost never up early enough.” Levi was about to pull out his wallet when Eren leaned over him and shoved his own credit card forward again.

“I got it.”

“You don’t have to.” Levi gave Eren a slightly miffed look.

“Well you’re on the clock, right? And I’m pretty sure Rent-A-Gent’s policy states that any costs incurred while you’re on the job must be covered by me. So…” Eren shrugged and smiled casually at Levi.

“Hn.” Levi frowned deeply and followed behind Eren, his extra bag of pastries and bread in hand.

The covered deck was a bit cool at eight thirty in the morning but they had all come dressed for the spring weather and the sun was rising ever higher in the sky, warming the ground below. Armin and Jean waved them over to where they were sitting at one of the corner tables, less enthusiastic than they might have been usually. Under normal circumstances their breakfast would have involved a lot of Eren and Jean jokingly antagonizing one another while Armin played the put-upon peacemaker and Mikasa tried to separate them physically. If it had simply been that Mikasa wasn’t there the dynamic would have barely been altered. However, with the addition of a man who was not only twice their age but also someone who they had hired, their breakfast was subdued and almost-silent; even Armin wasn’t trying to break the stillness surrounding their table anymore.

It was only when there were no more crumbs of pastry or sips of coffee to hide behind that they were finally forced into stilted conversation.

“What are you doing here?” Jean’s expression went from awkward to pained as soon as the words left his mouth. “I mean, you said you’re staying with a friend but you’re also working as a uh…”

“A gent?” Armin supplied helpfully.

“Yeah, unlike some people I don’t have rich parents to foot the bill for everything.”

Armin opened and closed his mouth awkwardly and Jean suddenly became very interested in picking crumbs off of the tablecloth. Eren fidgeted with his hands, trying not to appear as outwardly uncomfortable as the other two but still unable to diffuse the tension of the situation. He caught Jean looking discreetly at his watch and frowning slightly at it. Following suit, Eren glanced at his own and saw that is wasn’t even nine thirty – they still had more than a half hour with Levi. Eren was on the verge of trying to break the tension when Jean cleared his throat abruptly.

“I’m supposed to help my dad get the boat out of dry dock, so I should really get going.” Jean stood up and began to clean up the empty coffee cups and pastry boxes on their table. Armin stood up as well and followed suit.

“I promised granddad I’d weed the flower bed by the gate today.” The both of them stood, looking at Eren expectantly. For a brief moment he considered going with the both of them; Armin had driven so he could easily go with them, no excuse necessary. And yet –

“Go ahead, I’ll walk home.” He returned Armin and Jean’s confused looks with a beatific smile. “I need to stretch my legs.”

Both Armin and Jean looked at him incredulously but turned around nonetheless. Eren watched their receding backs briefly before turning back to face Levi. He startled back slightly when he realized how close their faces were and caught the look of even greater incredulity on Levi’s face.

“Why are you staying?”

“It’s early.” Eren shifted backwards into his seat as Levi looked at him calculatingly. “It’s not even ten yet.”

“And what, you want to take a photo as a souvenir?”

“What?” Eren looked at Levi confusedly while the other man glared.

“Those were the friends who thought hiring me would be funny the first time, yeah?” Levi waited for Eren’s nod of confirmation. “And it wasn’t as funny as they thought it would be, was it? It’s awkward to have to sit down and eat with someone who you’re paying to be there.”

“I mean, yeah? It’s weird. Are you really going to complain about breakfast and getting paid for two hours of work when you only dealt with us for a bit over an hour?”

“No.” Levi gave him an amused look. “I really can’t complain about that.”

“I _am_ sorry things were weird though.”

“Why? Like you said, I got paid.”

“It’s not fun to sit at a table in complete silence.”

“I like silence.”

“Oh, um,” Eren paused, and gave Levi an awkward look. “I should probably head home. It was nice seeing you again though.”

“Likewise.” Levi’s tone was sarcastic but Eren forced a smile anyway.

“Maybe I’ll see you around again?”

“Don’t count on it unless you want to pay me.” Levi hesitated and his face softened a bit. “Thanks for picking up the tab on the extra food though. Hanji’s going to be thrilled.”

“Happy to help.” Eren gave him a genuine smile before jumping across the steps off the deck and heading for the main road to walk back home. He turned back to wave but Levi’s back was already turned to him as he walked to his car.

 

**

It would have been more convenient to go to one of the larger grocery stores on the highway but Eren enjoyed going into Wellfleet-proper even with the steadily increasing trickle of summer people making it more difficult to find parking. He was walking out of the Marketplace when he noticed a familiar man of short stature crossing the parking lot, a large bag of topsoil hoisted up on his right shoulder and a grocery bag hanging from his left.

“Levi!” Eren couldn’t help the smile that spread across his face as he bounded across the street towards the other man. He stopped awkwardly a few feet away from Levi when he saw the nonplussed look on Levi’s face.

“Hey.” Eren’s smile faltered at Levi’s flat tone.

“I didn’t realize you were into gardening.” Eren gestured at the bag of topsoil Levi was still holding on his shoulder.

“I’m not, but Mrs. Wilson is.” Levi jerked his head back towards to Marketplace where an older woman was talking with another shopper while they looked through the boxes of green beans set out in front of the store.

“Oh, you’re working.”

“Yeah, I’ve been hired to carry heavy things and put fresh topsoil on her flower beds.”

“What’s that like?” Levi raised an eyebrow, inviting Eren to elaborate. “I mean, what’s it like to be hired to do random things like that?”

“You never did yard work for people for money when you were in high school, did you?” Levi shifted and put the bag topsoil and the groceries on the ground, relieving himself of the uneven weight on his shoulders.

“Um, no.” Eren couldn’t help but sweep his eyes up Levi’s body and stare at his arms as they flexed. Looking up again, he shifted uncomfortably under Levi’s dispassionate gaze. “I mean, I’ve done yard work but mainly just sweeping leaves or pollen off our back deck.”

“Well imagine that except you’re doing that for someone else and getting paid a hundred an hour to do it.”

“Wouldn’t it be cheaper for her to just hire a landscaper?”

“Direct quote: _I want my gardener to speak English so he can understand what I want him to do._ ” Levi made a disgusted face. “Old people are great.”

“Aren’t you an old people?” Eren gave him a cheeky grin. He didn’t stop in spite of Levi’s glare.

“Fine, old _rich_ people. And I’m thirty-nine, not a corpse.”

“Is Mrs. Wilson a corpse then?”

“She will be if she calls me ‘boy’ one more time.” The grin on Eren’s face dropped immediately.

“The fuck?”

“Rich people are shits.” Eren’s mouth open and closed, unable to find an acceptable response. He brought up his hand to play with the hair at the back of his head and avoided meeting Levi’s eyes. The hardness in Levi’s face lessened as his eyes flicked over to Eren. “I’d say sorry, but… I can’t really.”

“It’s okay.” Eren’s voice was subdued as he looked up at Levi again. “Trust me, I know the kind of people you’re talking about.”

“I don’t doubt it.” Levi glanced across the street and frowned. “Looks like our darling Mrs. Wilson is done with her shopping. Scram before I have to listen to the two of you talk about croquet and garden parties.”

“I’ve never even played croquet.”

Levi didn’t respond to Eren, simply bending down to pick up the topsoil and groceries. Eren watched as he effortlessly lifted the heavy and unwieldy bag and – oh, those were some _nice_ biceps and deltoids under that shirt. Those were some arms he really wouldn’t mind wrapped around him and that was a body that he _really_ wouldn’t mind wrapping his legs around. And suddenly Eren found himself consumed with curiosity about whether the rest of Levi’s body was as cut as his arms and back. He quickly shut down that train of thought: Levi was practically twice his age and only a few years younger than his own father. Regardless of how fit he was the fact remained that he was _a lot_ older than Eren and while that didn’t make him any less attractive, it did give him pause for thought. There was also the fact that he had no idea which way Levi swung (if any way at all) and he was past the point of flirting with men at random before getting to know them first. Or at least getting to know them to the point where he knew if he was going to end up with some bruises and scraped knuckles just for offering dinner and a movie.

Still, it didn’t mean he couldn’t admire from afar.

“Okay, _now_ I understand why middle-aged women hire cute pool boys.” Eren mumbled to himself as he put his own groceries in the back of his car and began to back out of his spot and drive home. He continued to talk to himself as he drove. “I am _not_ going to turn into some cougar and keep hiring him. I mean, yes I’ve hired him twice already but oh god. Oh god I’m turning into a creepy middle-aged woman. Except I’m younger. Fuck, I don’t even know anymore.”

Eren continued to mumble for a bit longer before finally deciding to drown out his discomfort by turning the radio on and getting annoyed at how many commercials there were when he was just trying to find some music to distract himself.

 

**

There was always excitement when they were reunited for the summer. Connie and Sasha's arrival meant a party and without Mikasa's presence and threat of brute force, Armin was absolutely overruled when it came to just how big the party got. With Eren's parents away his house was the obvious location and while in years past they had kept it to just the six of them this year Jean and Connie had invited a friend from their winter soccer league and his two friends since the three of them were only on the Cape for the next couple of weeks. Eren had been mildly hesitant since he had never met them before, but Jean and Connie vouched for them being good people; Armin had threatened to call Mikasa but it never came to fruition.

Three drinks in, Eren had to agree that Annie, Bertholdt and Reiner were indeed good people and on top of that, Annie and Reiner were very _good_ -looking people. He ended up spending most of the night with them while everyone else filtered in and out. Sasha handed out what were decidedly _not_ ordinary brownies and Armin’s disapproving frown steadily disappeared the longer he stayed around Jean –information that Eren would mentally file away but ultimately lose track of. The rest of the evening passed in a blurry haze of laughter and dancing and eventually they spilled out onto the beach, splashing in the surf and kicking up the sea foam at the water's edge.

Somewhere along the way Eren ended up making out with Reiner and losing half of his clothing before waking up hung over and yet incredibly comfortable in his own bed cuddled up between Annie and Bertholdt while Reiner spooned Bertholdt from behind. Extricating himself from the cuddle pile was an act of mental and physical will; he was incredibly comfortable where he was but he desperately had to pee and Annie's version of cuddling included a much tighter hold than most people would use. Given the silence in the house he could only assume that he was the first person up and seeing as it was his house he figured he might as well play host and start a pot of coffee going and hunt down some pain killers for when everyone else woke up. He winced as he walked down the stairs and got a full view of the carnage from the night before.

Sasha was sprawled out on one of the couches and snoring softly with Connie curled up tightly by her feet. Armin was mostly hidden under the coffee table and Jean was curled up on the other couch with a large dick drawn on the visible side of his face - undoubtedly Connie's work. Eren let out a quiet snort of laughter before heading for the kitchen to start a pot of coffee and drink as much water as his stomach could take. As he set up the coffee he mentally thanked whatever deity might be out there for the fact that while he had a pounding headache, he was only vaguely nauseous. He was just starting to drink his first cup of coffee when Jean stumbled in, clearly unaware of the drawing on his face. Eren bit the inside of his cheek to keep himself from laughing, determined to keep Jean in the dark for as long as possible. A smile crept across his face nonetheless.

"You're in a good mood for someone who's hung over." Jean was giving him a suspicious look.

"Can't I just be in a good mood?" Jean raised an eyebrow and Eren had to bite back a laugh again as Jean got a cup of coffee, giving Eren a full view of the dick on his face. The lack of smudging hinted that it might have been drawn on with a permanent marker rather than a washable one. Jean sipped at his coffee and stared at Eren over the rim of his mug.

"I guess you do have a good reason to be happy though."

"Huh?"

"You got some four-way action last night." Eren glared at Jean.

"Actually we just slept together. Literally. We slept in the same bed."

" _Still._ "

"Still, nothing." Eren paused for a moment. "And don't say shit to them either. Nothing happened."

"I wouldn't." Jean shot Eren an annoyed look. "I only know Reiner from winter league and I don’t know his friends at all. Besides, I get more enjoyment out of annoying you."

"Thanks. I get endless amusement out of you too." They settled into silence, Jean alternating between sipping at coffee and water. The only noise was the ticking of the kitchen clock. It was another ten minutes before both Connie and Sasha entered the kitchen, both of them grinning when they saw that Connie's drawing was still on Jean's face. They managed to school their expressions back to (hungover) nonchalance by the time Jean turned to face them.

"Why does everyone seem to be in such a good mood this morning? Am I the only one with a massive hangover?" Jean gave the three of them a sour look and Sasha began to rummage around the kitchen for breakfast food.

"I think there are still some eggs in the fridge if you want to make French toast. Also the milk goes bad tomorrow so it would be great if we could get rid of that."

"Oooh, French toast it is!" Eren sat at the table nursing a cup of coffee with Connie and Jean following suit while Sasha started making breakfast. Everyone's familiarity with Eren's kitchen spoke of how much time they all spent at one another's houses over the summer. The only house that anybody would have difficulty navigating at this point was Jean's since his mother rearranged the house almost every year their first weekend on the Cape.

Sasha had already started putting the first slices of French toast in the pan by the time Annie, Bertholdt and Reiner entered the kitchen as well. Bertholdt looked uncomfortable as they entered the kitchen and Annie gave Eren an inscrutable look. It took him a moment to process the fact that they had woken up with him missing and had no idea where they stood. He waved them into the kitchen and held a finger to his lips as Bertholdt was about to point out the drawing on Jean's face. Reiner stifled a grin when he noticed what Bertholdt was looking at and Annie jabbed him in the ribs with her elbow.

"I hope your stomachs are okay because Sasha makes some killer French toast." He smiled at the three of them and they all visibly relaxed. "I just put a fresh pot of coffee on if you want any."

The three of them were just settling in at the table when Armin finally came into the kitchen looking dazed and wearing a blanket like a cape and sporting the worst case of bedhead Eren had seen since their final exams three weeks prior. He gave Eren a disgruntled look and pulled the blanket tighter around his shoulders.

“Couldn’t you guys keep it –” He looked over at Jean and his brow furrowed. “Jean, why is there a dick on your face?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those of you familiar with the Cape: _Yes_ , I know the Beachcomber doesn't open this early... it's called creative liberties. For proof that the Beachcomber isn't a made up place and is totally real and pretty neat, might I direct you to [ the Beachcomber's website](http://www.thebeachcomber.com/).
> 
> Now I'm not saying that PB Boulangerie is pretty much the best French bistro outside of an actually French place but it's pretty fucking amazing... and staffed by French people. To view their amazingness you can [check out PB's site and drool over the menu](http://pbboulangeriebistro.com/).


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I was in Wellfleet back in May and there were no more lobster roll stands? I'm pretty sure I didn't hallucinate their existence and I _know_ I'm not thinking of Cape May because a lobster roll is _the_ quintessential New England summer food.
> 
> Anyways. A good lobster roll is actually amazing. Bad ones suck.

“It looks like a hurricane hit.” Eren cringed at Levi’s blunt assessment.

“I did tell the receptionist person that I’d had a party and that it was too much for me to handle myself.”

 

Two hours earlier, with all of his guests having mostly recovered from their hangovers and capable of handling daylight again, Eren had realized just how much of a disaster the downstairs of his house was. Levi’s claim that it looked like a hurricane had been through wasn’t entirely inaccurate and the extent of the mess had completely overwhelmed Eren. His first thought was to call a cleaning service but the three that he was able to get a hold of were completely booked until the next week. After an hour of staring at the mess and hoping it would clean itself up he’d had an idea. Levi had mentioned that his ‘special skill’ as a gent was cleaning and maybe, just maybe he had a few hours free that afternoon or at the absolute worst, the next morning.

The receptionist at Rent-A-Gent must have heard the desperation in his tone because even though they weren’t supposed to book their gents less than twelve hours in advance she was willing to let it slide as long as Levi was okay with it. When she called back fifteen minutes later he jumped on buying all five of Levi’s free hours that afternoon, flushing slightly at his own enthusiasm. In retrospect he realized that the woman’s incredulity was probably less aimed at how much of a disaster his house must be and more about the fact that someone dropped over five hundred dollars without thinking about it.

 

“– not like you have a deadline.”

“Huh?” Eren had missed what Levi said while staring at Levi's forearms as he rolled up his sleeves.

“I said that with your parents gone it’s not like you have a deadline you need the house cleaned by. This isn’t an 80s movie where you’re trying to get everything back in order in the span of an hour before your parents notice.”

“I may have lived in dorms with a bunch of other guys for four years but I have standards.”

“And you can’t clean for yourself?”

“Didn’t you just say that it looked like a hurricane came through?” Eren gave Levi an exasperated look. “It would take me _days_ to clean all of this up.”

“You’ve clearly got the money for a cleaning service.”Levi gestured at the living room; as messy as it was, it was still clear that it was the home of a very well-off family.

“…they were all booked up until next week.”

“So you decided to call _Rent-A-Gent?_ ” Now it was Levi giving Eren an exasperated look.

“Well, you mentioned you liked cleaning and the website said it was your ‘special skill’ or whatever.”

"You do have cleaning supplies, right? Or do you always hire someone to come in whenever things get messy?" Eren bristled at Levi and gave him an angry look.

"Just because my family has money doesn't mean we don't do anything for ourselves."

"Hm." Levi hummed and shrugged noncommittally and began to walk around, getting a better look at the scope of the disaster that was the downstairs part of the house and Eren trailing behind him as he went.

"So...?"

"Are you going to keep following me around?" Levi's tone was snappish. "It's not like I'm going to steal anything."

"I'm just following to see if I can help." He paused and frowned. "Why the hell would I assume you were going to steal things?"

"A lot of people assume stupid shit just because of how you look or what you do. Don't tell me you've never lost something and assumed the cleaning lady took it." Eren shifted uncomfortable and looked down at his feet. "If you want to help you can go get all of your cleaning shit and we can figure out how we're going to do this."

"Right. I'll be back in a minute."

Eren went to the hall closet to pull out the bucket of cleaning supplies and vacuum, struggling slightly with the unwieldy weight as he re-entered the living room. He paused for a moment, watching Levi fiddle with the fringe on one of the lampshades, the delicacy with which he handled the fringe somewhat poignant. An odd feeling crept over him as he watched the older man and he couldn't help but feel as though he were barging in on something private. He had never really given it a lot of thought but he was suddenly uncomfortably aware of the fact that what was normal for him was far from normal for most other people. He saw the room before him as simply a living room, but to someone else it was the living room of a wealthy family's summer home. The whole room could be done in white because they could afford to have things refinished or replaced when they became stained or worn - high maintenance but maintained without thought. He shifted awkwardly and cleared his throat to get Levi's attention, holding up the bucket of cleaning supplies. Levi relieved him of the bucket almost immediately and so effortlessly and Eren found himself staring appreciatively at Levi’s body again.

Ignorant of Eren’s gaze, Levi began to organize cleaning supplies and took the vacuum from Eren shortly thereafter before moving to inspect the surfaces a bit more closely.

"Please tell me it's just the first floor."

"Yeah, the upstairs is completely off-limits during parties." Eren looked away, suddenly self-conscious about the small lie even though there was no way that Levi would know otherwise. He reminded himself that not only was there no way that Levi could call him on it, there was also no reason that he would care beyond whether or not it meant that there was more to clean.

"So what room do you want to start with? My vote is for the living room since it's the worst but it's your house. If you want to start with a smaller room that's fine."

"I'm definitely going to agree on starting with the living room. Once we're done with it there's really only the kitchen." Levi nodded and picked up a rag and some all-purpose cleaner before walking towards the bookshelf on the other side of the room. He turned to look at Eren over his shoulder and raised an eyebrow.

"You do know how to clean, don't you?"

"Huh?"

"Start with the higher surfaces -"

" _Yes,_ I know how to clean." He gave Levi a wicked look. "I'll take the tops of the bookshelves and the upper halves of the windows since you probably can't reach those." Eren grinned as Levi's eyes narrowed.

"I could leave right now."

"Hey! I'm a paying customer, aren’t I?"

"Did you read the contract you signed? If I feel uncomfortable I can leave at any time and you're out however much you paid. Which is an obscene amount of money for having someone help you clean."

"I was desperate, okay?"

"Just get on with it and start cleaning." Eren stuck out his tongue at Levi once his back was turned before grabbing another rag to start cleaning off the tops of the bookshelves.

They cleaned silently and after a while Eren realized that Levi was staring at him, curiosity evident. A moment passed as they stared at each other and Eren shifted uncomfortably.

“Yeah?”

“You didn’t argue with me when I essentially told you we were cleaning this place top to bottom.”

“Should I have?” Eren gave Levi a perplexed look.

“Most people do.”

“It’s pretty gross in here right now so we might as well. And like I said, I have standards.” Levi arched an eyebrow and gave him an amused look before turning back to cleaning the windowsill.

Eren mostly kept up with Levi’s pace, occasionally getting distracted and staring at Levi. The button-down wasn’t nearly as tight as the t-shirt he had been wearing the other day but it still clung to his shoulders every time they flexed as he wiped down the bookshelves and tables. He was also starting to appreciate Levi’s ass as he bent down to pick up random detritus from the floor, his face twisting up in disgust as he found multiple sticky patches where drinks had spilled and sloshed onto the hardwood floor.

“At least this isn’t carpeted. Please tell me you have a mop and we don’t have to get on our hands and knees to clean this crap off.”

Eren’s brain short-circuited as he thought about a _very_ different reason for them to be on their hands and knees but quickly pulled himself out of that train of thought. “Oh, um yeah, back in the closet we have a Swiffer thing.”

“No actual mop?”

“Apparently they’re gross because they hold onto dirt.” Eren shrugged. "Or at least that's what Asahi says."

“Not untrue.”

Eren turned quickly to go back to the closet where they kept their cleaning supplies, continuing to try and suppress the image of Levi on his hands and knees on the floor or himself on the floor with Levi’s hands and –

“Shit.” He let his head hit the wall with a ‘thunk’ before taking a couple of deep breaths and grabbing the Swiffer.

When Eren re-entered the living room the first thing he saw was Levi rolling the tension out of his shoulders, his back to him. He couldn’t help but wonder if it was all intentional or if Levi was truly oblivious to his staring; given Levi’s confused look at him simply standing stock still and silently offering the Swiffer he had to go with the latter. Eren fled the living room before he could see Levi bending over and mopping.

“I’m going to start working on the kitchen now.”

Levi didn’t bother turning around as he answered, simply raising his voice slightly. “Sounds good.”

Eren threw himself into scrubbing down the kitchen, loading the dishwasher as much as he could before starting to wipe down the rest of the kitchen. The pans that Sasha had used all went into the sink to soak off the dried-on layers of french toast batter, scrambled eggs and bacon grease. Eren was halfway through wiping down the fronts of the wall cabinets by the time Levi finally came into the kitchen. The look of resignation on his face quickly evaporated as he saw how much Eren had been able to get through.

“Not bad.” Eren bit the inside of his lip and tried not to smile as Levi looked around the room, clearly impressed by the thoroughness of his cleaning thus far. “I’ll start in on the cabinets on the other side.”

Levi copied Eren and pulled a chair away from the table to stand on in order to reach the tops of the cabinets. However, unlike Eren he had to stretch until he was practically on his tip toes in order to reach the tops of the cabinets. They worked quietly with their backs to one another, cabinet doors occasionally rattling as one of them had to deal with a particularly obstinate splatter. When he finished with the cabinets, Eren hopped down off the chair and began to wipe down the counters and stove. Once finished with his own section, Levi began to work on the counters as well, running out of counter ahead of Eren and beginning to tackle the dishes soaking in the sink.

Half of the dishes had already been washed and were laying out on a towel on the counter to dry by the time Eren was done scrubbing down the stove. He quickly picked up a towel and began to dry and set aside the pots and pans. They settled into an easy rhythm and Eren indulged himself every so often, giving himself a moment to look at and appreciate Levi’s taut and muscular forearms as he scrubbed furiously at a particularly dirty pan, a deep frown on his face. After another moment Levi’s body relaxed and the tension went out of his shoulders.

“I know when to admit defeat.” Levi turned and tossed the sponge in the sink. “That can soak off some more.”

“Well… except for that pan everything is done.” Eren gave him a lopsided smile. “Thank you.”

“This is kind of what you hired me to do. Which by the way, thanks for actually pitching in.”

“I would’ve felt really shitty just watching you clean.”

“Would you have helped out if you’d hired a cleaning service?” Eren shifted uncomfortably and looked away from Levi.

“It was just you. Services usually send three people.”

“And that makes it different how?”

“You’re just one person. You needed the help.”

“So you would have watched three people clean but not one?”

“No. Probably would’ve gone for a walk.”

“Why?” Eren could feel a strange flush of confusion and anger sweeping over him and turning his face red; he folded his arms in front of himself and looked at the floor.

“Because it’s awkward.”

“Why is it awkward?” Eren pulled his arms in tighter and curled in on himself slightly.

“It just is.” The tension in his posture held until he heard Levi let out a sigh. Eren raised his head and found an odd look on Levi’s face – something between thoughtfulness and frustration.

“Never mind.” Levi leaned back against the fridge, his eyes flicked up to the kitchen clock. “Well, you still have me for an hour.”

“You can leave if you want.” Eren shrugged and looked away again. “We’re done cleaning.”

The both of them stood awkwardly for a moment, listening to the drip of water from the sink and the shrieking of gulls filtering into the otherwise silent room. Levi pushed off the fridge and headed towards the kitchen door to leave and Eren felt a tiny bit of disappointment begin to make a home in the pit of his stomach. It would be rude to just send Levi off after he’d helped him clean the entire downstairs for four hours straight.

“Wait! How about dinner?” Levi turned back looking deeply confused.

“What?”

“Dinner. As a thanks. Because you helped a lot.” Eren tried to ignore Levi’s raised eyebrow and plowed forward. “And also I have food that I’d kind of like to finish but there's too much for just me.”

“Well as long as it’s only because you need to finish things up.” The oddly amused smile on Levi’s face put Eren at ease a bit and the last of the tension left his body.

“I’m not the greatest cook but there’s a bunch of stuff in here. I thought Armin was going to stay for dinner a couple nights this week but he didn’t so there’s a lot more than I can get through.”

Eren opened up the fridge and the both of them began to go through its contents, taking out everything that needed to be eaten soon in order to figure out what to make. There were things that Eren probably would have tossed if he’d been going through the fridge himself; slightly wilted broccoli, pea pods looking slightly past their prime, a green pepper gone slightly soft. Instead, Levi set them aside on the counter and began to ask Eren about what was in the pantry.

After about ten minutes of questioning Eren and grabbing various things from the pantry Levi instructed Eren to begin chopping up the green pepper and taking the stalks off of the broccoli so that they were bite-sized. In the meantime Levi placed two of the now-clean pans on the stove to heat and began to cut chicken breasts that had been in the fridge into smaller pieces.

“I’m done cutting these up. We could’ve gotten rid of the pepper though, it’s pretty squishy.”

“It’s fine. Put some oil in a pan and lightly fry them until everything’s heated through and bright green. You won’t need to do it that long since the broccoli and peppers are already a bit soft.”

“Okay, that it?”

“Salt and pepper. You said you had white wine in the fridge?” Eren nodded mutely. “Good, pull that out and pass it over to me.”

“Just salt and pepper in mine?”

“Do you have chopped garlic? I didn’t see any earlier.”

“Yeah, we have a jar of it.” Eren walked over to the fridge and pulled out a bottle of wine and a jar of garlic and offered the bottle to Levi.

“Thanks.” He paused as he looked at the label on the bottle, his eyes widening infinitesimally. “This is what you use for cooking?”

“It’s white wine, so yeah?” Eren heard Levi mutter something under his breath before pouring some in with the chicken.

The sizzle and smell of cooking food started to take over the kitchen. Eren noticed with dismay that Levi was putting dried mushrooms in with the chicken but didn’t want to be rude and ask him to take them out when they were already in the pan. He figured he could just pick them out once everything was done and turned back to the vegetables, moving them around periodically so that they cooked evenly. Even with the mushrooms, the chicken smelled good and Eren was mildly impressed that Levi could look at the contents of his fridge and find a use for almost everything that was about to go bad.

Their meal started out silently. Levi had merely hummed in response to Eren telling him it was good and that was that. They made no noise save for the gentle clink of cutlery on ceramic. When Eren was relatively sure Levi wasn’t looking his way he began to pick the mushrooms out and push them to the side of his plate before continuing to eat.

“You don’t like mushrooms?” Eren looked up from his plate to see Levi gesturing with his fork at the small pile of mushrooms on his plate.

“Yeah, not really a fan.”

“You should’ve said something. I wouldn’t have put them in.”

“I didn’t want to be rude. You were already cooking.”

“It’s also rude to not eat everything on your plate.” Eren could see the annoyance etched on Levi’s face but couldn’t help but be annoyed as well.

“Fine.” He was well aware that he sounded like a petulant child but he also couldn’t bring himself to care.

They finished the rest of dinner with no further conversation and Levi stayed just long enough to help Eren empty the dishwasher before leaving. As much as the shared meal had created a more social and welcoming atmosphere, the brief nod Levi had given him before the door closed had reminded him that this was nothing more than a monetary transaction for a service. A service which he knew Levi provided to numerous other people. He made no indication that they would see each other again and Eren imagined that Levi probably hadn't even expected to see him again after the awkward breakfast with Armin and Jean. Much as he might have wanted to see Levi again, he realized that in spite of how small the outer Cape was, it was still large enough that he was unlikely to see Levi again unless he hired him. He resigned himself to that fact, feeling slightly melancholy and hoping that he would at least get to say hello to Levi again before the end of the summer.

 

**

Eren bumped into Levi no less than four times in the week since he had helped clean his house.

They had said a quick hello at the Marketplace in Wellfleet; Levi paying as Eren entered.

Another time they’d had a short conversation about coincidences when they saw each other at the Ben & Jerry’s; Levi getting a pint of Cherry Garcia and Eren getting a cone of Half-Baked. They had both made polite small talk about the recent damp weather while Eren waited on his change. They exited the shop together and said their good byes.

The third time, Eren had been riding his bicycle on the way to Armin’s house and had spotted Levi walking down a garden path and talking with an elderly woman. He hadn’t been entirely sure if Levi had seen him or not until he got a sharp nod in his direction.

They were both getting lunch when they met for the fourth time.

Eren didn’t usually go to the lobster roll stands on Rt. 6 but extenuating circumstances had left him hungry and with nowhere to go for the next couple of hours. He _had_ been on the way to Sasha’s to hang out and have lunch with her and Connie while Armin did training for his internship and Jean tutored his neighbor’s son, but the both of them had cancelled at the last minute. Eren hadn’t been able to completely decipher what Connie had been saying given the awful cell reception but what he did catch was something about Hyannis, Sasha’s aunt, and a flat tire. He wasn’t sure if it was Sasha and Connie who had the flat tire or Sasha’s aunt, and if so, what kind of flat tire it was. What Eren _did_ know was that there wasn’t any food back at his house and he was supposed to be picking up Armin in an hour and a half.

And that was how he ended up waiting in line at a lobster roll stand.

The whole point of the stands along Rt. 6 was that you could grab a quick lobster roll on the way to somewhere else. Unfortunately, Eren was stuck behind a family of five who had been trying to agree on what to get for the past ten minutes, five people who were apparently immune to the exasperated looks of the employees at the stand and the frustrated grumbling of the short line behind them. In spite of the cool early-summer breeze the sun was brutal and Eren could feel sweat beginning to bead at his temples and a slight burn on the back of his neck, making the wait even more uncomfortable. Eren was huffing in frustration and on the verge of simply leaving when someone voice called out from farther back in the line.

“If you don’t know what you’re ordering then step aside and let someone else order who _doesn’t_ have their head jammed up their ass.”

Eren watched with wicked glee as both parents flushed deeply and began ordering. Grinning, he turned around and headed toward the source of the familiar voice, allowing the couple behind him to move forward. He was beginning to become immune to Levi’s bland and unenthusiastic looks now and his grin didn’t falter as he got closer.

“Hey, Levi.”

“Hey.”

“Levi, I didn’t know you knew someone else on the Cape.” A shadow passed over Eren and he found himself looking up a good few inches at someone else’s bespectacled face, full of intent curiosity. “Oh! Wait, are you one of Levi’s clients?”

“Yeah, I um… yeah.”

“Well it’s good to meet you. I’m Hanji – they/them pronouns, please.” Hanji stuck out their hand and gave him an enthusiastic and lopsided grin. Eren returned the smile and shook their hand.

“Thanks for the heads up. I’m Eren.”

“Okay, great you’ve both met, we’re up to order and I don’t want to have to yell at you as well.” Eren almost laughed at the comically sour look on Levi’s face but chose to stand aside and allow the other two to order first.

He had an even more difficult time suppressing his laughter when Levi arched an eyebrow skeptically at the lobster roll placed in front of him. Before either of them could object, Eren was ordering for himself and handing over enough cash to cover all three of their lunches. He ignored Levi’s glare and focused on Hanji’s thanks instead as they sat down at shaded picnic tables next to the parking lot.

“So I’m curious, what did you hire Levi for? Usually it’s older women who want a cute handyman and a bit of conversation.” Eren hoped that the slight flush on his cheeks would be attributed to the sun and not embarrassment and hurriedly bent his head to take a bite out of his lobster roll. He chewed thoroughly and got his blush under control before looking up and answering.

“Well, it’s not really a long story, but it’s kind of a weird one.”

“It’s actually pretty funny.” Eren turned to Levi in surprise. “He’s hired me three damn times already.”

“Okay, now I _really_ need to know.”

“Well my friend Jean found an ad for Rent-A-Gent somewhere and decided it would be funny to hire someone to have lunch with us, but then him and Armin – my best friend – got stuck in traffic on the way there so it was just the two of us. So _then_ Jean insisted that I hire him again to have breakfast with us and we did that and it was really freaking awkward –” Levi snorted in amusement. “What? It was.”

“Never said it wasn’t.” Levi turned to address Hanji directly. “This kid’s the reason you got stuff from PB the other day.”

“Thank you!”

“ _Anyway._ Then I had friends over for a party and they kind of trashed the downstairs so I hired Levi to help me clean up because it really did look like a bomb went off.”

“It was disgusting.”

“And we keep running into each other around Wellfleet too.”

“Not really surprising, there aren’t very many places to go if you’re out shopping.” Hanji was giving Eren a thoughtful look. “Kind of a downer in the summer for natives.”

“You live here year round?”

“Yep, I work for the Park Service doing research.”

“That’s really cool, my friend Armin is interning with the Audubon Society right now.” Eren’s posture went stiff and he scrambled to pull his phone out of his pocket. “Speaking of which, I’m supposed to pick him up in twenty minutes so I really need to get going.”

“Thanks for lunch!” Hanji beamed and waved enthusiastically after Eren as he hurriedly stuffed his phone back in his pocket and jogged across the parking lot, waving back at them. When Eren was out of hearing range Hanji turned to face Levi.

“He’s hired you _three times?_ ”

“Yeah.”

“At a hundred dollars an hour.”

“Yeah.”

“How many hours total?”

“I think nine.”

“And food twice.”

“Yeah.”

“So some random kid has spent over a thousand dollars for you to hang out with him and help him clean?”

“Yeah.”

 

With the windows down, a cool breeze whipped through Eren's hair as he drove along towards to the Audubon Center to pick up Armin. He couldn’t help but think about running into Levi and Hanji; that a lobster roll stand was an odd place to bump into a year rounder, the ease with which he had been able to talk to Levi, the fact that Levi didn’t completely ignore him even though he was off the clock. That Levi’s t-shirt had shown off his muscular arms very nicely was something else Eren couldn’t help but think about either. In fact, what glimpses Eren had been able to get of Levi’s body ended up occupying his mind for the latter half of his drive to pick up Armin. He felt more than a little bad when he arrived and Armin was already standing outside of the Center waiting for him.

“I’m so, so sorry. I lost track of time.”

“It’s fine, I actually thought you’d be later since you were hanging out with Connie and Sasha.”

“Huh?”

“You were hanging out with Connie and Sasha, weren’t you?” Armin was looking at Eren confusedly.

“Oh, yeah no. Connie called me when I was already on the way over to cancel. Something about a flat tire and Sasha’s aunt. I’m not sure if someone’s car broke down or if Sasha’s aunt’s implant burst.” Armin tried to look disapproving for a moment before dissolving into giggles.

“You’re awful.”

“You still laughed.”

“So why were you late? You didn’t go home, did you?”

“No, I was starving so I went to one of those stupid lobster roll stands to get lunch.”

“How long did it take for them to slop some mayo-covered lobster on a roll?”

“Well, it took longer than usual because this family was taking for- _fucking_ -ever to order. Then Levi yelled at them and they ordered and –”

“Levi was there?” Armin interrupted him and gave him a puzzled look.

“Yeah, he was there with Hanji – the friend he’s staying with. I ended up eating with them and talking a bit. Turns out his friend is a researcher with the Parks Service.”

“Oh wow, that’s cool!”

“Yeah, Hanji was really chill. They were pretty talkative so it wasn’t super awkward to hang out with them. Levi didn’t say much though.”

“Well I doubt you said too much, you were probably too busy staring at Levi longingly.” Eren stopped short at a light as he did a double take.

“What the heck, Armin?”

“You think Levi’s attractive.” Eren opened his mouth but Armin pointed a finger at him and gave him a stern glare. “Do _not_ say that you don’t. I’ve met him and I know your type.”

“I do _not_ have a type.”

“You totally have a type.”

“Fine then, what is it?”

“You have a thing for muscles.”

“Bullshit.”

“Usually blonds too.”

“No I –”

“Name one person besides Samuel who you’ve dated or hooked up with who wasn’t blond and at least sort-of muscular. Case in point: Reiner, Annie too.” Eren’s mouth snapped shut and Armin grinned. “You totally have a type.”

“Levi may be built but he’s not blond.”

“So you admit that you have a type.”

“Fine yeah, I have a type.”

“And you also like Levi.”

“I didn’t say that!”

“You may as well have!”

Eren huffed and stopped talking. They were both silent except for Armin suggesting that they stop by the grocery store since Eren had nothing at his house and Armin’s grandpa was running low on coffee. Barring the most basic questions, Eren refused to talk to Armin for the entire shopping trip which earned him a lot of eye rolling and sighing from Armin. Eren finally broke their near-silence after they had loaded their groceries into the car and were driving again.

“Okay fine. I have a type and I like Levi.” His cheeks warmed slightly at the open admission of his crush.

“See, that wasn’t so difficult, was it?”

“Shut up.”

“You can’t do anything about it though.”

“What do you mean?” Eren shot a quick, confused look at Armin.

“How old are you, how old is he?”

“He’s thirty-nine.” Eren’s shoulders slumped. “He could legitimately be my father and not in an ‘I knocked up my high school girlfriend’ kind of way. Like he would still have been young but…”

“Please don’t flirt with him and make an ass of yourself.”

“I can still look though.”

“Oh _god,_ Eren.”

“What? There’s nothing wrong with looking at attractive people _and_ we’re at the beach. It’s not like I’m going to take photos of him or anything. Just, you know… looking.”

“Eren, you have the subtlety of an energetic three-legged puppy.”

“Shut up.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PB is amazing but you need to commit to going in the mornings because that line goes on for _ages_ and if you're Hanji then you're probably in too much of a rush to think about spending 45 minutes waiting to get a croissant.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to start putting links at the end of chapters so that you can check out the places I'm name dropping. There are two on chapter one now.

Eren didn't really want to admit that he had started a running the Rail Trail on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays just so that he could bump into Levi, but after he had discovered that Levi ran the Wellfleet segment of the trail almost every morning he couldn't resist trying to bump into him a couple of times a week. Having to drive to where he could park and pick up the trail meant he had to wake up earlier but in the end he had decided that it was worth it if he got to see Levi sweating and breathing heavily as his muscles tensed and released.

They had been running like this, side-by-side in silence for almost three weeks now. Eren had realized quickly that while Levi wasn't particularly keen on socializing and talking with people, he had easily welcomed Eren into his morning run without complaint so long as he didn't try to talk to him. It was a faux pas that he had committed only on the first day that they ran together and after receiving a curt command to stop talking he had kept to the unspoken agreement that they not talk except for a quiet good bye as they parted. It was a wordless companionship and even though they barely spoke, Eren found himself learning a lot about Levi.

The first discovery had been an easy one; a scar ran down Levi's right calf, easily visible when he wore running shorts. There was another scar as well that Eren had only seen once when Levi had stretched, revealing a blessed stretch of pale skin across a well-defined abdomen. While the scar on his calf was narrow and a pale pink, the other was darker and uglier; a three inch jagged line of puckered skin. Eren's glimpse of that one imperfection had been short but the imagined story behind it could only tantalize the wilder parts of his mind. But after the first couple of days running together Eren found his curiosity about the stories behind the scars fading as he learned about Levi from the honesty of his body.  

In spite of being older, Levi was in better shape given that Eren hadn’t done anything particularly strenuous since Christmas as a result of his final semester and end of year exams. The first time they had bumped into each other running, Eren had tried to keep pace with Levi and ended up so winded that he had been forced to lean up against his car for fifteen minutes to get his breathing under control enough to drive home. The next day that they’d ended up running together Eren had a far easier time keeping pace with Levi. At first he had thought that it was simply that he had needed a day to get used to doing any sort of physical activity but after looking at the dashboard clock in his car he realized just how much slower they had gone compared to the previous day. They continued at their slower pace from then on and after a week Eren realized just how attentive Levi was as a running partner. It was nothing showy or big, but if Eren’s step faltered the smallest bit Levi would immediately slow up so that he didn’t end up too far ahead of him. It was in those small accommodations and alterations that Eren began to realize that Levi wasn’t anti-social or a misanthrope, just awkward. After three weeks with no real spoken communication between the two Eren had hardly expected that Levi would be the one to break that silence.  

Levi always paused his run as Eren split off to return to his car. There would be a quiet good bye and he would be back on his way, his pace faster without Eren at his side. Today though, instead of the simple send-off Levi chose to voice a question.

"How far away is Dennis from here?" Eren had been in the process of turning towards the short trail to where he had parked and was forced into an ungainly pivot to face Levi again.

"I think it's about forty-five minutes to an hour? Depends on traffic on Rt. 6 and where you're coming from and going to though."

"Hanji got tickets to Pygmalion."

"Oh." Eren shifted awkwardly, uncertain of where to steer the conversation. "The Cape Cod Playhouse then?"

"I guess."

"Do you like plays?"

"Not usually." Levi's blunt statement left Eren mentally grasping at straws, trying to figure out how to extend the conversation. Unfortunately, he was almost as blunt as Levi and said the first thing that came to mind.

"So why are you going?"

"Hanji got tickets and wanted to go." Levi shrugged, a thoughtful look on his face. "Our schedules don't match up all that well since I work on weekends and they wanted to do something together. Grab dinner and act like normal mature adults."

"And you don't usually?"

"I hire myself out to keep old ladies company and Hanji's obsessed with invertebrate sea creatures and keeps sea stars as pets."

"That's... cool? Why did you want to know how far Dennis is? Isn't Hanji from here?"

"Hanji – in their infinite wisdom - got tickets for Friday night. I work on weekends. Do the math."

"Oh."

"I'm not booked yet but I have hours until six and the play is at eight. Not exactly enough time to have dinner if I have to drive an hour."

"I'm sorry, that sucks." Eren's eyes darted awkwardly between Levi and the ground. "Can't you do just the play though?"

"Kinda shitty to just go out to a play and not really socialize with the person I'm going with."

"Then don't go to the play?"

"Yeah, I guess not."

"Well... maybe you won't get hired?"

"I haven't had a free weekend since I started."

"Can't you call out? I mean, it's Wednesday and you still haven't been booked."

"Eren, what part of _I'm not rich_ do you not understand?" Eren stared determinedly down, trying to avoid the frustrated look in Levi's eyes. After an awkward few seconds of Eren scuffing his feet on the pavement he looked up at Levi again.

"I should get going. I'm supposed to drive Armin to his internship and I need to shower." Eren turned and walked away rolling the tension out of his shoulders and feeling Levi's eyes on his back.

Eren had walked a good ten feet down the trail back to his car before he heard Levi's footsteps pick up again, running down the path. Letting out a long breath, Eren leaned against the car waited for the breeze filtering through the trees cool him down. In spite of having been at rest for a bit at this point his heart rate was still elevated and he could feel something twisty and sick in his stomach that he couldn't place. There was some nameless swoop of a feeling; something like self-consciousness but deeper and darker. He took in a few deep breaths, trying to will away the nauseous feeling before getting into his car.

While the feeling lessened once he was back on the main roads it never fully dissipated. It was still sitting heavy and writhing in his gut when he got home and continued to do so as he undressed and stepped under the steady stream of the shower. Even as water and soap carried the grime off of his skin and down the drain that odd feeling clung fast to Eren. He stared down as his feet and the water sluicing down his chest and tried to pick apart his discomfort. Yes, his conversation with Levi had been slightly awkward but it was more than just Levi's blunt responses - he had been the one to run in the end. Eren scrubbed vigorously at his hair, trying to recall the feeling and turn it over. He had left because it was awkward, because he had felt... _bad._ He began to rub his body vigorously with a towel; it wasn't just an amorphous negative feeling.

No, it was more specific than that.  

Guilt.

Eren paused, towel in hand. He felt guilty because Levi had to work and couldn't do something that he wanted to do whereas he had all summer to do as he pleased. It wasn't fair that Levi was working over the summer in spite of the fact that he was a teacher and should have had the summer off. He hoped for Levi's sake that nobody would hire him for those hours on Saturday, but Levi had already told him that he hadn't had a single weekend free. Grimacing, he realized that he had been one of those people who had hired Levi on a weekend - and last minute too. Levi wasn't required to take those hours on given how short notice it had been, but he had anyway. Wrapping the towel around his waist, Eren headed towards his room to get dressed.  

As he drove to pick up Armin to bring him to work it suddenly hit him.

 _He_ could buy Levi's hours.

It wasn't as though he had to buy the whole day's worth of hours but he definitely had the money to buy up Levi's afternoon hours and cancel at the last minute. And Levi wouldn't just be getting the latter half of his day off, he'd still be getting paid if Eren cancelled late enough.

 

Sasha called early Thursday evening to tell him that Annie, Reiner and Bertholdt had to leave Friday instead of Sunday now which meant moving up their going away party as well. And so Eren woke up Friday morning, head pounding and somewhat disoriented as it took him a solid five minutes to figure out that he was sprawled out on the floor of Connie's room and had been using Annie's torso as a pillow. Squinting to make sure he hadn't drooled all over Annie, Eren sat up. He shielded his eyes as he stood and headed directly for the bathroom as fast as he could on unsteady legs.

He didn't remember eating something with rice in it but he supposed that the contents of his stomach –much like Shakira's hips – couldn't lie. Trying to recall the night before he thought he could remember an abundance of microwavable burritos but he wasn't entirely sure. A minute of searching turned up some mouthwash and after splashing water on his face he began to feel somewhat human again. As he opened the bathroom door he found himself face to face with a very grumpy-looking Annie.

"...morning." It was barely more than a mumble but Eren appreciated that Annie had even made the effort looking as bad as she did.

"Bathroom's all yours."  

"Thanks." He sidestepped and allowed her to pass, cringing at the squeak of the hinges as the door closed.

Returning to Connie's room and finally looking around fully he discovered that the only other person there was Jean and from the smells coming from downstairs he could only guess that the three of them were the last ones to wake up. Or at least Jean _would_ be the last to wake up. He moved towards where Jean was curled up on the foot of Connie's bed and pushed at his shoulder lightly. When Jean barely stirred Eren started to push at him harder until finally Jean startled awake and nearly kicked him in the face.

"Jesus, Eren. You nearly gave me a heart attack."

"Smells like breakfast is cooking downstairs. Get up before it's gone." Jean stretched and Eren grimaced at the popping and cracking of Jean's vertebrae as he yawned and stretched.

"Did you really have to be so harsh waking me up though?"

"I started out pretty gentle."

"Hn.  

They were joined by Annie as they walked down the hall to the stairs. Eren couldn't help but envy how _okay_ Jean seemed to be feeling or that Annie seemed to be waking up while he continued to feel exhausted and sick to his stomach. He felt even worse when Connie's mom said a cheery hello as she flipped pancakes in the kitchen, though he felt his spirits lift slightly when they entered the dining room and Sasha looked as bad as he felt - at least someone else would understand his misery. Everyone greeted one another sleepily but it wasn't until Eren was sitting down heavily across from Sasha that she raised her head, a baleful look on her face.

"I've been betrayed." Eren froze as he reached for some toast and gave her a confused look.

"Who betrayed you?"

"I think the burritos were expired."

"So _that's_ why I threw up."

"Please tell me you were at least in the bathroom?" Connie pleaded.

"Yeah, don't worry. Got to the toilet and everything."

"Sorry about that." Sasha looked guiltily at Connie.

"I mean, it could have been worse? At least you were _in_ the bathroom."

"Oh man, do you remember the time Armin - ow!" Eren glared at Armin and leaned down to rub at his shin.

"The time Armin what?" Reiner was grinning.

"Well..." Eren eyed Armin warily, catching the glare before he said anything else. "You know what? I can't remember anymore."

"Bullshit."

"Friends don't rat out friends."

 

**

Having slept through Friday’s run Eren showed up to the Rail Trail slightly early on Monday, stretching out and hoping that Levi hadn’t altered his running schedule. He watched as other runners passed, giving them a nod or a quiet good morning as each passed. Checking his watch nervously, Eren realized that it was right around the time that he and Levi usually met up to run. As the minutes dragged on he started to fidget; now it was ten minutes later than they usually met up and Levi had always struck him as being a very punctual person. He was just about to turn back to the car – uninterested in by himself – and go home when he glimpsed Levi coming down the path.

Instead of continuing on and having Eren fall in stride with him, Levi stopped completely.

“You didn’t run on Friday.” Eren had to suppress a grin at the lack of a greeting. That Levi would break their silent routine at all made something warm and fluttery nest somewhere near his heart.

“Some friends had to leave a couple days earlier than they thought. We had a going away party for them and uh… I wasn’t exactly in the best state for running when I woke up.” Levi let out a snort and shook his head, turning away to start running.

Eren fell in beside Levi, their feet beating down a rhythm on the trail, occasionally syncing up for a few steps before falling out of time again. The familiar mental calm settled over Eren as they ran and he began to remember the relaxing quality of their shared silence. As much as he loved his friends and their exuberance, he had also come to appreciate the quiet and stoic quality of Levi’s companionship. He couldn’t help but put a little distance between the two of them, lagging back just barely a half pace, so that he could study Levi. Watching Levi in motion was something that he had missed for the past few days. There was a muscular grace to him. His movements were compact and yet fluid, a certain contradiction between languid ease and economy in every tense and flex. The run felt shorter this time and Eren found himself wishing that there were more left. As they reached the break in the trail where the path led to Eren’s car Levi slowed to stop and say their customary good bye. Levi was about to open his mouth when Eren jumped in, shattering their routine.

“So how was the play?” He watched as Levi’s brow furrowed in confusion before smoothing out, his eyes on the other hand narrowed slightly as he observed Eren.

“Who says I went?” Eren’s stomach lurched as he realized that he shouldn’t have known that Levi would go. He had intentionally given a fake name when he’d bought Levi’s hours on Friday, not wanting to have Levi know that it had been him.

“I just – you said that you wanted to go?” The unreadable look on Levi’s face was starting to make him feel slightly sick and he could hear his pulse as it beat faster even than when they had been running.

“I also said that I had hours and was almost guaranteed to have to work.” There was a tense pause and Levi stared at Eren, looking him up and down. “Please don’t do that again.”

“I don’t know what you’re –“

“Cut the shit, you bought up my Friday hours and cancelled at the last minute, yeah?”

“Yeah.” Eren shifted uncomfortably. “You seemed really bummed out that you couldn’t go to dinner and see the play with Hanji and I felt bad that I was one of the people who bought your weekend hours really last minute. I just wanted to do something nice. It’s not like I don't have the money.”

“Look. I did appreciate having the evening off but don’t do that again.”

“Why not?”

“Because…” Levi pulled a face. “Because I’ve spent my adult life trying _not_ to take handouts.”

“It’s not…” Eren trailed off and looked down at his feet. “I didn’t _mean_ for it to be like that. I just wanted to do something nice for you.”

Levi sighed heavily, “I know. You’ve never had to think about this sort of shit before, have you?”

“No,” his voice was quiet as he continued to look down.

“Hey.” Eren felt a finger tap the underside of his chin and he looked up, startled. “If you want to do something nice don’t attach a monetary value to it, okay?”

“Y-yeah.”

“Anyway, I need to finish my run. I have work in an hour.”

“Right um, I’ll see you on Wednesday then.”

“No parties on Tuesday night then.” Levi gave him a sardonic smile. "You're not in college anymore."

“Yeah." Eren's stomach clenched and he swallowed drily. "No parties on Tuesday.”

Eren continued to watch Levi’s receding back after he turned and started running again, the memory of cool fingertips leaving his skin feeling hot and electric. The warmth that permeated his body had nothing to do with running and everything to do with a man more than twice his age. And yet... a deep and yawning cavern had begun to open in his stomach. Levi thought he had just graduated _college._

 

On Wednesday it rained.

It had started off as just a light mist when Eren woke up and he figured that wearing running leggings rather than shorts would make up for the cooler damp weather and besides, they were black and – in his opinion – made his legs and ass look absolutely fantastic.

Eren faltered and stopped preening in front of the mirror as he tried to quell the uneasy feeling in his stomach. He had fallen into a comfortable routine beside Levi with such ease, had learned about the other man from his silence and his actions. No, he didn’t know his favorite food or his favorite book but he knew Levi’s quiet consideration, his care and patience in spite of his blunt manner. What had started as a simple attraction to the older man had grown into something far more complicated. While sex was hardly something he would say no to, it was the quiet and attentive companionship that he wanted. But no, what had seemed unattainable had brushed his fingertips and flown off again with just a few simple words. And he hadn’t corrected him.

 

By the time he was parking his car and the path to the Rail Trail the mist had turned into a light rain. He waited until the very last minute to exit the car, thankful that he had a bag of towels in the trunk for impromptu beach trips since he would almost certainly need one by the end of his run. Barely a minute had passed since he reached the Trail proper before he saw Levi coming towards him, his hair already damp. He saw Levi’s eyes widen slightly in surprise when he caught sight of him and Eren gave him a slight smile before they fell into step beside each other. Eren swallowed up the words that nearly bubbled out. Now was not the time.

Normally Levi tried to keep their pace even or at least not allow them to separate too much, considerate of the fact that Eren hadn’t been running regularly in a while. And yet today he allowed Eren to pull ahead of him slightly, close enough that they were still running together but far enough that he had an unobstructed view of the younger man’s back. Eren could feel Levi’s gaze on him, heat settled in his groin and he was suddenly _very_ aware of just how tight his leggings were and how little they concealed. He was almost thankful when the sky opened up and it went from a cooling light rain to a frigid downpour. _Almost._

“Fuck.” Eren heard Levi’s voice further behind him and turned, realizing that the other man had stopped running.

“You want to head back?”

“I hate quitting but I’m not so stubborn that I’m going to get hypothermia.”

They started back, running faster this time in order to get out of the rain. The wind had picked up slightly and Eren could feel his extremities beginning to numb and his teeth to chatter. Glancing over at Levi he could see that his jaw was clenched and he could only guess that Levi was trying to stop his teeth from chattering as well, though Eren could see the occasional violent shiver pass through his body. He didn’t know how far away Hanji’s house was from where he parked his car but he knew that he wouldn’t be letting Levi run it. As soon as they came up to the path where they normally split up they paused.

“Well, I guess see y –” a violent shudder went through Levi’s body.

“I’m d-driving you h-home.” Eren took a hold of Levi’s wrist, keeping his grip light enough that Levi could easily break away if he wanted as they headed towards the car. Levi offered no resistance and Eren dragged him along the short path. He dropped Levi’s wrist when they got to the car, unlocking the trunk and pulling out the canvas bag of beach towels. He unlocked the car doors and grabbed a towel for himself before throwing the others into the passenger seat. Levi gave him a dubious look, spreading out one of the towels on the seat before sliding into the car. Following suit, Eren threw his towel over the seat as well.

Leaning back in their seats the both of them tried to regain their breath, the hush of pelting rain filling the car. Eren couldn’t help but look over at Levi, taking in the way the water was dripping off his hair and down his throat and staring appreciatively at his clothing and how it clung to his body. It didn’t matter that he was soaking wet and freezing cold, that earlier swell of heat between his legs was back and he found himself hoping that his reddening cheeks would be chalked up to the cold. He set about drying himself off vigorously, focusing on the rough feel of the towel and trying not to stare at Levi as he dried off as well.

“So, where’s Hanji’s place?”

“Get back on Rt. 6 and head north, I’ll direct you from there.” Eren watched as Levi’s head tipped back and his eyes closed.

“Wait, so you run _to_ the Rail Trail as well?”

“Yeah, I used to stop off at PB to get something to eat after my run.”

“Why not anymore?”

“My run’s been taking a bit longer the past few weeks.” He watched as a slight smile appeared on Levi’s face. “Not that I’m complaining.”

Something fluttery settled in Eren’s stomach and he felt a smile pulling at his lips as he turned the key in the ignition. “So do you want to get a coffee at PB then?”

“I really want to get into some dry clothes.” There was a thoughtful pause, “raincheck for another day?”

“Yeah.” His heart skipped a beat. “Sounds good.”

The rain let up slightly as they drove, the plunking sound of the rain and the whirring fan of the heat vents filled the car, creating a cocoon of white noise as they drove down the highway. The rain was falling so heavily that they couldn’t even see PB as they passed it by.

“Make the left up ahead and then the second right.” Eren was thrown for a moment, having forgotten that Levi was giving him directions to Hanji’s house.

"Right."

Eren followed Levi's instructions, driving slowly in the blinding rain and accidentally missing the second turn, necessitating an awkward multi-point turnaround on a narrow lane. Eventually they pulled up in front of Hanji's home; a small gray cottage set back from the road and only partially visible through the rain and trees. They sat paused in time in the warm car with the windshield fogging ever so slightly, not talking and simply staring out at the downpour and the long path to the cottage.

"I think I have an umbrella in the back seat if you want it."

"I'm already soaking wet, I can handle walking thirty yards." Levi placed his hand on the door but didn't move to open it, simply sitting and staring out at the rain; he let out a sigh. "Doesn't mean I'm looking forward to going back out though."

"The umbrella offer is still on the table."

"Mm."

Neither of them continued and the sound of rain and the motor's low rumble filled in their silence. Eren was almost feeling brave enough to turn the engine off when Levi spoke again.

"I should go now, thank you for the ride."

"Yeah, no problem." Levi was already in the midst of opening the door when Eren marshaled his thoughts together. "Wait!"

Levi's head snapped back to look at him, a surprised look on his face. "Yeah?"

"The raincheck on coffee. Can I use it for something else?"

"Like what?" Levi was giving him a wary look. "Because I'm not cleaning your house for free."

"No! Nothing like that, it's just..." He paused and took a calming breath. "There's a drive-in movie theater here and I was wondering if you've been or if you want to go or something."

"A drive-in movie theater?" Levi was giving him a decidedly nonplussed look.

"Yeah, it's right off of Rt. 6. You've probably passed it before," he watched as Levi's eyebrows drew together. "My friends and I were going on Monday if you wanted to come."

"Because I want to hang out with kids?"

"I'd be driving separately if um, if you wanted to go." Eren tried to keep his breathing even, staring at Levi's ear rather than meeting his eyes. The pause that followed was deafening. The rain, the engine, his pulse; all of it washed over and overwhelmed him.

"Hanji's out that night and I’ve got nothing to do so sure, why not?"

"Yeah?" Levi rolled his eyes and Eren bit his lip, trying to hide the wide smile and tamp down the butterflies in his stomach.

"Yeah."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [The Cape Cod Rail Trail](http://www.mass.gov/eea/agencies/dcr/massparks/region-south/cape-cod-rail-trail.html) is pretty and is a really good way to get around if you're trying to walk parallel to Rt. 6 since it's a small highway and there aren't really any sidewalks. It's also paved and maintained so it's a good running / biking trail.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I don't have a chapter count yet and I was hoping to by the time I posted this chapter but I decided this week that I wanted to go back and add some things and I'm putting off the epilogue (which might end up being two chapters, ugh) for a little longer since I'm not sure how I feel about it. So actually this chapter is a bit shy of the halfway mark, just to give an idea of length...

Thankfully nobody thought anything of the fact that Eren was taking his own car, though Eren had his own suspicions as to why Armin was so willing to cover for him and help convince Jean that they needed to drive separately. Normally if it was only the three of them they would take one car and Jean and Eren would fight over who was going to sit in the back –Eren insisting that it was his car and Jean insisting that Eren be the gracious host. Armin usually ended up sitting on the center console since he was the smallest of the three just to get them to stop bickering. But this evening Armin and Jean would be taking Jean’s compact –and Eren imagined _cozy_ – Fiesta and he would be picking up Levi in his own car. Not only did it eliminate the awkwardness of having four people in one car, it also eliminated the awkwardness of the fact that Eren and Levi were in some sort of limbo and that Eren still wasn’t entirely certain how any of his friends would react. Armin's reaction to Eren inviting Levi was at best, one of dubious understanding and he figured it would be too much to hope for everyone else to simply raise an eyebrow and remind him that Mikasa was likely to kill him if she found out.

Eren could feel mild nausea settling in his stomach as he pulled up outside of Hanji's cottage. This was hardly the first time that they would be doing something more intimate together - or at least _he_ thought of their morning run as being intimate - but it _was_ the first time that they had actually planned to see each other ahead of time without any monetary transaction. Eren hoped that Levi's initial reluctance to agree was just the natural awkwardness of the man and not him reluctantly capitulating to an eighteen year-old who thus far had proven to be one of his best customers.

 

Levi had never dressed particularly formally before, but Eren still wasn’t expecting Levi to come out wearing a pair of worn jeans and pulling a ratty-looking grey knit sweater over his head. Maybe it was the reality of seeing Levi looking perfectly at ease walking out the door, maybe it was the fact that Levi’s shirt rode up briefly as he pulled the sweater over his head and gave Eren a momentary look at pale skin over taut muscle. Either way, the tight nausea in his stomach dissipated and something warm settled over him instead. Eren was still trying to decide whether he should get out and get the door for Levi or not when he turned to see Levi opening the passenger door and slipping into the seat next to him. It was a quiet but somewhat momentous act. Eren had taken a fair number of men and women on dates but something felt different now and he couldn’t attribute all of it to the fact that Levi was so much older than him. That was another issue for Eren right now – _the_ issue right now. Levi had told him upfront that he was thirty-nine but Eren had let him draw his own conclusions and Levi’s conclusions seemed to be that he had just graduated from college. He knew that the longer he left it the worse it would be when he _did_ say something, but he also had a feeling that Levi was going to tell him to fuck off when he found out and he wanted to have as much time with the man as possible before that happened.

It was selfish and stupid and Eren knew it.

“Hey, Eren?” He jerked so hard at the sound of his name that he nearly sent them into the ditch at the side of the road. Levi gave Eren a concerned look as he stared ahead determinedly, fingers gripping the steering wheel tightly. “It’s not the first time we’ve hung out together. Unclench, okay?”

“I just…” Eren’s face crinkled as he tried to find the words he needed to say before falling back on easier-said ones. “It’s different this time.”

“Because this is planned and you aren’t paying me?” Eren nodded mutely, that was certainly _one_ thing. “I’m here because I want to be. I wouldn’t have agreed if I didn’t.”

It wasn’t nausea this time, but there was an odd – though not uncomfortable – feeling in his stomach. He didn’t even attempt to hide his smile as he glanced over and met Levi’s eyes and he wasn’t at all perturbed when Levi simply shook his head and turned to look out the window. Eren wondered if Levi knew that he could see the slight upward quirk in his lips as he stared at the passing scenery.

 

The sky was still fairly light when they arrived at the drive-in and joined the queue of cars to get in. Eren had the tickets in his hand before Levi had fished his wallet out of his back pocket.

“Let me pay for _something_ alright? I’m not on the clock.” Levi was frowning at Eren, frustration evident.

“It’s just that…” Eren cut himself off. “Would you be okay with buying snacks and drinks?”

“Yeah, I can do that.”

“They only take cash.”

“I mostly operate on a cash-only basis. Stops me from buying things I can’t really afford to get.” An uncomfortable silence settled over the both of them.

Eren knew that money would always be an awkward topic between them but he didn’t always anticipate when or how it would come up. He also tended to forget that it was a bit of a sore spot with Levi. His own friends had no problem with him paying for things most of the time and given the way that he and Levi had met it was going to take a while for him to get out of the habit of paying for everything. He cut off that train of thought; he was leaving for college at the end of August. At best this would be a summer fling, and only _if_ Levi let him that close. Eren knew that it would be an uphill battle if he wanted that to happen. Levi seemed somewhat reluctant to do anything with the presumed seventeen year age gap between them, never mind twenty-one.

The crawl of cars into the parking area ended up being a good distraction as he focused on not hitting the car in front of him when it stopped suddenly to pull into a spot. Eren cursed slightly under his breath at how short he had been forced to stop and crawled along a bit further until he found a spot towards the front but not so far forward that they would have to crane their necks upwards to watch the movie.

“So we’re going to bring food into your car.”

“Huh?” Eren turned to find Levi staring at him with vague curiosity.

“I’m buying food and drinks and we’re going to eat them in your practically new BMW.”

“Yeah?”

“And you don’t care about getting crumbs or anything on the upholstery?”

“I can always clean it.” Levi was frowning at him now. “I have a blanket in the trunk and it gets a little chilly at night and I was going to take it out anyway so we can just use that like a picnic blanket. Does that lay your mind to rest, Sir Cleans-a-Lot?” Levi smiled faintly as he shook his head in amusement and Eren realized he’d do just about anything to keep that smile there.

“Fine. What does the Lord of Mess want from the concession stand?” Eren felt his chest constrict slightly as Levi threw a nickname back at him and tried to keep his voice level as he answered.

“Water.”

“That’s it?”

“Yep. That’s all.”

“I’m not impoverished you know. I can afford to get more than just water.” Eren had been awkwardly staring at his hands on his lap but when he looked back up at Levi, hand on the door and looking at Eren with a mixture of helplessness and frustration, he realized that he’d screwed up. He tried not to impose on people and generally he knew it was appreciated, but this situation was something else entirely.

“Water, popcorn and uh… also a Coke?” He squirmed a little bit at the last one. It’s what he would usually get but he wasn’t the one paying.

“Done. Be back in a few.”

After Levi was out of sight Eren gripped the steering wheel and allowed his head to fall forward and rest on the top of it. He felt like a child trying to puzzle out how to interact with other people again, only this time instead of learning how to read social cues from his peers or from his parents’ friends, he was learning to read someone who was blunt, prickly, and completely different from anyone else who he had met before. The cues he was learning from Levi were wholly different from those he had grown up with; offer to help the host wash the dishes so they could refuse, bring wine even when the host said that they would be providing, insist that everything was perfect even when it wasn’t. Levi was so incredibly straightforward that it continued to be unexpected. If he offered to help Levi clean he would always accept and Levi insisted on honesty – especially when things weren’t perfect. It was… refreshing. Eren knew that Levi's blunt and straightforward mannerisms undoubtedly got the man into trouble on occasion, but his honesty and refusal of baroque social niceties drew Eren in and after a lifetime of somewhat byzantine and unspoken rules for social interaction he couldn’t help but enjoy his company.

He was still mulling things over when the rest of his friends showed up to knock on his window, startling him out of his own thoughts. There was no real getting out of talking to them and he could only hope that Armin would help him run interference if Levi showed up and his two worlds collided.

“So you hate us so much that you’re in a car by yourself?” Sasha had a look of mock concern on her face.

“No, no. It’s just that I have a friend with me and four people is too many to comfortably have in a car and a drive-in really if you –”

“A friend?” Eren tried not to wince as Sasha immediately picked up on it. “So who is he or she? Do we know them? You _can_ just tell us you know. No need to beat around the bush and be sneaky taking your own car.”

“He’s just a friend. Really.”

“Me thinks the lady doth protest too much.” Connie’s grin mirrored Sasha’s and Eren suddenly noticed that Jean wasn’t with them.

“Wait, where’s Jean? Or did Horseface bail?”

“He’s chatting up one of the employees here.” The sour look on Armin’s face was subtle enough that Eren was certain that he was the only one who noticed. Eren could only be indignant on his best friend’s behalf; of all the people for Armin to crush on it had to be Jean and Jean had to go and hit on someone who worked at the drive-in. He could only hope that Jean failed miserably, Armin shouldn’t have to see that getting shoved in his face. The three of them were about to start walking away when Levi showed up again and Eren felt his entire body stiffen.

“You know I still don’t agree with eating in the car but –” Levi stopped short. Armin jumped in before an awkward pause could settle.

“Oh! Hi, Levi. I forgot you were still on the Cape.” Both Eren and Levi shot Armin quick, grateful looks.

“Yeah, looks like I’m here all summer. A friend has a house in Wellfleet with an extra bedroom and I figured I’d work on my tan.” Connie and Sasha traded an odd look like they didn’t know whether to laugh or not. Sasha let out a strangled giggle, trying to cover it with a cough. Levi looked in her direction and raised an eyebrow, amusement evident on his face. “You can laugh, it was a joke. I don’t go to the beach much during the day.”

“So you’re on the Cape because…?” Connie trailed off, realizing that his question could be taken as being rude.

“There are some nice running trails and there’s still a lot to do without laying on a beach and slowly frying. Also, more importantly, I have a job.”

“Right.” Connie shifted his weight uncomfortably from foot to foot. “Well then um, the movie’s starting soon so we’re going to head back.”

“See you later then.” Eren tried to give them a wide smile as he waved after them before turning to Armin. “Thank you so much.”

“No problem. Hopefully Jean’s back at the car.” Armin gave Levi and Eren a stiff nod before stalking off. Eren let out a sigh and his shoulders slumped.

“That was more stressful than I thought it would be.” Eren started getting back into the car and Levi followed his lead.

“Why?” He was giving Eren a thoughtful look.

“People make assumptions.”

“Yeah, I suppose they do.” Levi’s voice was subdued and Eren didn’t want to get his hopes up, but maybe there was a little bit of disappointment there as well.

 

The movie ended up being awful. It was barely fifteen minutes in and they were both already ripping into it and making snide comments about the general plotlessness of the movie.

“I thought it would be better without Shia LaBouef. Or at least different.”

“Eren, it’s a Michael Bay movie. What the hell were you expecting?”

“The first Transformers movie was fun.”

“Yeah and that was three movies ago. Besides, Michael Bay has been making essentially the same movie for the past I don’t even know how many years.”

“The Rock and the Transformers movies don’t have much in common plot-wise.”

"His films all have the same underlying homoeroticism and fetishization of the military combined with a puerile fascination with women’s bodies solely as objects for the male gaze.”

“What did you say you taught again?” Eren had a playful smirk on his face as he looked over at Levi.

“I didn’t.” Levi gave him a sardonic smile before turning back to the film. “The frustrating thing is that there isn’t even anyone particularly attractive in his films. It’s just explosions and a whole lot of cinematic Freudian slips.”

“Stanley Tucci’s not bad.”

“So what then? You’re into older men?” Eren watched Levi’s posture go stiff as soon as the words left his mouth, a pained look on his face as something heavy settled over the both of them. Instead of doing the (probably) intelligent thing and letting the moment pass, Eren twisted in his seat to face Levi.

“Yeah. I am.” His gaze turned challenging as Levi met his eyes and he refused to back down. He wanted Levi and if Levi wanted him too then there was no way in hell he was going to let this get away from him.

They hung on the cusp of a moment. Eren wasn’t sure if they had both been slowly shifting towards the center console for the entirety of the film or if it had just happened in the past couple of minutes, but he found himself mere inches from Levi’s face. The height difference was less pronounced while they were seated, but Eren still felt himself looking down slightly as Levi tipped his head upwards. Eren hovered, not moving before he realized that _he_ was going to have to be the one to initiate this. For all that Levi was older and likely more experienced he wasn’t about to force anything; whatever happened next was entirely up to Eren. There was a swoop of nervousness in his stomach but if Eren was anything it was brave and determined.

The kiss was gentle and tentative in a way that summer flings rarely were.

Levi’s hand found its way to Eren’s jaw, brushed at the slight stubble there before his hand moved to play with the silky ends of Eren’s hair. Likewise, Eren’s hand found its way to the soft and bristly hair of his undercut. They pulled apart just far enough that they could see one another’s faces. Levi barely had his mouth open when Eren cut him off.

“Trust me, I want this.” Levi closed his mouth and Eren watched as his lips quirked into a smile before drawing in close and kissing him again.

Neither of them could have told you what the latter half of the movie was about because maybe they spent the rest of the movie making out and maybe hands found their way under shirts and _maybe_ Eren had let some embarrassing noises cross his lips. But there was a promise there, teasing for something later and as the credits began to roll Levi made a not-so-subtle hint that maybe they didn’t need to stay for the second film.

And suddenly everything came to a stomach-lurching halt.

Levi had absolutely no idea that he was eighteen.

Eren had done nothing to disabuse him of the notion that he was twenty-two and had just graduated college. The assumption was there and he hadn’t done anything to dispel it and as much as he wanted this there was no way he was putting Levi in the position of finding out _after_ they had gone home together that he had slept with someone who had only just received his full driver’s license three months prior. He pulled away suddenly, enough to see Levi's face in the dim light, concern washing over his face.

“It’s fine if you don’t want –”

“I’m eighteen.” He couldn’t have stopped himself from blurting it out even if he’d wanted to. Eren edged back into the driver’s seat feeling very small as Levi looked at him with equal parts shock and horror. “I wasn’t trying to lie and I didn’t realize that you didn’t know how old I was until last week and then I was enjoying being with you so much and now…”

“Eighteen?” Levi’s voice was weak.

“I’m so, so sorry.” Eren’s voice was quiet and he could feel a lump forming in his throat and tears welling in his eyes. Eren’s eyes flicked up to look at Levi. The hard expression on his face had Eren averting his eyes again almost immediately. “I should have told you sooner.”

“No shit.” His voice was still quiet but with an edge of anger. Eren took a few steadying breaths, willing his voice to stay even and not waver.

“I’ll take you home now.”

“That would probably be best.” Levi’s voice was so cold that it made Eren flinch. There was no warmth in his gaze, no fondness. The drive back to Levi’s was painfully silent and Eren didn’t dare to break it until they were pulling up in front of the cottage.

“I’m sorry.” Eren felt tears welling up again as Levi exited the car without a word, without a backward glance.

It wasn’t until he had pulled into his garage and cut the engine that Eren allowed the tears to fall angry and loud as he sat alone with the memory of Levi’s fingers and lips all over him –with the memory of Levi’s cold look and how he had left without even looking back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [The Wellfleet Drive-In](http://www.wellfleetcinemas.com/drive-in-theatre) is super neat and I love the old-timey feel


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So on Cape Cod there is this town way out at the very tip called Provincetown (aka P-Town) which idk how much people outside of the northeastern US would know about it but it's sort of like if the Village in NYC picked up and went on a summer vacation to the beach. It's been a Puritan settlement, an artists' summer retreat and most notably, a magnet for LGBTQ vacationers. Similar locations in the northeastern US are Fire Island and (historically) Asbury Park.
> 
> If you want more info you can check out P-Town's [history as a LGBTQ-friendly town](http://www.visit-provincetown.com/gay-and-lesbian-history-of-provincetow/), a random [Slate article about vacationing there](http://www.slate.com/blogs/outward/2014/07/30/provincetown_fire_island_asbury_park_rehoboth_beach_do_we_still_need_gay.html) and [an interesting Trip Advisor thread](http://www.tripadvisor.com/ShowTopic-g41778-i483-k4772490-o10-Discussion_on_how_Ptown_has_changed_over_the_years-Provincetown_Cape_Cod_Massachusetts.html) about what has changed over the years. 
> 
> I can't find it anymore but I came across a hilarious blog post about how LGBTQ people in P-Town are "taking over" and making the straights feel uncomfortable because they can't help being straight. Wow. Wouldn't know what it's like to feel uncomfortable for existing. //sarcasm

The house was dark when Hanji returned. They snorted softly, not entirely surprised that Levi wasn't home - until they tripped over his shoes. Brow furrowed, they moved out of the entryway and into the living room, pausing to look around before continuing on to the kitchen to get a glass of water. It was there that they found Levi sitting hunched over at the kitchen table nursing a half-finished bottle of beer, another empty bottle sitting off to the side. Hanji filled a glass of water before sitting down across from him, a soft look on their face.

"Want to talk about it?"

Levi sighed and a heavy silence settled over them. Hanji sipped at their water, trying to decipher Levi's face in the gloomy light of the moon filtering into the kitchen. Concern began to etch deeper into their face as they sat together, Levi avoiding Hanji's gaze as they stared at him. Finally he moved, tilting the bottle back and finishing the contents before setting it down again; the noise of heavy glass on wood breaking the silence. He stared down at his hands on the table as he began to speak.

"He's eighteen." Levi glanced up quickly at Hanji before looking down again. "I didn't know until tonight."

"I thought you said he'd just graduated college?"

"He mentioned just graduating, alone all summer while his family's abroad, going out drinking with friends, on the Cape in mid-May when most high schools let out in June..." He gave a bitter laugh. "You know what happens when you assume."

"So how much of an ass did you make of yourself?"

"There was a lot of kissing - tongue was involved - and some heavy petting." A pained look crossed Levi's face and he leaned back as he ran a hand through his hair roughly. "I said maybe we didn't want to stay for the second movie. I wasn't exactly subtle."

Hanji grimaced. "Please tell me you didn't."

"Oh _hell_ no. He had the decency to come clean right then."

"It's shitty, but can you really blame him?"

"No, I can't." He let his head fall forward again, his face pressing into his palms. "Yeah, I wish he said something sooner but it's not his fault I never asked how old he was. Fucking pissed at myself though. I made assumptions I shouldn't have and pursued someone who I _already_ knew was way younger than me. It was stupid, _I_ was stupid."

"Neither of you are really at fault here. Like you said; he's young -he's out of his depth. You made assumptions he never gave you a reason to question and you backed off before things went too far. Not the worst ending by a long shot."

"Hanji, I teach kids his age."

"And _nothing happened._ " Hanji gave him a stern look. "Don't you dare beat yourself up over this. You both screwed up a bit but it's nothing world-ending. He told you he was eighteen before you did anything serious -"

"Yeah, because groping and swapping spit with an eighteen year old isn't serious."

"Fine, before you did anything _too_ serious. I get feeling like shit for what you _did_ do, but how much worse would you feel if you'd actually slept with him?"

"Probably would've shot myself in the face. Cap off a spectacularly shitty year."

"Do you even know how to use a gun?"

"No."

The both of them lapsed into silence again, Hanji staring pensively at their empty glass while Levi stared blankly at the empty bottles in front of him. After a long moment Hanji stood and brought their glass over to the sink before collecting the two bottles on the table and putting them in the recycling bin. They leaned up against the counter, attention focused on Levi as he propped his elbows on the table, head in hands.

“Are you drunk?”

“Not really.” It came out as a mumble, muffled by his hands.

“Good.” Hanji moved towards Levi and grabbed his bicep, pulling him upright. “Go upstairs and take a shower, I’ll make you some chamomile tea. There’s some melatonin in the medicine cabinet.”

“I’m fine.”

“Levi, I came home to find you drinking in the kitchen alone with the lights out. _Please._ ” The tension in his body released under Hanji’s grip and he gave a soft nod and a quiet thanks before heading out of the kitchen as Hanji set the kettle to boil.

Upstairs, he turned the bathroom light on, wincing and shielding his eyes against the sudden change in brightness. He began to strip as the shower ran and the water heated up, trying to avoid looking at his reflection in the bathroom mirror. A slight pain curled in his chest as he lifted his sweater over his head and caught the faintest smell of sandalwood and citrus. Unbidden, his mind filled in the mental blank of that scent, one that he hadn’t even noticed making a home in his memory; Eren’s cologne. He tossed the sweater and his shirt across the bathroom with more force than was necessary.

The water wasn’t quite hot enough when he stepped into the shower but he needed the smell off of him. Normally he hated Hanji’s body wash, but the cloying fruity fragrance of “Endless Weekend” was exactly what he needed to end his evening. The smell of what was ostensibly plum, apple and raspberry-lychee sorbet filled his nose as he scrubbed at himself, drowning out the citrusy and sharp scent of Eren’s cologne with the manufactured smell of the world’s most disastrous fruit basket.

In spite of his relative sobriety his limbs felt oddly heavy when he finally turned off the water and stepped out of the shower. Emotional fatigue was catching up to him quickly, numbing him better than the alcohol and causing him to open the medicine cabinet in what felt like slow motion as he reached for the melatonin. Closing the cabinet again he couldn’t help but look at his reflection in the mirror; the dark circles and the deadened eyes, the clench in his jaw and the slump in his shoulders. He couldn't help it when his gaze flicked down to the left, the small bruise at the juncture of his shoulder and neck causing far more pain than something of that size ever should.

He dried himself off quickly before wrapping the towel around his waist and walking down the hall to his bedroom. A cup of chamomile tea was sitting on the bedside table, faint wisps of steam still curling off of it and a short note on a scrap piece of paper next to it: _Get some sleep, I’ll get breakfast in the morning._ A tired, faint smile tugged at his lips as he took a sip of his tea and began to put on sleep pants and a shirt. The shiver that went through his body a moment later had him putting on socks and a sweatshirt as well as he tried to get warm. It wasn’t until he was curled up in the bed and drifting to sleep that he remembered that his clothing was still tossed on the floor of the bathroom. Under normal circumstances he would have roused himself from bed to put his things in the laundry but tonight –

He rolled over and tried to fall asleep.

 

When he woke the sun was well past risen; almost definitely close to nine and absolutely after he would be getting _back_ from his morning run. A quick glance at the clock told him that it was half past eight and the realization that he had a client to meet with in half an hour had him bolting out of bed to throw on clothes. He was ready and moving down the stairs quickly, hoping that Hanji had left some coffee in the pot even though their "coffee" was more like burnt, caffeinated sludge. It was only after he'd already poured himself half a cup of coffee that he saw another note from Hanji on the counter: _Called you out sick, taking today off too and getting breakfast from PB. Should be back by nine._

Levi dumped out the coffee into the sink and glanced up at the clock; eight forty-five, and set about making a cup of tea. He was just finishing his tea when he heard Hanji open the front door.

"Feeling any better?" He looked up to see Hanji leaning against the kitchen door frame, a large bag on both arms and a two cardboard cups of something hot in each hand.

"Not really."

"Well, I have a bunch of stuff from PB. I got a shot in the dark for myself and a café au lait for you."

"Thank you." Levi relieved Hanji of both cups and placed them on the table while Hanji unpacked the boxes of pastries, leaving him to sip at his coffee while staring off into middle distance.

"I remember you liking their croque monsieurs and in spite of supposedly not liking sweet things, their mille feuille as well." Hanji winked at him.

"I don't like -"

"Hey, don't worry. Your secret is safe with me."

Levi accepted the sandwich and the pastry with a sigh, putting it down in front of himself but not eating it. He stared at it for a moment, a contemplative look on his face, before taking a tenuous bite out of the sandwich. The next bites were taken with greater gusto, though he continued to chew slowly and methodically. Hanji was already finished with their own breakfast by the time he finished his sandwich, his fork hovering uncertainly over the mille feuille.

"You can always save it for later."

"No, you can have it." Levi put his fork down and pushed the plate towards Hanji.

"Save it for lunch. I'll get a container for it." Hanji stood up and began to rummage around in one of the cabinets. "You should eat it today though so it doesn't get too soggy."

"Hm." He continued to stare at the table as Hanji cleaned up the plates, ignoring the concerned glances that Hanji kept giving him.

"Any plans for your sick day?"

"Not really. Probably just going to go upstairs and -"

"Wallow?" Levi wouldn't meet their eyes. "Take a book and go lay in the hammock. At least _pretend_ you're doing something else."

"Sure, where's your copy of Lolita?"

"Levi..." Hanji trailed off, a concerned look flitted across their face before hardening into something sterner. "He's _eighteen,_ not twelve."

"I shouldn't have..."

“Fine, you shouldn’t have done anything. Hindsight is twenty-twenty.”

“I’m an adult.”

“And you did the adult thing and didn’t take it any further when he told you he was eighteen. Cut yourself some slack; you had no idea.” Hanji crouched down next to Levi and prodded at his cheek. “Go outside and pretend to read.”

“I don’t have a book.”

“I’ll bring you something.”

Levi found himself being shooed out into the back garden, feet bare and trying not to get his clothing dirty as he picked his way through the dew-soaked foliage to pull the hammock out of the cobweb-filled shed. The hammock was set up and he was lounging on it, enjoying the sun and the increasing warmth of the day as he listened to the birds and tried to put Eren out of mind. The banging of the screen door opening and closing as Hanji exited the house barely registered in his mind, their presence went unnoticed until he felt books land on his stomach, causing him to shoot his friend a vicious glare.

“I brought you Lolita.” Hanji tried to stifle a smile. “And something else too.”

Levi picked up both books, turning them over to inspect the other book cover. “ _The Importance of Being Earnest_? Really?”

“Oscar Wilde seemed fitting but The Picture of Dorian Gray didn't seem appropriate."

“No shit.”

“Are you really going to torture yourself with Lolita?” Levi’s lack of response as he stared at the books in his lap had Hanji sighing in frustration. “I’ll let you know when lunch is ready.”

He glanced up at Hanji’s retreating back before laying back in the hammock again, picking up Lolita and opening the book. The spine was unworn but it didn't crack and Levi wondered whether it had been read once already and if so, by whom. For all their varied interests, Hanji had never been particularly interested in literature. He could only guess that the book had belonged to someone else, perhaps Erwin seeing as he was infinitely more well-read than the two of them – occasionally insufferable golden boy that he was.

It was at the beginning of chapter two that Levi stopped reading. Whatever he had hoped to get out of the book just wasn’t there and even he could admit to himself that there was a massive difference between a twelve year old and an eighteen year old.

 

**

Eren didn't leave his car until his tears had stopped. He went into the house, feeling utterly numb and dazed, not bothering to do more than strip off his clothes before crawling into bed. Sleep had eluded him for hours and he had watched his alarm clock roll over into the next day and then one and then two and somewhere after three he finally drifted off to sleep. When he finally woke up it was almost eleven and he had multiple missed texts from Armin starting with the innocuous _"Want to grab breakfast?"_ At 10am and progressing over the course of five more messages to the exasperated _"Ohmygod you had sex with him he's old enough to be your *dad* Eren"_ sent five minutes prior. Groaning, Eren rolled over and began to text Armin back.

 **[Eren:]** Sorry, just woke up. And no we didn't have sex.

 **[Armin:]** You left early and weren't responding to texts... I kinda assumed...

 **[Eren:]** No. I fucked up

 **[Armin:]** What happened?

 **[Eren:]** So I may not have mentioned to you but he didn't know I'm 18 and I didn't realize that he was assuming I was 22 until last week

 **[Armin:]** No. You didn't mention that bit.

 **[Eren:]** We kind of made out

 **[Eren:]** Hands may have gone under clothing

 **[Armin:]** I really don't need to know this

 **[Eren:]** We almost... He would have found out eventually

 **[Eren:]** Anyway, he freaked out. I took him back to his place. He didn't say good bye. Wouldn't even look at me

 **[Armin:]** Oh Eren...

 **[Armin:]** Though really, is it surprising that he freaked out? Big difference between 18 and 22

 **[Armin:]** Honestly I thought it was a little weird you were hanging out together but that explains it

 **[Eren:]** I really liked him. Like he was hot and whatever but I liked just being around him

 **[Armin:]** Get your ass out of bed and get dressed, I'll be there in 20 and we're going out for breakfast

 **[Eren:]** Make it 30, I want to shower

 **[Armin:]** K

 

It took Eren fifteen minutes before he could gather the resolve to leave his bed to take a shower. He thought he'd cried himself out in the car the night before but as soon as he stepped into the shower he felt the messy, angry tears welling up and starting to spill over. It was an ugly cry; all mucus and tears while he took rough gasping breaths and passively let the water spill over him. Thanks to the small hot water heater the shower was turning cold by the time Eren was done crying and was forced to rush actually washing himself under the threat of a completely cold shower.

Armin was sitting on the living room couch when Eren came downstairs. His brow furrowed as he looked at Eren, staring in confusion at the jeans and the heavy sweatshirt that Eren had on.

"You do realize _I'm_ comfortable wearing shorts right now, yeah?"

"I stayed in the shower too long and it ran cold."

"You'll be way too hot when we go outside."

"I can just take the sweatshirt off if I get too warm." Armin raised an eyebrow at Eren but let it go, standing up and heading towards the door.

"By the way, in case you were wondering how I got in: you left the garage door open."

"Oh."

"You really aren't okay, are you?"

 

It wasn't that Eren didn't appreciate Armin trying to get him out of the house, he just didn't appreciate that those plans involved not only Jean, but Armin flirting with Jean. He had to wonder if Armin thought he was being subtle or if Jean was too dense to notice in spite of doing the same himself. Regardless, he was forced to watch his friends flirt awkwardly, apparently oblivious to one another’s overtures. Potentially the weirdest part to him was that they had all known each other since middle school. It suddenly hit Eren that he had no clue when Armin had started thinking of Jean as more than a friend; whether it had been slow or sudden, whether he had felt conflicted or comfortable.

Today their plans included mini-golf which may or may not have been particularly well thought out given that it was right next to the Drive-In and even a week later he was still raw over it. They were about to start their second round of mini-golf since Eren had won by a single stroke the first time and even moping over Levi couldn't drown his competitive spirit when it came to Jean's taunting him that it was blind luck. Armin had sighed when Eren insisted on another round and went directly to the entrance hut to pay. After watching Armin's retreating back for a moment, Eren turned back to glower at Jean, fully expecting to be met with a similar look. He had not expected the thoughtful and concerned expression on Jean's face.

"Are you okay?"

“What?” Eren gave Jean a puzzled look.

“You and Levi had some sort of argument or some –”

“So what then, did Armin tell you?” He could feel his temper flaring, the feeling of betrayal beginning to stab at him. Armin was _his_ friend first and foremost.

“No, you’ve just looked like shit ever since we went to the drive-in.” Just as quickly as his anger swept in it receded and Eren found himself deflating, no longer looking for a fight. “You’ve also been hanging out with us more. You even slept over at Armin’s place last night and you haven’t done that in weeks. I’ve known you since we were _twelve_. Trust me, I don’t need Armin to tell me something’s up with you… so?”

“Levi and I… well, I was stupid.”

“No shit.” Jean returned his glare with a lopsided smile.

“It’s not funny.” Eren watched as Jean's smile slipped into a more serious look.

“Want to talk about it?”

“It’s pretty straightforward: he thought I was twenty-two, I didn’t correct him when I should have.”

“And he found out?”

“Yeah.”

“Jesus.” He looked at Eren and shifted uncomfortably. “Let me know if I can do anything?”

“I’ll be okay.”

The both of them stood together awkwardly as they awaited Armin’s return from the long at the hut at the entrance to the course. Eren watched Jean as his eyes scanned the line and noticed the soft yet pained look when he found Armin and realized that _yes_ , Jean really was that dense.

“He likes you too.” Eren’s voice was quiet but Jean still startled as though someone had set off a firecracker next to him.

“I’m sorry but who likes me?” There was hope on Jean’s face and Eren felt a pang somewhere in his chest.

“Armin. He’s been mooning around over you for at least a month. Dumbass, how did you _not_ notice?”

“I wanted to think it but…” Jean trailed off, his face pensive. “We’re going to different colleges in the fall so it doesn’t matter.”

“Oh my god. You’re going to BU and he’s going to Harvard. You’re literally twenty minutes from each other on the T.”

“You’re actually _encouraging_ me to go out with your best friend?”

“I’m sick of watching the both of you stare at each other longingly and sighing.” Eren laughed at the sour look on Jean’s face but his face quickly went stern when he began to talk again. “And if you break his heart Mikasa will break your legs.”

“Duly noted.”

Armin ended up beating the both of them in the second round, Jean coming in dead last by a good five strokes in spite of regularly going golfing with his father. Eren would have preferred to not be alone for the rest of the day but he wasn't so unaware that he couldn't feel the tension between Armin and Jean reaching a breaking point now that he had told Jean that his feelings were reciprocated. He only hoped that he wouldn't be completely shut out when they inevitably did get together. He loved Connie and Sasha dearly, but hanging out with them wasn't the same as hanging out with his best friend and without the option of Levi's company...

He pushed the thought away. There was no point in agonizing over it anymore, regardless of how much he missed the other man. But telling himself mentally that he had to move past it did nothing to stop the ache of loss in his chest.

 

**

None of their families went to Provincetown more than twice over the course of the season and only ever for lunch, leaving before dusk. For all that Eren's parents were accepting, they could only handle so many glittering drag queens and banners advertising "Snow White and the Seven Bottoms" before a certain amount of discomfort set in. However, with Eren's family overseas and with access to his own car, there was nothing standing in the way of everyone piling in and ditching the usual fireworks display in Orleans for those in Provincetown. There was a distinct excitement in the car as they approached the town and it continued even as they sat in traffic; a thrill over their own independence. Eren felt some amount of tension as they got closer, something jittery setting in as he wondered whether he would still feel that usual twinge of awkwardness being there, wondering whether it was simply secondhand embarrassment from his parents' presence or his own uncertainty and insecurities.

 

"Dammit, that fucker sniped our spot."

"Jean, calm down." Armin grabbed the back of his shirt and pulled him into the back so that he was no longer leaning forward into the front seat and pointing at the offending car.

"Screw this, let's just go find a lot that has space left." Eren made a sharp turn up a narrow street and headed towards one of the public lots, looking for one that still had space available.

"You know, we wouldn't have to do this if _someone_ was ready on time." Jean gave Sasha a pointed look.

"Hey, my mom made paella. No way was I leaving before I finished that."

They eventually found a lot that still had space and though it was a bit further than they had originally wanted to be, they had all agreed that it might be for the best if they parked a bit further away from the fireworks and closer to the main road for when they eventually left. The walk towards Commercial Street and the Wharf was slow-going with the crowds of people in the streets and Eren found himself watching the people who flowed around them. There were groups of friends and couples of all orientations; some with families, some without.

"So do we want to get food or anything while we wait for it to get dark?"

"Are you shitting me, Sasha? You just ate paella an hour ago." Jean was giving her an annoyed look.

"Well I'm hungry again. Or, we could hit up a bar."

"Is that really the best idea?" Eren exchanged raised eyebrows with Jean. Connie was usually Sasha's enabler, not the voice of reason.

"Our fakes worked in New York for Easter. I don't see why they wouldn't here." She began to walk away, calling back over her shoulder. "Come on, live a little."

The four of them ended up trailing along around her and Eren watched as Jean and Armin's hands slowly moved together and their fingers curled around one another's, Armin blushing faintly and Jean looking elated and proud. Eren continued to walk along behind everyone, Sasha's exuberance had finally caught on with Connie and the both of them laughing and shoving at each other, apologizing as they bumped into other people. His friends’ happiness didn’t quite reach him though as he followed somewhat listlessly, neither enjoying nor disenjoying.

They stopped off at a bar and restaurant close to the water – Sasha was correct about the effectiveness of their fake IDs – and ended up staying just long enough to get food and a couple rounds of drinks before it became too packed for Armin’s comfort and they decided to move elsewhere. The sun was beginning to lower as they walked down the streets, taking flyers for plays and shows from drag queens and rainbow-bedecked people. There was something in the air that wasn't quite reaching Eren, infectious as it apparently was to everyone else. The energy fed Connie and Sasha regardless of their anachronistic straightness and he could see just how much of an effect it had on Armin and Jean. He doubted that they would be so affectionate in public normally, but the jubilant and celebratory atmosphere surrounding them was irresistible.

Eren was reaching the end of his first drink at the second bar when he resolved that it would be his last. The fireworks were approaching and once they were done he would be driving back. He sat back as his friends had another two rounds and finally started to try and sort out their tab while the bartender attempted to juggle the orders of new patrons and the payment of those departing. While they tried to flag down the bartender to pay their tab Eren went to use the restroom, trying not to notice the stare of an older man at a table close to the bar.

The man was still watching as he exited the restroom, making as though to get up when Eren felt someone come up next to him and stand in front of him. He felt simultaneously awkward and elated when he recognized the profile of the person standing beside him and glaring fiercely at the older man now settling back into his seat. Craning his neck, Eren searched for his friends at the bar, unable to see them. He felt a hand on his lower back as Levi steered him through the crowd and out of the bar, a quietly furious look on his face.

"You are _eighteen_." Levi's voice was a whispered hiss. "Do you have any idea what could happen if you get caught with a fake ID?"

"Uh..."

"You're a legal adult so there are real fucking consequences. You might get your _actual_ license revoked." Levi shoved him past a few people entering the bar and out the door. "It's a misdemeanor so that's a nice little fine and if a cop feels like busting your balls, a year in jail. And on-fucking-top of that, if they _really_ feel like fucking you over, you get a nice little record that you've committed fraud and have fun explaining that one to any future employers."

"I –" Eren turned to look at Levi, stumbling as the other man continued to push him along slightly ahead of him while looking positively murderous. Levi steered the both of them to a quiet alley, standing in the doorway of a now-closed shop.

"And if a place gets caught serving anyone under twenty-one _they're_ fucked too."

"Literally everyone I know who isn't twenty-one has a fake and none of that shit has happened to them. Hannah’s older brother got busted but all they did was take his fake away."

"That's not –" Eren watched as Levi's jaw clenched and unclenched before running his hands through his hair. "You have _no_ idea what the real world is like."

"Just because you apparently think I'm a kid now doesn't mean I am." They were glaring at each other and Eren could feel something angry and hurt twisting around inside his chest, could feel it gloating as Levi looked away first.

"You don't know what the real world is like not because you're young but because you're rich." Levi looked back up and watched as Eren drew his arms around himself, the earlier gloating feeling gone as he found himself unable to meet Levi’s eyes. "You can afford to make mistakes because the cops let you go or because you can afford a lawyer who will talk you out of the consequences of your actions. You run a red light and a cop sees a white kid in a beamer, the kids I teach run a red light and a cop sees a thug in a beat up Toyota."

They both stood awkwardly together, not quite looking at each other and listening to the happy shouts and revelry coming from the street. Eren shifted back and forth on his feet, the buzz of alcohol lifting and feeling oddly comfortable in Levi's presence in spite of everything.

"Thanks, by the way." Levi turned to face him, mild confusion on his face. "The guy in the bar."

"Oh, yeah." Eren wasn't sure what to think about the contemplative look that Levi gave him. "Watch yourself, you look and act older than you are."

"Don't they say that age is just a number?" Neither of them followed up on Eren's flippant comment and allowed it and its associated conversation pass them by.

"Let's just find your friends." Eren pulled out his phone to send text messages to everyone before putting it back in his pocket and strolling towards the street with Levi.

"So what are you doing here?"

"Same as you; here to see the fireworks."

"And you came by yourself?" Levi let out a long sigh.

"Well I was with Hanji and Moblit but they went off to say hello to a coworker and rather than listen to them talk about lobster reproductive habits I told them I'd meet up with them in an hour. I was about to order a drink when I saw you."

"So then I owe you a drink.” He saw Levi’s lips parting, on the verge of admonishing him. “Coke or Pepsi? Personally I prefer Coke, Mikasa prefers Pepsi which is how you know we’re not related.”

“Let’s just find your friends.”

They wandered along Commercial Street, not really talking as Eren waited for a response from his friends. Every so often he would take out his phone and frown at it, starting to worry that nobody was responding.

“Still haven’t heard back?”

“No, not yet.”

“They forgot about you in a bar and aren’t responding to your texts. How much did they drink?”

“A decent amount.” Eren bit his lip and frowned. “Jean and Sasha can hold their liquor decently, Armin knows his limits really well… Connie’s a bit of a lightweight though. I wonder if they’re all taking care of him right now. At least he doesn’t have any hair to hold back, it’s a nightmare when Sasha gets sick.”

“Pleasant.”

The crowds were thicker as they got closer to the wharf and Eren was suddenly conscious of the fact that there was the occasional curious look in their direction as they walked along. Levi seemed unperturbed –or oblivious – and Eren resolved to try and ignore them as well. After a while, the slow movement of the crowd and the weighing silence on the both of them became slightly too much for Eren.

“So I’m guessing this isn’t your first time in P-Town if Hanji is a year rounder.”

“Hardly. I came here even before I knew them.”

“Oh?”

“I’m a gay man from Massachusetts and there was something more…” Levi paused, his brow furrowed. “…romantic about it? I grew up in a city and wanted to get out.”

"So where are you from?" Eren's question was met with silence and he realized that much like the question of what and where Levi taught, he wasn't going to get an answer. He was saved from the drawn out pointed silence by his phone vibrating in his pocket.

"Your friends finally text you back?"

"Yeah, they're up by Pilgrim Monument."

"Looks like we're heading the same way." Levi glanced down at his watch and then pulled out his phone to tap out a text. "Not sure if Hanji and Moblit are there yet but I may as well walk in the same direction."

They walked up the hill together, falling into an odd cadence of walking and awkwardly catching up with what they had been doing in the past couple of weeks. Levi talked about one of his stranger clients – they had him sit silently and watch them cook – and Eren about the various mundane things he had done in an effort to forget about the debacle of two weeks prior, the both of them studiously avoiding just _why_ they hadn't spoken in over two weeks. Eren could feel the change in their dynamic; the distance that Levi was trying to put between them even as they fell into a familiar pattern. There was something that kept drawing Eren's eyes to Levi's face, wondering how he felt about hiring himself out to eat lunch with people or to help them plant flowers. His remarks about Eren's wealth made clear that he had a certain amount of disdain for those with money but he had to wonder how deeply it ran. Eren's thoughts turned to whether Levi saw his clients as a monolith, as wealthy people who hired him or if he saw them as individual people. Whether he had seen Eren as nothing more than a part of that monolith and at what point it had changed.

Minutes of silence had passed when Levi looked away and to their right, squinting as he looked slightly uphill.

"There's Hanji and Moblit. Hope you find your friends okay." Before Eren had a chance to react and say goodbye, Levi was nudging his way through the crowd. Up the block, Eren could see Hanji talking to a brown-haired person standing next to them who was looking decidedly uncomfortable about the crowded street and Eren figured that this was the "Moblit" who Levi had been talking about earlier. Levi didn't turn back or acknowledge him as he departed and Eren was left to awkwardly walk away, texting Armin to figure out where exactly he should be meeting up with them.

 

Levi walked up the hill to where Hanji and Moblit were standing on a street corner. He knew it wasn't kind to leave Eren so abruptly but he hoped that it would drive home that _no_ , he wasn't interested. And so he walked forward, a slight frown on his face, towards the both of them. Hanji didn't pay attention to his approach, their brow furrowed as they looked away, focusing on a point downhill. They only turned to face him when he was a few feet away, looking at him thoughtfully.

"Just ask the question, Hanji." There was tension in Levi's body and Hanji continued to look at him as though trying to decide something.

"Was that Eren you were with?"

"Yeah." His eyes darted to Moblit's somewhat puzzled expression before going back to Hanji. "He got separated from his friends and some creep was staring at him so I stuck around until he heard back from them."

"Nice of you."

"I guess." Levi's voice was soft.

"Okay, so I don't want you to take this the wrong way but..." Hanji frowned and crossed their arms before continuing. "You looked happy just talking. _Both_ of you. That is in no way a 'full steam ahead' blessing, but you haven't looked that comfortable talking to someone who you haven't known since college in a long time."

"I don't think..." Levi crossed his arms in front of himself and shifted awkwardly.

"The last thing I'm saying is that you should sleep with him." Hanji looked up as though praying for patience. "The two of you seem to get along really well on a completely platonic level and I think it might be healthy for you to explore that."

"That's not all he wants." Levi arched an eyebrow at Hanji and was met with a serious look.

"The onus is on you as the older adult. I'm sure that you of all people can keep the both of you well away from crossing that line. And if you _do_ I will kill you and dump your body in the Atlantic."

"I'm not sure it's –"

"Do you miss groping him or talking with him?"

 _"Excuse me?"_ Hanji looked unperturbed by Levi’s outburst.  Moblit stared at the both of them with a strained look on his face, unable to decide whether he did or didn't want to know what they were talking about.

"When you were with him just now, what were you feeling?" Levi looked distinctly uncomfortable as he stared determinedly at the tree just behind Hanji. "Did you want to fuck him or talk to him?"

"Are you –?" He met their eyes and glared at them angrily before turning sharply and looking away. "I wish I'd never agreed to go to the fucking drive-in and that I still had a running partner."

"You hate talking while running." Hanji looked surprised at him.

"We didn't." Levi turned away to stare down at his feet and mumbled. “It was just nice to have him with me.”

“And there you go.”

 

Elsewhere, Eren sat on the curb of the street with his friends, neck craned upwards as he watched the fireworks start. The colors glittered and rippled as the ocean reflected them, distorted by the movement of the water. And in that shining, sparkling moment with euphoria gripping everyone around him, Eren felt at peace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I mentioned Pilgrim monument so here, have some info about the [Pilgrim Monument](http://www.pilgrim-monument.org/)
> 
> Also, a disclaimer: I have never been to the 4th of July fireworks in P-Town because it's way too fucking expensive to go on vacation somewhere for the holiday. Generally I just stay home and watch Independence Day. Any inaccuracies are the product of me not being able to find enough info about the damn holiday and how Provincetown celebrates.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, I had absolutely no time to edit since work was absolutely batshit this week and then I _actually had a social life_ and ended up staying out until 2.30am on Friday before waking up at 6am to go to work and then sleeping on and off from 7pm Friday until 12pm today (Saturday) so uh yeah. On the bright side, that means fewer days between this chapter and the next!

Eren woke up in the game room of Jean's house. At one point it had been solely a game room; the place where they retreated to play foosball and video games when their parents started talking investments and yacht maintenance. Now it was a good place to crash after drinking too much, the basement room’s small windows limiting the amount of light coming in and making it an ideal place to recover. Eren sat up and stretched, looking at the sprawled out bodies of his friends, thankful that he'd agreed to be the designated driver and in no way envying the state that everyone else would be waking up in. He looked at his phone to check the time and saw that there was a text that had been sent late the night before.

 **[Levi:]** Hanji says that they don't think it would be awful if we were friends and only friends.

He felt something not-unpleasant twist in his stomach and a grin slowly crept across his face, his cheeks hurting the longer he held the smile. There was a thrill in his body that overcame the thought that Hanji must have been watching them for a bit before Levi noticed them and he tried to ignore the fact that Levi had needed someone else's go-ahead before reaching out to him. He stared at his phone for the next fifteen minutes, trying to figure out how to respond and sound mature rather than giving in to the enthusiastic happiness currently running through his body.

 **[Eren:]** I'd really like that

Levi didn't respond immediately, though Eren hadn't expected him to when the timestamp said 2am and it wasn’t even 9am yet. He glanced around the room again, trying to decide whether he wanted to deal with his friends' hangovers or get out sooner rather than later.

After a few minutes of contemplation he decided that he was far too awake to wait for everyone else to rejoin the land of the living and began to try and find his pants while being as quiet as possible. Stepping around everyone proved to be more difficult than he originally anticipated and he decided that he _really_ didn't need to see Armin and Jean cuddling while only partially clothed. It was one thing to see either of them dressing or undressing in the context of living together in their school’s dormitory but it was another thing entirely to see two of his friends tangled up together, never mind that one of them had been his best friend since pre-school. The idea that they might do anything other than hold hands or _maybe_ share a chaste kiss left Eren feeling oddly uncomfortable. He'd known Armin since before they – well, before _he_ could read and the fact that he absolutely refused to kiss and tell had allowed Eren to continue his belief that Armin was some sort of shining ascended being uninterested in physical pleasure. Unfortunately, his state of partial undress and the mess of love bites on both him _and_ Jean had him being suddenly and violently disabused of that notion. He shuddered as he walked up the stairs, flashing a cheery smile to Jean's mother as he left.

He went for the shower as soon as he got home, feeling as though something had been lifted off of him. There was still some skittish uncertainty about his relationship with Levi – or rather, he was uncertain about whether he should be thrilled that Levi wanted to be friends or slightly disappointed by the absolutism of being “friends and only friends." There would always be boundaries in relationships but theirs had been moving along at a nice pace until his age had come up, and while he would rather Levi be a friend than not have Levi around at all, Eren couldn't help but feel as though it were unfair. He frowned at his reflection in the bathroom mirror, trying to puzzle out the conflicting thoughts and emotions. For the first time in weeks he felt like things might be okay and that he didn't fuck up too badly. Rubbing his head with a towel, Eren walked back to his room and saw that he had another text.

 **[Levi:]** I found a new place that's nice to run

Something about the text had him breaking out into another huge grin. It wasn't much of a conversation starter and definitely wasn't an open invitation but it did present an opening for him to steer the way to a certain degree.

 **[Eren:]** Got sick of the rail trail finally?

He bit his lip and tried not to squirm as he texted the follow-up message.

 **[Eren:]** Where is it? Still running every day?

 **[Levi:]** Old Kings Hwy @ Gull Pond Rd... Cut back to T-F, Su

 **[Levi:]** I usually get there around 7

 **[Eren:]** Want some company?

 **[Levi:]** Only if you can keep up

 

The new run was even more of a "trail" than the Rail Trail in that they jogged along a road for a bit before turning off onto a mostly dirt path running through the woods. It felt different and yet familiar as they both started off their run. That same quiet companionship was back and yet something had shifted; their relationship had been defined.

After having spent the entire car ride to their meeting point questioning whether he should really meet up with Levi or whether it was best to let things be, Eren was finally put at ease by the quietly nervous look on Levi’s face before he noticed Eren, lines of worry smoothing in relief. There was a silence between them and Eren wondered if they would be breaking that tradition, what either of them might say – what he should say. They stood there at a stalemate for a moment before Eren gave Levi a nod and pushed off into his first step, Levi following only a moment later.

That same synchronized rhythm that they'd had before began to set in. They didn't speak to one another and yet they never needed to communicate verbally who should fall back if there was another person on the path or if one of them needed to slow up slightly. Everything fell back into their old pattern without any conscious effort and they made room for the other without a single verbal cue.

Eren had expected that they would continue straight at the fork intersection in order to loop back around the pond but instead they made a turn onto another path, eventually coming out onto a paved street heading out towards the beach. They didn't say anything as they got closer, the screams of the gulls and the sound of the surf reaching up the dunes towards them. They slowed up as they got to the small parking area by the beach, a couple of other cars in the lot in spite of the early hour. As the sea breeze greeted them and cooled the sweat on their bodies Eren followed Levi as he walked through the parking lot and towards the beach. Eren took in a deep breath of salty air as they stood at the top of the dune and looked out at the ocean; two people were sitting farther up the beach watching the ocean while a lone surfer drifted out in the waves.

"I bike from Hanji's so I like to take a break here."

"You don't drive?"

"Not much parking."

"True."

They both fell silent again, some sort of easy intimacy coming over them as they continued to watch the waves and the shifting light of the sun as the sun rose higher and the clouds burned away. Eren glanced over at Levi and found him standing still, his eyes closed and his face calm as he breathed in the cool salty air. He was standing close enough that Eren could see the tiniest beginnings of crow's feet at the corners of his eyes and that when completely relaxed, his forehead was unwrinkled in spite of his frequently furrowed brow. Levi's eyes opened suddenly and Eren averted his gaze.

"We should go back to the trail now."

 

They started running together again, this time through explicit design rather than planned coincidence. Eren didn't completely match Levi's running schedule, taking off Friday since Armin was unable to drive his grandpa's car to his internship and letting Levi know the day before. It was one of the few conversations that they had running that whole week. Besides that one and their brief conversation on the first day they only spoke one other time. It was Sunday and the mist had been thick when they started but had quickly dissipated so that it was bright and clear by the end of their run. They stood together in the dappled sunshine beneath the foliage, focusing on their breathing before heading their respective ways when Levi broke the silence.

"What are some good lunch places in Wellfleet?" Eren’s head snapped to the side to look at Levi.

"Depends on what I'm looking for? Like some places are good but not always as casual as I want."

"So if I was looking for a casual place to take a friend?"

"Have you been to Mac's yet?" Levi gave Eren a puzzled look and he elaborated. "Mac's Shack; it's in Wellfleet proper."

"No, I haven't."

"They have really good seafood."

"I have Mondays off." A conflicted expression flitted across Levi's face. "Would you want to go to lunch? As friends."

"Yeah." A grin crept across Eren's face and he watched as Levi ducked his head slightly so that his own smile was less obvious. "Yeah, I'd like that. Does noon work?"

"Yeah."

 

Levi showed up at the restaurant just before noon, hopping off his bike and walking it the last little bit to avoid contending with the heavier road traffic. He was just turning into the driveway when he saw Eren already waiting near the entrance. After a moment he turned and waved, Levi acknowledging him with a nod as he brought his bike around the side to lock it up. Upon his return he saw Eren waving a bit more energetically to get him to come over, frowning he drew closer.

"I got here early to put our names in, they're about to seat us."

"How early did you get here?"

"Around eleven thirty." Eren smiled awkwardly at Levi's look of surprise. "Sometimes the wait is really long for lunch."

"I wouldn't have minded waiting."

"Armin needed a ride again today and I knew I'd only be home for half an hour before needing to head out again so I decided to just get here early."

"Thanks."

The hostess seated them outside, Eren taking the sunnier side of the table and stretching before sitting down, reveling in the hot sun and the cool breeze. They fell silent, Eren shifting in his seat and waiting for Levi to start the conversation, grateful when the waitress brought their water and menus as it gave him something to either hide behind or start a conversation with depending on Levi's response.

"So uh, what do you think you're getting?"

"Not sure."

"Pretty much all the seafood is good."

"Even the lobster rolls?"

"Yeah." Eren floundered, realizing the conversation was about to sputter out. "Do you like lobster rolls?"

"Hanji and I have been on what they've termed Lobster Roll Quest. We've only hit up mediocre places though."

"Well they're good here."

"Getting a bit bored with them."

"Oh." Eren racked his brain, trying to figure out another way to keep the conversation going, grateful when Levi actually tried to keep it going.

"What were you thinking of getting?"

"I like oysters but it's not the season for them." Levi raised an eyebrow and Eren went on to explain. "You're not supposed to buy oysters in a month without an 'r' in it. They aren't as good."

"Why?"

"I uh... I really don't know."

"That something they teach you in fancy-ass private school?" The corner of Levi's mouth quirked up and Eren's face scrunched up as he looked down and mumbled his reply.

"Fancy-ass dinner parties."

"It's spawning season. They're softer and less flavorful." Eren looked up at Levi in surprise.

"That something they teach you in uh... fancy-ass something?"

"Hanji is a marine biologist. I tried ordering oysters in May and they nearly slapped the menu out of my hand and gave me a whole lecture. They spawn May through August so they're fattier and more watery. Dilutes the flavor."

"Wow."

"And now you can pretend you're an oyster aficionado at those fancy-ass dinner parties."

"I don't think knowing when oysters spawn makes me an aficionado. Someone asks one more question and I'm screwed."

"Pick a couple of oysters that you like and learn some buzzwords. Most people don't know anything so they'll just assume you know what you're talking about. Doesn't hold up with people who _actually_ know what they're talking about but there probably won’t be many." Levi paused, a playful look on his face. “Even at fancy-ass dinner parties.”

"So what then, do you do that?"

"I've had the dubious pleasure of going to a couple of parties with friends who ended up getting more _conventionally_ prestigious jobs than my own. According to anybody I've spoken with at those parties I'm well-versed in 20 th century architecture and particularly interested in the neo-brutalist style."

"Are you?"

"Hell no. It's a good party trick though. What's the likelihood anyone else knows what neo-brutalism is?" Eren burst out laughing and Levi turned to look out at the parking lot, grinning while Eren got control of his laughter.

"So I should learn a bit more about oysters then?"

"Go for it."

They were interrupted by the waitress coming by to take their orders and collect their menus. The both of them ended up ordering lobster dishes and Eren tried to keep a straight face as he ordered a lobster roll, Levi rolling his eyes at him in exasperation. They fell into conversation more easily now, Eren talking about his friends and things he enjoyed doing on the Cape and Levi talking a little bit about Hanji but focusing the conversation largely on Eren rather than himself. They continued to skirt around what Levi taught and where and what Eren would be doing now that he had graduated from high school. The most detail either of them went into was that Levi was from Massachusetts and that Eren was from Connecticut and had attended a boarding school also located there. Anything more personal than that was quickly understood to be off-limits for conversation.

"So your friend is working for the Audubon Society?"

"Yeah, an internship. And now he's dating Jean – at least I think they're calling it dating – so things have been pretty quiet for me. It's been nice if a little lonely."

"Enter the thirty-nine year old man who is company-for-hire?"

"That's not –!"

"I'm kidding."

"Jerk."

"Hm. Well, you were a pretty good customer. No ogling me while I was on the clock." The both of them stiffened and Eren jumped in to steer the conversation away from troubled waters, picking the first thing that came to mind.

"If you're from Massachusetts you're a Red Sox fan, yeah?"

Levi picked up the line of conversation quickly, asserting that when it came to Massachusetts' favorite religion, he himself was an agnostic. From there they jumped into safer topics, Eren prodding at the extent of Levi's knowledge of neo-brutalist architecture and insisting on picking up the check in spite of Levi's grumbling.

Their parting was warm, a confirmation that they would be running the next morning and Levi revealing that he had Thursdays off as well, the downside being that it was the result of there being more people on the Cape now and therefore fewer lonely old ladies looking for a lunch companion or handyman.

 

With Levi's increased free time they ended up having breakfast in Wellfleet on the following Sunday after their run, Levi shoving his bike into Eren's car and mumbling an apology about getting dirt in it. Eren waved it off saying that he had been meaning to vacuum out the inside for a while now. Conversation came easier this time, no uncertain starts or stilted pauses as they sat down in the small and homey restaurant. The conversation moved and shifted as they ate, evolving naturally over the course of the meal.

"So you haven't been to the Audubon Society trails?"

"No, did you forget that I spent the first half of the summer working regularly and having issues finding time to actually socialize with the person I was living with?"

"Sorry. Do you want to go? As friends. And not today." Eren tensed, expecting things to get uncomfortable with the halting invitation.

"When did you want to go?" Levi's lack of hesitation had Eren relaxing back into his seat.

"Mond –" Eren cut himself off as he remembered that Armin worked there on Mondays and tried to remember a day that he didn't work. "Wednesday?"

"Wednesday?" Levi frowned slightly. "So I guess do the hike instead of running?"

"The trails are really easy, we could do both. If you wanted, that is." Eren laughed awkwardly. "Unless you're sick of seeing me."

"What time were you thinking?" Something tiny and ecstatic filled Eren's chest at Levi's easy agreement.

"Noon? I can bring some sandwiches and we can eat there. There's a nice little marshy beach at the end of one of the trails."

"Sounds like a plan."

Levi ended up paying for breakfast while Eren was in the bathroom, surprising him as he asked for the check on the way back to the table and found that it was already paid. They parted ways with warm smiles and Eren could feel Levi's fingers brushing his arm long after he'd left. Rather than return home immediately he stopped off at a quiet beach on the bay side of the Cape. Walking along the coast he repeated a mantra with every footstep.

Just friends. Just friends. Just friends.

 

**

Eren arrived at the Audubon Society welcome center before Levi, paying the admission fee for the both of them while he waited for Levi to show up. Part of him was surprised when he realized that Levi had driven himself rather than biking as he usually did.

"You drove."

"I did." Levi raised an eyebrow at Eren. "You know I have a car."

"Yeah but you almost never drive.

“I biked and ran this morning and even if we’re going on a leisurely hike now I _do_ have work tomorrow." They walked back into the welcome center, Levi pausing and getting ready to pay.

"Oh, don't worry. I already got it." Eren tried to ignore the mildly sour look on Levi's face as they passed through the building and back outside to the start of the trail network.

"I can't say I see the appeal of having a sugar daddy."

"I just..." Eren's face twisted as he tried to pick out the words. "I have the money and I like paying for friends when we do things because I'd rather we do them than not."

"A true philanthropist." There was a sarcastic edge to Levi's tone that Eren elected to ignore, the both of them setting off silently down the path.

The trails were relatively empty that day and fellow hikers were few and far between. They walked the majority of the trails, only leaving off the Try Island after Levi saw the caveat on the map that the trail could end up underwater at high tide and without a tide chart neither of them was particularly willing to chance it. Instead, they headed for the boardwalk trail towards the water. After a great deal of silence between Levi's comment and the present, Eren decided to try and strike up a conversation again.

"So you're a teacher but public schools don't let out until late-June. How did you end up here in May?" It was a question that had been stuck in Eren's mind for ages now and he finally felt comfortable enough saying it out loud.

"I've actually been here since the middle of March."

"So I guess the obvious follow-up question is why?" Eren paused as he realized his question might be too prying. "If you don't mind me asking that is."

Levi stopped walking, frowning and looking off into the distance. When he spoke, his sentences were clipped and precise.

"My mother died in February. She had stomach cancer and they caught it late. She lived less than three months after the diagnosis. Even if she'd had better treatment options we wouldn't have been able to afford them."

"I'm sorry."

"She was fifty-seven." Levi watched out of the corner of his eye as Eren did the mental math of fifty-seven minus thirty-nine.

"Oh." It was more of a soft exhale than a word.

"Took a week off after but then – my uncle was an asshole. Barely around and when he was, it wasn't pretty. But when his baby sister got sick..." Levi shook his head. "Finally decided to be a decent human and take care of his sister when she was dying."

Eren was staring at Levi now, his face open and agitated as he tried to find the words he needed – sympathy and condolences that he had never needed to say before. Levi gave him a quick sideways glance and started to walk again, continuing to talk.

"Beginning of March he died. Hit by a drunk driver walking home from work."

"And your dad?" Eren winced, intuiting the answer as soon as the words left his mouth and expecting a sharp response. Levi only shrugged.

"Take a guess."

"Sorry."

"It's fine." Levi stopped walking again and they looked out over the marsh. He let his eyes close as the breeze picked up and took in a deep breath, exhaling long and slow. "I didn't take it well. The district was kind enough to give me the rest of the year off. There are perks to being a surprisingly popular curmudgeonly teacher."

He opened his eyes again and turned to Eren, looking slightly up at him, taking in his discomfort and his empathy. Eren's silence – however awkward – was appreciated. That he was out of his comfort zone was obvious but rather than try to fill it with inane words, he simply let it be. When Eren spoke again, his words were carefully picked.

"My mom died when I was little."  Eren paused and frowned. "I was only four so I don't remember her that well. My dad remarried when I was seven and Asahi – my step-mom – is pretty much my mom. It was weird at first but getting a step-sister was nice. Her name’s Mikasa; she's in Japan visiting relatives this summer though. Dad and Asahi went to Germany for a medical conference and he’s staying to see his family. Asahi is in Japan with Mikasa and her family until August."

"So that's why you're here alone?" Levi turned towards him, an odd look on his face.

"I didn't want to go to Germany. Dad's family isn't big and most of them only speak German and since I don't..." Eren trailed off and shrugged.

"You never learned?" Eren shook his head no. "Ever wish you did?"

"Honestly? Only so people would stop frowning when I say no." A soft smile came across Levi's face.

"I can respect that."

 

When they got to the inlet past the marsh the midday sun was high above them, the gentle current of the water glistening and dancing. The both of them sat on a bench looking out over the beach, Eren taking a pair of sandwiches out of his backpack and offering one to Levi. They were inelegantly wrapped in waxed paper, messy and clearly homemade.

“I hope you like turkey and tomato… it’s all I had in the house.” Eren paused, still holding the sandwiches. “One has mayonnaise and the other has mustard. I didn’t know which you’d want.”

“I’m not picky. Which would you prefer?”

“Well, I’m not really picky either. Do you want mayo or mustard?”

“I already said I don’t care.” Levi was just barely holding back a smile but Eren was too exasperated to pick up on it.

“Just pick a sandwich.”

“Fine. Mustard.”

“ _Thank_ you.” Eren looked down at the sandwiches in his hands, making a disgruntled noise.

“What, don’t actually like mayo?”

“I meant to put an ‘M’ on one of them so that I knew that one was mayo. I put an ‘M’ on both of them.” Eren flushed slightly as Levi let out a short laugh.

“I guess it’s a good thing neither of us are picky.”

The both of them unwrapped their sandwiches and began to eat. Eren ended up with mustard, Levi’s nose wrinkling when Eren offered to switch after having already taken a bite out of his sandwich. A breeze provided a nice contrast to the hot sun, cooling them and causing the waxed paper from their sandwiches to rustle in the wind. They ended up sharing Levi’s water, Eren having forgotten his own in the car. Eren laughed at Levi’s grimace when he offered the water back to him. Instead, Levi stood up, slipping off his shoes and shedding the light button-down shirt he’d been wearing open over it. Eren couldn’t help but stare slightly, the loose tank top that Levi had been wearing underneath revealing toned arms, the definition of which hinted at equally well-formed shoulder and back muscles.

Eren watched Levi’s receding back as he waded out into the shallows, water lapping at bare calves. It struck Eren that while Levi generally wore running shorts that bared most of his legs, there was something oddly compelling about him wearing board shorts that ended a couple of inches above his knees. After a moment’s hesitation about whether or not he wanted to leave their backpacks unattended, Eren stashed them under the bench they had been sitting on and took off his own shoes before heading after Levi.

They walked along, tiny crabs scuttling out of their way, picking their way around the blooms of kelp and seaweed washed up on the shore, watching the lazy crawl of a horseshoe crab in the shallows. There was a hypnotic sway and hush of the tall coastal grass across the inlet mingling with the soft surf of the water, soothing noises that filled the lull between the two of them, not speaking as they walked along. The strong smell of seaweed and dead fish under the sun grew stronger as they walked out closer to the water, the sand becoming softer and muddier as they went, feet sinking easily where water covered the sand.

Finally, Levi stopped walking, looking out at the water and bringing a hand up to push his hair back, eyes falling closed and face turning up towards the sun. He breathed in deeply and paused, his figure still save for the breeze ruffling his hair and clothing. Eren turned to watch him, the couple of feet between them feeling like miles as he watched the other man in fascination, something both terrifying and exhilarating flying through his stomach. When Levi opened his eyes and turned back to him it was all he could do to swallow around the bitter lump in his throat before giving him a tiny smile, not trusting his voice to sound as nonchalant as he wanted to be. The expression on Levi’s face was distant and yet intimate, not seeing Eren so much as seeing through him. When he turned back to the water he spoke softly; perhaps the words were intended for the wind, perhaps for Eren.

“I don’t know that I’ve felt this at peace in a long time.”

Eren didn’t say anything, recognizing that even if Levi had been addressing him directly, he wasn’t looking for any sort of a response. As they continued standing together Eren realized that the couple of feet that had been between them had somehow disappeared. Whether consciously or unconsciously they had gravitated towards one another, now standing practically shoulder-to-shoulder with the gentle waves lapping at their feet. He looked out into the bay, trying to see whatever Levi was looking at, frowning as he failed to find anything except for the water stretching out before them into infinity to kiss the horizon. He wondered how Levi could feel at peace staring out at the expanse before them when his own heart pounded for the endless mystery of it, the cry of gulls and the air and the tide blending together into a melody that pulled at his chest, taking away the pain and leaving only a sense of wonderment. And maybe, just maybe, he thought that what he saw as delirious and joyful adventure somehow filled Levi with a sort of peace, that same soaring feeling lifting some of the sorrow laying heavily on his heart.

“We should probably head back now.” Eren tore his gaze away from the horizon at Levi’s words, meeting his eyes and realizing that the other man had already been facing him, looking at him intently as though in study.

“Yeah, I left our stuff at the bench.”

The walk back seemed shorter and in spite of the fact that their walk out had been silent, this felt even quieter, somehow more isolated as they walked along.  Walking away from the ocean he felt a terrible and painful tug in his chest that had nothing to do with leaving the vast openness behind and everything to do with the man walking only a few paces in front of him.

And his feet continued to beat out that aching reminder.

Just friends. Just friends. Just friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So when I was on the Cape in 2014 I undertook what came to be known as "Lobster Roll Quest 2k14" where if we went somewhere and they had lobster rolls on the menu I had to get them. I ate _a lot_ of lobster rolls and imho, [Mac's Shack](https://www.macsseafood.com/restaurants/macs-shack) had the best one. Basic, no frills, very fresh.
> 
> The [ Wellfleet Bay Wildlife Sanctuary](http://www.massaudubon.org/get-outdoors/wildlife-sanctuaries/wellfleet-bay) has a really cool small network of trails, one of which goes out to the bay and there are all of these tiny little crabs that scuttle all over. I've never walked the Try Island trail because I never look at a tide chart beforehand or I forget and wear clothing I'd prefer not to get soaked.
> 
> Oh and for those unaware, the Boston Red Sox are a baseball team and it really may as well be a religion given the devotion of the fans.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter scares the hell out of me because I'm jumping past too much development. I'm so sorry, please suspend some disbelief because I couldn't have this turn into another monster like At Least You're Not Aquaman.

They had settled into a rhythm of running together on most days, Eren skipping a day here and there in order to drop Armin off at the Audubon Society for his internship. The major difference from their early days was that they had each other’s cell phone numbers and so when Eren had to drop Armin off last minute he was able to let Levi know he wouldn’t be there and when Levi came down with a mild cold Eren was able to shut off his alarm and sleep in the next morning.

The usefulness of having each other’s numbers wasn’t limited to the pragmatic convenience of being able to keep one another abreast of their running schedule, it also meant that Eren could text Levi hours after their run and ask him if he was free to get together for an impromptu lunch. They always went somewhere casual and in spite of Levi’s grumbling, Eren usually picked up the check.

Time passed laconically, all gentle sunshine and surf and the screams of gulls wrapping around them. Their feet pressed into sand, the ground tentative beneath their feet and a relaxed and undefined mood tangible in the salt air. There was the quiet temporal press of the day pushing them forward, propelling them onwards and dissipating as the shadows elongated. An unspoken rule had been established that they not spend any time together as the sunset approached, the romanticism of gold and pink arcing over the fiery ocean providing a backdrop that was all-too-romantic.

And so Eren watched sunsets alone, the setting sun lighting the world as though forged in molten gold and slowly fading to dying embers. There was a loneliness in sitting on a lone piece of driftwood as he watched the sun sink below the horizon, its rays reaching up and in his melancholy giving the impression of someone drowning; their fingertips reaching up in desperation. The world turned on around him; Armin and Jean drawing ever-closer while Connie and Sasha's bright energy no longer fully enveloped him, at times making him feel lonelier than if he had actually been alone.

While things were so bright and alive when he was with Levi, the illusion came crashing down as soon as they parted. It was melodramatic and he knew it, knew it from the frown on Armin's face and Jean’s exasperated sighs, but it didn't make it hurt any less. There was more to his chemistry with Levi than simply being friends; he knew that from the intentional distance that Levi kept between them. On some days the unfairness of it all would peak as he watched the gulls flocking and tumbling together, as the waves drew out from beneath his feet and he walked along empty beaches with fires pricking in the distance. Post-sunset darkness settled around him, a cool and familiar loneliness he greeted wearily as an old friend.

An ache settled in, a wish that Mikasa and his parents might come back sooner conflicting with his desire to spend more time with Levi. He knew that the return of his family would mean sailing and beach excursions and dinners to make up for their absence, and yet there was that conflicting desire for the company of his family versus the company of someone who he had spent the summer falling for. It wasn't all that he wanted, but even the brush of Levi's fingers against his own would satisfy some of that yearning. A confirmation that there really was something there and the reciprocity of Levi's feelings wasn't some fantasy he had conjured to torture himself with.

 

There was something different about this day. A certain soft clarity as they drove along, Eren continuing down less traveled roads as he and Levi went around the beaches on the bay side of the Cape, showing off the smaller beaches, some popular and others quiet and tucked away in the dunes. At one beach they walked out into the water, waves lapping so gently at their thighs that it may as well have been a pond. The beach was steadily narrowing as they left, families packed in together as the water spread and claimed the sand. Levi had frowned as they returned to where they had parked the car, their legs wet and sandy. He had hesitated before getting in but ultimately didn’t voice any complaint.

They continued on through the day, down roads cutting along the coast, coniferous and deciduous trees passing by as the houses thinned out and fellow drivers became less common. The road suddenly opened up to tall grass and water, small tufts of land protruding from the still surface. Eren watched out of the corner of his eye at the serene look on Levi's face as they passed over the water along a straightaway, the road dipping slightly down before elevating again and bringing them back into the woods.

They followed along the soft curves of the road, suddenly making a sharp turn almost as though to turn back on themselves before heading down a small narrow road. They continued on until it gave way to a rougher surface before finally reaching a dead end. The sound of the ocean was barely audible over the grassy dunes, the sunlight starting to bend and warm as they got out of the car.

"Aren't we on someone's property?"

"No. Well, there's the one house but they don't own this whole thing. Just a little bit." Eren stepped out of the car, motioning for Levi to do the same."

"I'm pretty sure this isn't a legal parking space." Levi got out of the car as well, frowning at the narrow road and looking behind them where two cars were parked fifty yards behind them in a dirt turn-out. "Can you even park here at all?"

"I haven't gotten a ticket yet." Levi snorted and followed Eren down the path off of the road, the both of them heading along the dunes.

"So where are we now?"

"This is my favorite beach. I like to come here to think or when I want to be alone." Eren's voice was quiet. "I've been coming here a lot lately."

"What makes this one so special?"

"You'll see."

 

The path off of the road was made of hard packed dirt, completely different from the sandy paths of earlier beaches. They removed their shoes as they walked along the cool earth stepping carefully on the mat of dried reeds covering part of the path, eventually giving way to the silty sand of the bay side of the Cape. It heated up as they continued, feet sinking down and their bags feeling heavier for it. Levi was on the verge of asking where the hell they were going when they came across a cut in the dunes, a sign with the beach’s name almost completely engulfed in the sand.

As they crested the short path the beach came into view; the dunes rolling down sharply to flatten out and meet the ocean. This was by far the quietest beach that they had been to with only two families there, parents with younger children splashing in the water. The sound of water drawing back in a rush over hidden rocks was calm, the surf a drawn out and pebbly sigh.

“Oh good, _another_ beach with rocks.” Levi grumbled and set his bag down, pulling out a bottle of water. “Are there any beaches that are rock free, child free, _and_ drunk asshole college student free?”

“Two out of three if you're lucky.”

They left their bags together at the base of the low dunes, walking to the water and trying to avoid stepping on some of the sharper rocks. They stood, looking out at the water for a bit before Levi eventually turned his back to the water and walked towards their things again. For one brief moment Eren thought that Levi might want to leave entirely, following him with a protest on his tongue. Instead, Levi pulled out the large blanket they had been using at various points throughout the day, the both of them shaking it out and placing shoes and bags and water bottles at strategic points along the edges to keep it from blowing away. They sat together on opposite sides of the blanket, the space separating them a yawning gulf.

Eren imagined that he could see that gulf, the enforced and false space falling between them. Together they sat facing out at the ocean, legs stretched out and palms on the ground, supporting themselves more fully. Levi didn’t seem to make any particular note of their surroundings, his face turned up to the sun, relaxed and content. Eren could barely help the repeated glances that he made down to their hands, fingertips separated by no more than a few inches, close enough that he could reach out and far enough that there was no claiming it was an accident.

Calmly, Eren stared out at the water, watching as the children seemed to slowly rise up out of the water. Wet sand began to surface and the children kicked up the muddy silt as they ran along. He couldn’t gather up the nerve to try and get Levi’s attention with a bump or tap. Instead, he opted to say the other man’s name questioningly and watched the slow opening of Levi’s eyes and was greeted by pale blue and a furrowed brow.

“Look.” Eren jerked his head towards where the children were playing on the rising sand bar, the rocky portion of the beach now wider than before. “Come on.”

“What?” Levi stared at Eren as he stood up.

“The water is pretty warm here and if you get out to the sandbar past the rocks it’s all a soft bed of sand.” Eren held out his hand hopefully. “It’s really nice, I promise.”

“We’re going in the water?”

“Yeah.” Eren grinned as Levi stood up.

“And we have to walk across yards of sharp rocks?” Levi looked down at his bare feet and scowled out at the coastline, the rocks glistening wet in the sun.

“I promise it’s worth it.”

“Had better be.” Levi grumbled and followed Eren towards the sandbar where the children were playing, the rocky expanse narrower where the sandbar rose.

They walked out cautiously, the receding tide exposing algae-covered rocks. They were getting close to the water when Eren stepped on a sharp rock and jumped back onto a slippery one, losing his balance and tripping backwards. For a brief moment his adrenaline spiked as he anticipated falling back onto the sharp rocks, but instead he found himself caught in Levi’s arms. He pulled away quickly and straightened himself up quickly, his face red as he moved forward more cautiously, a dull and painful ache in his chest threatening to overwhelm him. The both of them got a couple of odd glances from one of the parents as they reached the sandbar and headed off into the sandy shallows beyond it. Ignoring the looks as best as he could, Eren continued to press onward at a slightly faster pace, pulling far enough ahead of Levi that he could no longer hear the quiet slosh of the other man’s movements.

Eren stood out in the water, watching the hook of land in front of him, the sand dunes yellowing in the late afternoon sun. Tearing his eyes away, he looked down at the water to his feet, studying the plentiful scallop shells that littered the sand beneath his feet, looking for the larger unbroken ones. He wasn’t entirely sure what sort of shell he was looking for, but he would know it when he saw it. Fully engrossed in his search, he didn’t hear Levi approaching him until he was only a couple of feet away.

“I see why you like this beach so much.” Levi’s words were soft but Eren startled, straightening up suddenly, turning to look at Levi. He had half expected Levi to be facing him, perhaps slightly annoyed that Eren had left him in his wake but instead he was staring off at the tall dunes, the sand glowing gold as it reflected the late afternoon sun.

They stood together quietly, Eren’s hunt for shells forgotten as they stood immersed in the golden glow permeating the air, wrapping them in soft light as their bodies cast shimmering shadows across the water. There was something fuzzy and intimate in the atmosphere and even Levi’s pale skin seemed to emit a warm glow as the sun sank towards the horizon. As Levi stared out at the brilliant color of the dunes Eren studied his profile, taking in the sharp features and the slight stubble along his jaw. Levi had taken to wearing loose tank tops in the past few weeks and yet it was only now that Eren was noticing the faint sprinkling of freckles across his shoulders and upper arms. There was something oddly magnetic about the intimacy of this knowledge, drawing Eren in closer until he was practically up against Levi. Something tugged at him painfully as he looked up at the molten glow of the dunes again, and yet at the same time he was filled with a sense of soaring possibility, a daring he hadn’t felt in weeks. In the soft and fiery light he felt something well up, the impulsiveness of youth pushing him forward into bravery.

He reached out then, bridging those few inches between them. His fingertips brushing Levi’s and slotting his own between them loosely.

The feeling was something akin to jumping from a great height, uncertain as to whether the landing would be gentle or catastrophic. And yet at the same time there was an unbelievable moment of lightness, a joy in that moment of freefall before impact. It was a heart stopping split second as Eren watched the ground coming up fast, bracing for disaster as that moment stretched –

Levi’s fingers curled and gripped his own, tightly lacing their hands together, their palms flush and warm against one another’s.

The ground never came up to meet the end of his freefall; instead, Eren flew.

He glanced over at Levi, expecting perhaps guilt or resignation. Instead, there was a quiet look of happiness and fierce determination as he continued to look out ahead of them, giving Eren’s hand a tight squeeze before loosening his grip, not removing his hand but letting their fingers relax to casually meet and intertwine. Eren moved closer so that the warm skin of their arms was touching and before he could think better of it, he dipped his head down to lay a gentle kiss on Levi’s bare shoulder, snorting quietly at Levi’s soft groan and furrowed brow.

“Hanji is going to _kill_ me.”

Eren could help but laugh, happiness bubbling up from his stomach and Levi smiling softly and shaking his head in response. They walked along together, moving further out into the ocean until they were deep enough that their shirts were now touching the water. Levi aided Eren in his search for shells, the both of them eventually discovering a pure white scallop shell large almost enough to cover either of their palms.

They did not let go of one another’s hands until they had returned to the blanket; not letting go in spite of the odd looks from the remaining family as they returned to shore and only loosening their grasp as they walked across the rocks as they left the gentle wavelets behind them. They let go as they reached the blanket, sitting together as the sun faded and watching the water pull back further until it revealed a rocky and sandy trough, the sandbar a hill rising up and falling back to the water. The light began to cool as the sun set; the sky turning silvery gold, a horizontal line of pink following the sun’s descent.

The golden color of the dunes began to fade, the sand changing back to its usual beige color and the bright chlorophyll green of the grass fading to a duller, darker shade. A breeze kicked up and in the absence of the sun’s warmth the dampness of their clothes caused them to shiver.

“We should probably head back.” Eren hummed in agreement and they both got up, gathering up their things, shivering occasionally as the cool wind began to pick up.

They began their walk back to the car, their hands parted but arms brushing against one another as they walked side by side down the path to the road. It wasn’t an electric feeling where their skin touched so much as it was a feeling of deep warmth, as though they had absorbed the sun itself and were radiating it back out now.

Upon returning to the car, Levi immediately went around to the trunk to put all of their things in and to change out of his wet shirt. Eren looked away as Levi did so, the act of watching feeling somehow wrong. Instead, he stripped off his own shirt and leaned into the car to grab a pullover from the back seat. As he moved back, ready to sit down and start the car up he noticed a piece of paper under the windshield. Thus far he had been lucky not getting any tickets parking so close to the beach but he supposed his luck had to run out at some point. He grabbed the piece of paper and folded it up quickly without looking at it as Levi he walked around to the passenger side, the gathering dusk swallowing up the both of them.

Levi barely frowned as they got into the car, not voicing any complaints about water or sand on the seats, simply leaning back and letting his eyes close as he let out a long breath.

“So, where to?” Eren tried to keep the uncertainty out of his voice as he started up the car, the lights of the dials and meters on the dashboard lighting the interior of the car with a soft glow.

“If you could drop me at home that would be great.”

“Oh.” Levi’s eyes fluttered open and he turned to face Eren, his expression visibly pained even in the dim and waning light.

“It’s been a long day. I’m tired and –” Levi cut himself off and grimaced before continuing. “And I’m going to be honest with you; I need some space to think.”

“And talk to Hanji.” Eren didn’t intend to sound as petulant as he did but the idea that Levi needed someone else’s approval picked at him.

“Yes, I need to talk to Hanji.” He let out a long sigh and leaned back again. “Hanji is my best friend and has been the voice of reason in my life for quite a while now. They’re _also_ the one who encouraged me to start talking to you again.”

“Didn’t you say they threatened to kill you and turn you into shark chum if you slept with me?”

“Who said I’m sleeping with you?”

Levi ignored Eren’s soft groan and turned to look out the window, watching the low trees as Eren did a multi-point turn in order to turn around and return to the main road. When he was relatively certain that Eren was focused on driving, cautious of the wildlife in the twilight, he turned to study the young man beside him.

Eren’s hair caught the wind in a wild tangle, pushed back and whipping around his face, accentuating his cheekbones. There was something kind in his eyes that Levi couldn’t help but be fascinated by, that regardless of the situation he had never seen that quiet kindness leave Eren’s face. There was empathy in Eren that astounded Levi to a certain degree. Given the similarly wealthy people he had met he would have assumed Eren to be a spoiled brat – and had when they first met – but had been proven wrong. There was youthful ignorance and wealth had insulated him from some of the harsher realities of the world but there was nothing particularly _bad_ about him, just young and sheltered. And it was what Eren had been sheltered from that left him something of an enigma to Levi. He had never experienced the difficulties that Levi had… and likely never would. Those experiences that were Levi’s were, and would always be, foreign to Eren. A small part of him resented Eren for it, but at the same time he would never wish hardship on him. A desire for compassion and understanding, but not the firsthand experience that might cause it.

He still would have preferred their gap to be smaller – would continue to question his every step – but he also found himself drawn in by Eren’s unbridled energy and passion. Age hadn’t yet dulled him and set him in his ways and there were times where Levi couldn’t predict what his next action might be and rather than exhausting him, he found it exhilarating. Spending time with someone who was still so in love with the mystery and beauty of the world, who was fearless in their actions, who had yet to be grounded by the harsher realities affected him deeply. The weightiness that had been pressing down on him was beginning to lift as he was guided back to the world by someone who saw something new in every footstep they took. That he could be there for that and live that wonder vicariously – there was more beauty to the world than he recalled.

 

Levi was so caught up in his own thoughts that he hardly noticed they’d already turned down the road to Hanji’s house. As Eren parked in front Levi could see the worry etched on Eren’s face even as he tried to hide it. There was an intimacy to the atmosphere in the car that Levi didn’t want to be forced to acknowledge, still wanted to keep his distance regardless of how things progressed.

“I really enjoyed myself today. Thank you.” Levi paused, fumbling with the inadequacy of his words. “This was… probably one of the best days I’ve had in a while.” Something clenched in his stomach at the smile that Eren was giving him.

“I’m glad. It’s kind of one of the better days I’ve had recently too.” Eren’s gaze dropped to look at the radio rather than Levi. “So, when do you think I’ll see you next?”

“We’re still on for running tomorrow, yeah?”

“No, I mean…” A frustrated look settled on Eren’s face.

“You mean when will you see me besides that.”

“Yeah.”

“I… not tomorrow.” He watched as Eren’s face fell.

“Okay.”

“I just need –”

“Some space, I know.” Eren tried to give Levi a nonchalant and reassuring smile but from Levi’s answering frown he realized it likely came across as anything but.

“Eren, I teach. I have students who are your age.” Eren let out a soft noise; Levi had never said anything beyond that he _was_ a teacher and now things were starting to fall into place better for him. There was a soft look on Levi’s face as he watched Eren’s expression change to understanding. “I’m not saying no, I’m saying let me figure this out.”

“Okay.” Eren’s voice was stronger now, surer for Levi’s elaboration. He reached out to grasp Eren’s hand in his own, giving it a tight squeeze for a moment before disentangling and saying good night, grabbing his things from the trunk of Eren’s car and walking up the path to the house. At the doorstep he turned, waving to Eren and watching the car pull away. Something tugged at his chest as he watched the receding tail lights; happiness dulled slightly by self-consciousness and worry.

 

**

Eren wasn't able to keep the grin off his face as Levi waved back to him and it stayed in place as he drove himself home. There was the uncertainty of what conclusion Levi might come to while he gave him some space to figure things out and the fact that Levi felt the need to consult with Hanji prodded at him a bit, but knowing now that Levi was a high school teacher whose students were the same age as himself… it made sense. Much as Levi’s request for space made him nervous he couldn’t help but think that maybe, just maybe it was a formality. What had happened between them at the beach had felt too real and too solid to be waved away.

What had happened between them at the drive-in had felt the same, and yet this situation was wholly different. This time they were both walking in with eyes wide open, understanding of the magnetism and oddity of their relationship.

When he arrived back home Eren immediately went for the shower, wanting to wash the gritty sand from the beach off of his skin. For all that he loved the ocean and its scent, he had his limits as to how far he would go to keep that soothing scent on him.

He stood under the shower, Levi on his mind and trying to ignore the warm heaviness between his legs. Regardless of how attractive he found the man, Eren hadn’t ever been able to bring himself to get off when he was thinking about Levi. Even now – perhaps especially now – it seemed somehow insincere and a violation of Levi’s trust. In spite of it being an off-the-cuff remark, Eren did not doubt that Levi had meant it when he said he wouldn’t be sleeping with him. And for first few minutes after it _had_ bothered him that Levi dismissed that sort of intimacy outright but now, with the mere thought of Levi’s hand in his making him feel some glorious flying sensation, he couldn’t really bring himself to care anymore. He wanted it, but he wouldn’t push. Not when he had more than he could have even hoped for just a few short weeks ago.

As he exited the bathroom he caught a glimpse of his reflection in the still-fogged mirror and turned to look at it more fully. He was caught slightly off guard by his appearance, a satisfied and quiet smile was evident and Eren stared at himself with some amount of fascination; he couldn’t remember the last time he’d had this sort of a quietly elated smile, this feeling of excited joy and daring. He remembered feeling similarly when he’d asked Thomas out, but he knew that it had less to do with asking Thomas out on a date and more to with asking another boy out on a date.

He was in good enough spirits that it didn’t particularly bother him when he got a last minute call from a flustered-sounding Armin cancelling coming over for dinner. It did however bother him slightly that he heard Jean’s voice in the background, hushed but clearly very close to the phone. Eren expended a great deal of mental effort trying to ignore just _why_ Armin was cancelling dinner plans at the last minute. Still, he hardly minded the quiet as he made himself some pasta, eating in the glistening solitude of the kitchen.

The night was calm and quiet around him, the languid inky darkness wrapping around him contrasting with the ebullient brightness that he felt. He sat out on the back porch, a single light keeping the night at bay as he pulled a blanket around himself and sipped at a mug of tea, the steam caught away by the cool wind. As he approached the bottom of his mug his limbs began to take on an exhausted heaviness that had him walking slowly back into the house and finally collapsing into bed. And yet, as soon as he was cocooned in blankets his mind turned back to Levi. The elation was still there but now, facing down the night and an unguarded subconscious, he worried that he’d misread the situation. Worried that Levi would come to the conclusion that he didn’t want to get involved with Eren. Worried that Levi would push him away again, that he would be left to himself again.

Eventually his mind quieted and he slept.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The final beach that Eren and Levi end up at is absolutely my favorite beach on the Cape. I have posted some [ photos on Tumblr](http://mybrainproblems.tumblr.com/post/133297639549/throwing-some-photos-under-the-cut-for-the-new) from when I was there this spring. Late afternoon there is absolutely breathtaking and the photos do the lighting absolutely no justice.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't realize how navel gaze-y this chapter is until I was piecing it together. Hopefully it isn't too odd.
> 
> Also: Thanksgiving in the US is this week and I'm going to be travelling next Sunday so depending on how tired I am when I get back I may be skipping next week's update. Actually, let's just say I'm skipping next week's update and it will be a pleasant surprise if I do post.

Nothing particularly special had happened the morning after their beach trip. They ran together, neither interrupting their usual placid silence until the end. Their good bye was awkward, Eren asking Levi if he wanted to get lunch and getting a mumbled request for a rain check. He let it go, reminding himself repeatedly that Levi had requested some space to think and that this wasn’t another disastrous misunderstanding.

The next morning was slightly gloomy and damp, tinging Eren’s mood slightly darker than it might have been normally. He let the extended silence be filled only by their breath and footsteps, trying to talk his brain out of thinking the worst of the situation. The relief was palpable when Levi was the one who spoke up at the end of their run. There was no hesitation from Levi when he asked if Eren wanted to skip their run and do breakfast the next morning instead. He accepted and when Levi smiled Eren recognized the emotion in it, the same one that he was sure was on his own face: relief.

It took Eren almost a week to realize that there had been almost no change to their routine. They still ran together most mornings, got lunch together or went on leisurely afternoon walks. The only real difference was that they allowed one another into their personal space, let knees touch under the table at lunch, pressing close as they walked along the beach in order to stave off the cool breeze whipping off the ocean. When Eren spent a day hanging out with his friends he had sent Levi multiple photos and a short video of himself and Sasha’s massive German Shepherd. In return he had received one singular photo of an uncomfortable-looking Levi in front of what looked like an aquarium filled only with a couple of crabs and rocks. Eren had been surprised when he’d received the photo, not having expected anything in return, and certainly not expecting Levi to take an endearingly awkward selfie with a near-empty aquarium.

 

A few days later Levi invited Eren to have lunch with himself and Hanji resulting in Eren’s discovery that the aquarium was Hanji’s and that it was actually a replica of the local coastal ecosystem. On closer inspection he realized that there was a school of minnows that hadn’t been visible in Levi’s photo.

Eren didn’t realize how intently he had been staring at the aquarium until he heard someone come up behind him. He had expected Levi to be the one standing there as he turned around, instead he found Hanji watching him with a sort of critical interest he imagined they generally applied to the fish in the aquarium. The both of them stared at one another for a few minutes, Eren steadily becoming more and more uncomfortable at the intensity with which Hanji appeared to be studying him. He felt no small amount of relief when he heard Levi call out that he was done getting lunch set up.

Lunch ended up having a far more amicable atmosphere, the lush green of the foliage surrounding the patio creating a calm backdrop. That the conversation could be easily derailed by nudging Hanji to talk about their work ended up being useful as the meal progressed. Eren had already used it once to dodge talking about college and Levi had used it to send Hanji off on a breathtakingly tangential lecture on the history of lobstering in New England rather than have them probe too deeply about Eren’s family. He shot Levi an appreciative look as Hanji talked about lobster having originally been prison food and Eren found himself actually drawn in, fascinated by the mini-lecture as it moved from the history of lobster consumption into fishery preservation and something about the renaming of the Patagonian Toothfish.

Eren never quite settled in to being fully comfortable in Hanji's presence. Levi could only do so much to defray their singular focus on him and Eren felt himself becoming more and more exhausted as lunch went on, extremely grateful when Levi finally interrupted, clearing his throat and asking Eren what time he needed to pick up Armin. From the amused look on Levi's face he knew his expression of relief hadn't been particularly subtle. He was gathering up his things in the living room when Hanji cornered him again while Levi was piling up their plates and silverware next to the sink for washing. They looked at him appraisingly, as though they were trying to puzzle something out for themselves. When their lips parted to speak Eren expected to be met with another barrage of questions and not the quiet and serious words that followed.

"I've known every single person Levi has had some sort of a relationship with prior to him getting involved with them.” Hanji paused and gave Eren a searching look. “And I know nothing about you.”

Eren stayed silent as Hanji watched him, uncertain as to how he should react. He shifted uncomfortably under their gaze, feeling as though he were a specimen under observation. Hanji's brow furrowed deeply before smoothing out and softening.

"What I do know is that Levi is a good judge of character and you seem like a decent person. But you're also less than half his age. You're both clearly happy but..." Hanji stopped, pursing their lips and slowly picking their next words. "He's had a rough time and you're young. You work well together but I also think you could hurt each other badly."

"Weren't you the one who said we should be friends?" Eren grimaced as the words came out harsher than he had intended.

"And now you're something a bit more." Hanji raised an eyebrow, daring him to counter and deny.

"I really like him." It was barely a whisper as Eren eyes darted away to look at a photograph on the wall.

"I know. All I'm saying is that you're young and being involved with someone older could really mess you up. And Levi's been through a lot recently; he's not in the best place."

“Yeah. He told me about his mom and uncle.” Hanji’s lips parted slightly in surprise before coming back together, an unfathomable look on their face.

“Maybe I’m a little less worried.”

Hanji disappeared as Levi entered the living room, quietly retreating upstairs. Picking up his backpack, Eren walked towards Levi who continued to stand at the doorway leading to the small foyer. There was a fond look on Levi’s face as he approached and yet he couldn’t rid himself of his furrowed brow.

“You okay?” Eren couldn’t find the words to answer Levi’s question, simply shrugging in response. “Did Hanji say something?”

“Sort of, yeah.”

“Can I ask what they said?”

“That we might hurt each other. That I’m young and this might mess me up. That you’ve been through a lot recently and aren’t in the best place.” By the time he finished he was no longer looking up at Levi but down at his feet.

“Hanji isn’t wrong.” He reached out to lace his fingers with Eren’s. “But I'm not some fragile tea cup so really, don’t worry about me. If there’s anything that makes you uncomfortable though, please tell me. Okay?”

“Okay.”

“You should go pick up your friend.”

“Trying to get rid of me?” Eren smiled as Levi raised an eyebrow. He let go of Levi’s hand and turned to open the door.

“I’m _trying_ to make sure you aren’t a bad friend.”

“I’m going, I’m going.” Eren paused with the door half open and his foot on the doorstep, turning back around to face Levi. “Do you want to do something different tomorrow? Instead of running?”

“What were you thinking of doing?”

“Going on a whale watch. I haven’t been on one in ages and I kind of want to go. We could go in the morning and then have lunch in Provincetown.”

“We should check the weather beforehand.”

“Already did. It’s supposed to be gorgeous and sunny.”

“What time?” Eren beamed as Levi gave in.

“Well, the tour leaves at 9.30am and it’s about half an hour there so I could pick you up around eight and we can grab something to eat in town.”

“That’s fine. We have to skip lunch though, I have work at 1pm.”

“Oh.” Eren looked crestfallen but rallied quickly. “That’s fine, it’s not like don’t see each other almost every day.”

“Just go pick up your friend.” Levi snorted as Eren saluted and did a quick about face to walk down the steps, following the front path out to his car. He leaned against the door frame as he watched Eren go, returning Eren’s wave as he opened the car door and got in.

“You know, for all that I’m worried, I do have to admit you’re both kind of adorable.” Levi groaned and closed the door, turning to face Hanji. “And before you ask; no, I wasn’t eavesdropping. All I saw was you blushing and waving back to him.”

“I was not –”

“Just because your skin actually looks _healthy_ now doesn’t mean you aren’t still a bit pale. You blushed.” Hanji sighed deeply as Levi pushed past them, an annoyed look on his face as he headed upstairs, his footsteps heavy and petulant.

 

**

It was a few minutes before eight when Eren pulled up in front of Hanji’s house. A weird sense of déjà vu came over him; he had picked Levi up numerous times in the past few weeks and yet it was now that he was reminded of the night that they had gone to the drive-in. He pushed the thought aside as he texted Levi and waited for him to come outside. When the door finally opened and Levi started down the path Eren couldn’t help but smile at the disgruntled look on Levi’s face as he approached the car and got in.

“Wake up on the wrong side of the bed?”

“That would imply I actually slept.”

“Oh.” Eren dropped his hands from the keys in the ignition, turning to face Levi rather than turn the car on. “We can go another day if you want.”

“I don’t usually sleep much anyway. It's just that I’ve been sleeping a lot better recently so it’s more of a system shock than anything.”

“You sure you’re okay?”

“I’m fine.”

“You’re _really_ sure?”

“ _Yes,_ I’m really sure.” Levi gave an exasperated sigh at Eren’s concerned look. “I’m tired, not dead.”

“Well as long as you’re –” Eren laughed as Levi glared at him. “Okay, okay we’re going.”

The half hour drive was quiet, Eren glancing over at Levi every few minutes to see if he'd fallen asleep or not. And while Levi remained silent he did not sleep, simply staring placidly out the window as the scenery went by.

 

Provincetown was already starting to shake off its dew-covered sleep when they arrived. People walked around trying to carry multiple coffee cups and bags of pastries from cafés. The both of them headed towards the wharf to buy tickets before getting breakfast, Eren shoving his credit card across the counter before Levi could make a move. He ignored the sour look on Levi’s face, focusing on signing the receipt with perfect penmanship before pushing it back across the counter and grabbing their tickets. Levi walked beside him as they headed down the street, looking for a place to grab a quick breakfast, his hands jammed deeply into the pockets of his jacket and a deeply annoyed look on his face. When they ordered their coffee and a couple of croissants from a bakery Eren let Levi pay, hanging back and feeling guilty and frustrated. The atmosphere that settled around them as they walked back towards the wharf was oddly charged with Eren unable to figure out what to do to resolve it and unwilling to be the first person to speak. In the end it was Levi who broke their silence.

“Do you always have to pay for everything? It’s not exactly like you’re paying for my company anymore.” Levi was frowning deeply as Eren turned towards him, a challenging look on his face.

“Just because you’re older than me doesn’t mean you have to pay for everything. I know it’s ‘normal’ but it’s just some bullshit expectation.”

“This isn’t me being _prideful_ , Eren. This is me being uncomfortable with you paying for everything.” Levi’s face contorted in frustration for a moment before relaxing. “I know _why_ you feel like you should be the one paying but I don’t like feeling like a charity case and you picking up the tab on some tickets or buying up my hours just to cancel isn’t going to change the fact that I needed a scholarship to afford to go to a state university.”

“I just…” Eren bit his lip and stared out at the water, unable to call up the words. He swallowed uncomfortably as something twisted in his abdomen, squinting against the glare on the water. There was a tight feeling in his body as he stood looking out at the ocean feeling lost and uncertain. As he stared out he felt a hand slip into his own, his body relaxing slightly at Levi’s touch.

“I know these aren’t things you’ve had to think about until recently.” Eren turned to find Levi facing him, chin tilted up slightly so that he could watch his face. “I’m not poor, it’s just that compared to you I have to watch how much I spend. I can still afford to buy more than two cups of coffee and some croissants in one day though.”

“You shouldn’t have to spend your money when I’m totally able to pay for the both of us. I know that you can afford to buy whale watch tickets or lunch but paying doesn’t _matter_ to me. I just want to have fun and not have it be a burden on you.”

“It’s not like paying ninety-something dollars for two tickets is a drop in the bucket for me but it’s also not like you’re asking me to buy a Learjet.” He paused and the ghost of a smile played across his face as he looked at Eren. “Please don’t tell me you have a Learjet.”

“No.” Eren’s face scrunched up in a pained look. “But I have been on one.”

“You…” Levi let out an exasperated sigh, the tension draining from him and changing to incredulous amusement. “You've been on a Learjet and I can count the number trips I've taken requiring flights on one hand."

"Sorry." Eren shifted uncomfortably, not meeting Levi's eyes.

"Hey." Levi reached out with his free hand to tap Eren on the cheek, trying to get Eren to look at him again. His voice was gentle as he spoke. "It's not your fault personally. But it is something you should be aware of. You grew up privileged and with more advantages than I can think of. You paying for everything doesn't 'even things out' it just makes me feel like I owe you."

"You _don't_ owe me though." The earnest look on Eren's face had Levi letting out a long sigh.

"I know you don't mean for me to owe you anything, but it doesn't stop me from feeling like I do." Levi gave him a searching look. "Okay?"

"Yeah." Eren ducked his head away slightly, Levi dropping his hand away from his cheek. "I don't want you to feel like you owe me and I don't want to feel like I'm burdening you. How do we work that out?"

"We go Dutch."

"Huh?"

"We pay for ourselves separately." Levi paused, the corner of his mouth quirking up. "Unless you want to buy me a Learjet. That's all you."

"I don't have _that_ kind of money."

"So how'd you end up in a Learjet before?" Levi tugged lightly at Eren's hand, leading him towards the launch slip at the wharf.

"My dad's golf partner works directly with the head of the hospital they both work at and –" Eren cut himself off and grimaced. "I'd never heard anyone actually refer to people as 'the help' before I met him."

"Seriously?"

"It was probably the most uncomfortable six hours of my life. It's a good thing nobody really thinks it's weird for a sixteen year-old to be surly and put headphones on and ignore everyone."

They both fell silent as they walked towards the boat. Their hands parted as they got closer, Eren feeling the loss somewhat acutely after their earlier argument. He glanced over at Levi as they queued up to board, the quiet smile he received smoothing out some of his worry.

The horn was painfully loud as they pushed off, the both of them flinching slightly at the noise. Eren recovered quickly, laughing at Levi’s pained expression. There was nothing Levi could do to keep the fond look off his face at Eren’s smile, opting instead to turn away slightly and watching out of the corner of his eye as Eren’s smile grew just a little wider. His smile turned to a frown though as Eren’s hand reached out. Levi motioned with his chin to the woman walking their way with a toddler and drew his hand back.

“I don’t care.” Eren’s voice was subdued as they watched the wharf recede.

“ _You_ aren’t thirty-nine.” Levi’s eyes darted from Eren’s face back out to the water. “Don’t tell me you’ve never side-eyed a man for having a much younger partner. I’m sure you know at least one man with a trophy wife.”

“This is different.”

“How?”

“You aren’t taking advantage of me.”

“And everybody on this boat knows that?” A frown tugged at Levi’s face. “And who’s to say I’m not?”

“Me. _I’m_ saying you’re not.”

“No offense but if I’m taking advantage of you I doubt you’d realize it; you’re young.”

“You don’t want me paying for everything and you’re the one who keeps second-guessing this. You tried to put distance between us _because_ you care.” Eren’s voice was soft as he looked down over the railing at the churning wake coming off the boat. “You’ve been so careful to try and not take advantage of me. Moreso than people I’ve dated who were my age.”

“That's not –”

“Harold and Maude is considered a classic.”

“What the heck is Harold and Maude?” Levi turned to Eren, puzzled by the non sequitur.

“It’s a movie about an older woman and a younger man. Maude is even older than you actually. Though in fairness, Harold is also a few years older than me.”

“I’m not sure how that’s supposed to make me feel any better.”

“People think it’s a good movie.”

“You do realize with an older woman and a younger man there’s a lot of gender dynamics and inversions tied up in that, right?” Eren shot Levi an annoyed look.

“Do you want this?” There was a searching look on Eren’s face as he turned to Levi. “Or are you just humoring me?”

“I…” Levi stopped and ran a hand through his hair, a frustrated look on his face. “I want this but I also want you to be a few years older so I can stop questioning myself every five minutes. I’d like to enjoy your smile without feeling like a lecherous old man.”

They both fell silent at Levi’s blunt admission, staring out at the water as more people gathered out on the deck and one of the guides began to talk about the different species of whales. Eren tried to focus on the guide’s voice as they stood just far away enough that he had to strain slightly to listen. Part of him wanted to ignore Levi, but he was unable to given their proximity and was especially unable to ignore him when he leaned his forehead against his shoulder. The contact was surprising given Levi’s earlier reluctance to show any sort of physical affection in public and Eren felt his heart skip a beat.

“I’m sorry.” The words were practically mumbled into Eren’s shoulder. “I know you’re not a child but it doesn’t change the fact that at least once a day I have a small crisis over the fact that I have students your age.”

“That’s…” Eren trailed off and looked down at Levi as he drew away. “That can’t be easy.”

“It’s kind of funny actually. My students are generally between sixteen and nineteen and as much as much as I worry, I also know that eighteen year olds can be mature. And I think of myself when I was eighteen and…” Levi trailed off and frowned, his brow furrowing as he continued. “I was a mixed bag. An adult in some ways and a child in others. It’s normal.”

“Where do I fall on that?”

“You’re a child because you don’t consider why this relationship is so odd or problematic, but you’re also a self-sufficient adult and far more worldly than I was at your age.” Levi’s gaze roamed across Eren’s face. “You’re naïve but it’s not because you aren’t mature, it’s because you’re wealthy. There are things you don’t understand and maybe you never will. There are also things you know at eighteen that I didn’t figure out until I was in my mid-twenties.”

“So I’m a mixed bag too?”

“Leaning more towards adult. If only for my own sanity’s sake.” Eren snorted softly and looked away towards where the guide was showing off a piece of baleen, a faint smile on his face. They both stood together leaning on the deck rail, watching the guide and the people gathered around them, enjoying the sea breeze as they moved further out into the ocean.

Eventually the open water gave way to the silhouetted tails of playful giants splashing among the white caps. They watched as one of behemoths breached the water, its bulk graceless and yet majestic above the water. It hovered for a second with its body defying gravity, a creature of myth ready to take flight only to fall back into the mundane clutches of physics. There was a peace in it, watching the whales as they leaned over the rail of the boat and the guide talked about pod dynamics and families. The words washed over Eren and he felt himself drawn away, even Levi's presence beside him fading as he thought about his own family; his father's quiet and stoic support, Asahi's warmth, Mikasa's fierce loyalty... his own mother, faded save for a kind smile and a soft face haloed in white light.

 

They were on the way back now, a gray line on the horizon indicating that they were approaching land. The wind whipped through their hair and Levi shivered slightly, giving Eren a pointed look as he tried to wrap an arm around him to shelter him from some of the wind and to warm him up. Sighing, Eren leaned back away from Levi, resting his arms on the rail and leaning on it as he looked out at the water. Silent moments passed them by as they stared out at the approaching land, a thoughtful look on Eren's face. He opened his mouth and hesitated for a moment, taking in a short breath before speaking.

"How did you end up out on the Cape? I mean, I know Hanji lives here year round, but why here specifically?"

"After my mom and my uncle..." He hesitated, not completing the sentence before continuing.  
"They thought it would do me some good to be around people."

"No other friends?"

"Mike and Erwin live in Boston. Hanji's right, I do need to be around people but not _that_ many people."

"How did you meet?" Eren watched Levi with curiosity, awaiting his response.

"College. Hanji and I were older-than-average freshman, Mike and Erwin were first year masters students."

"You didn't stay in touch with anyone from before college?" He watched as Levi frowned.

"Farlan and Isabel were my best friends in high school – they're married with three kids now. We still keep in touch via Facebook and I see them around Easter when they visit Farlan’s family in Fall River but..." Levi shrugged. "We kind of grew apart when I started college. Isabel moved to Philly to take care of her great aunt and Farlan went with her, I stayed in Massachusetts to finish college."

"That's sad."

"People change and follow different paths, it's just how things are. God forbid you're the same person in your twenties as you were in high school. I mean, look at you and your friends. How much have you changed over the course of high school? Do you really think you're going to stop changing when you go to _college_?" Levi's face softened as he looked over at Eren, the latter staring at his feet, scuffing them across the gritty deck. "I'm not saying it's a bad thing. People grow and change in ways you don't always anticipate."

"So what then, Armin and I won't always be friends?" Eren glanced up at him angrily before looking down again, brow furrowed as he continued to scuff his feet.

"Who knows? You can't see into the future. Do you think that him and your other friend – what's his name, Jean? – are going to grow old together?"

"I don't know." It came out a whisper as Eren continued to stare determinedly at the ground.

"My point is that you never know what's going to happen in the future. You shouldn't hold onto something just because it's always been there." Levi paused and frowned deeply. "And don't follow someone because you _think_ they're the one _._ You could meet that one person at nineteen or ninety-two. Or you might not meet anyone like that at all."

"Would kind of suck if you meet them right before you die."

"Life isn't always fair."

 

Eventually they both moved away from the rail, going into the boat's interior and sitting together quietly. They barely spoke for the rest of the way back, even returning to Eren's car in relative silence and driving back to Hanji's. A quiet good bye was exchanged and Levi was halfway out of the car when Eren finally spoke up.

"Maybe it's because I'm young and stupid, but I don't think me and Armin are ever going to _not_ be friends. Yeah we're going to change but I'm not going to write off our friendship _because_ we're going to change." He stared resolutely at Levi, a quiet determination and defiance on his face. Levi's cadence was hesitant when he responded, picking out each word carefully.

"I'm not saying that you _will_ grow apart. I'm saying that you're going to change and maybe the people you become won't be compatible. You shouldn't hold onto people because you're close with them now, you could end up limiting yourself and resenting them." Levi's brow furrowed, deep creases settling in. "Don't stick around people because you like them now, you might end up regretting it later."

"Have you done that? Held onto someone and regretted it?"

"No, but I've seen it happen. If anything, I've done the opposite." Levi dropped his head and looked down at his hands, now folded in his lap. "I let _people_ go but not the memories."

"And you regret it?"

"I try not to."

"So you're telling me not to regret things even though you do."

"You'll always have regrets. I'm telling you to do what you think you'll regret least."


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh look, a final chapter count!
> 
> Also: Posting early because I just can't edit this anymore even though I know it should be. Oh well.

Hanji had been making exasperated noises at Levi all day, especially after they found him going through his clothing with a mildly panicked look on his face.

“It’s just dinner.”

“But it’s a nice dinner.”

“The Wicked Oyster isn’t fancy. Wear slacks and a nice sweater. You’ll be fine.”

“I don’t want to look too old.” Hanji raised an eyebrow and Levi glared at them. “This isn’t vanity, this is me being worried about being almost forty and going to dinner with someone twenty years younger than me.”

“You look a decent bit younger than you actually are. People will probably assume you’re his cousin or something.”

“Because that isn’t creepy at all.” Levi paused and grimaced. “Besides, do you really think it won’t be obvious we’re a bit closer than relatives?”

“Fair.”

“They’re probably going to think I’m his… I don’t know, his sugar daddy or something.”

“And then Eren pays with his black card. Problem solved.”

“Hanji, this isn’t funny.”

“I know it’s not. Sorry.” Hanji let out a long sigh. “I’m just trying to get you to lighten up. If you’re so worried why did you agree to go out for dinner with Eren?”

“It sounded like a good idea at the time.”

“Talk to him about it.”

“He really wants to go.”

“If you aren’t comfortable with it and you don’t want to go you shouldn’t feel obligated just because he wants to.” Hanji frowned as Levi’s face pinched up.

“The issue is that I _do_ want to, I just don’t want to deal with people staring and judging.” He let out a long groan. “I keep imagining some little old lady coming over to our table and telling me off for corrupting America’s youth.”

“Imagining getting attacked with a purse?”

“The old crone of my nightmares looks like Queen Elizabeth with blue rinse hair.” Hanji let out a snort of laughter and Levi ran a hand through his hair, shaking his head and letting out a long breath. “I suppose I could just ask that they seat us somewhere off to the side.”

“No offense but that makes it sound worse.”

“I know.” Levi winced and then relaxed. “Screw it. Whatever happens, happens.”

“You sure?” Hanji was giving him a slightly skeptical look.

“It’s not that I want to have people staring at us all night but it’s really stupid for someone my age to be obsessing with what other people think.”

“No backing out last minute.”

“I won’t.”

“So who’s driving?”

“I am.”

“Well, there’s no mistaking you for his sugar daddy if you’re showing up in a seven year old Corolla.”

“At least it has all of its hubcaps.” Hanji made an indignant noise at Levi.

“Frederick was a noble steed who got me through my undergrad _and_ graduate degrees.” They smirked at him. “Besides, I don’t remember you complaining about my car only having three hubcaps when I was driving your sorry ass around in the winter.”

 

As Levi backed out of Hanji's driveway it suddenly hit him that this would be the first time that he would be driving, that up until now Eren had always been the one to drive. He stopped and glanced around the interior of the car; while clearly older and certainly not as nice as Eren’s car, he had kept it clean and in good condition. Still, it caused him to frown slightly. It wasn't that he thought Eren would judge him on the basis of having an older car, what he dreaded was that Eren would look at his car and his impulse to "help" Levi financially would be reignited. But no, Levi stopped himself from following that train of thought. They had talked and he would put faith in Eren, faith that he had understood him when he'd explained what it felt like to have him pay for everything. That Eren had put up no fight when Levi said he would be paying for dinner had been heartening and – Levi felt – a step in the right direction.

 

In the end Eren made no comment on Levi's car, not even giving it a second glance as he walked down the path to the road. He simply settled into the passenger seat and leaned back, an amused smile pulling at his mouth as he turned his head to face Levi.

"I figured your car would be clean, but I didn't think it would be _this_ clean."

"Well unlike some people I don't get into my car covered in wet sand."

"Are you saying my car is dirty?"

"I'm saying you should at least vacuum out some of the sand." The corner of Levi’s mouth twitched as he turned and started the car. Eren watched Levi as he drove, his eyes focused on the road and a slight frown tugging at his mouth.

At this point he didn't even have to wonder what might be causing Levi to frown and even _he_ was feeling more than a little bit of nervousness bubbling up. In retrospect, Eren realized that dinner might not have been the best idea, or at least not the best idea at this moment. For all that he wanted to be able to go out on a date – even thinking the word made his face warm – he was suddenly _very_ aware of what he imagined Levi felt on a regular basis. And while Levi didn't look like he was out of his early-thirties and Eren had been able to pass for being in his early-twenties for at least a year, the gap was readily visible. He glanced over at Levi again feeling more uncertain than he had in weeks. It had been easier when there weren’t many other people in the equation, when the most involved other people were in their plans was running on the same trail or happening to be at the same beach. This on the other hand, was them consciously choosing to be in a public place, in a situation that made it very clear that they were involved with each other in a not-entirely-platonic way. Eren turned and focused on the tree tops as they sped by, startling slightly when he felt a gentle tap on his forearm and turning to face Levi as he withdrew his hand.

“You okay?”

“This is what it’s like for you all the time isn’t it?” Levi glanced away from the road to look at Eren for a moment, a confused expression on his face. “Being aware of our ages.”

“So it finally sunk in?” Levi’s tone was neutral.

“Yeah. We’re going to stick out, aren’t we?”

“A little.” His eyes flicked back to Eren for a moment, taking in his frown and furrowed brow. “We don’t have to go if you don’t want to.”

“I’m the one who suggested it.” Eren ducked his head and mumbled. “Kind of a stupid idea I guess.”

“Not one of the most well-thought-out, no. But not a bad one.” Levi’s mild tone had Eren’s brow furrowing deeper.

“When did you get so nonchalant about this?”

“I had my own crisis earlier in the day. I’m committed to having an enjoyable evening.”

“Well, if everyone ends up staring at us and making comments at least it’ll be memorable.”

“Let’s aim for enjoyable though.”

“So you’re okay with this?”

“Going out to dinner?”

“Yeah.”

“I think you were right that it would be a nice change.” He gave Eren a tiny smile. “Besides, Hanji says their scallops are really good.”

“Well as long as we’re going for the scallops…” A smile softened Eren’s sarcasm.

 

Eren wasn’t entirely sure how to feel when the hostess at the restaurant seated them at a table tucked away in a corner. A part of him felt relieved that they were going to be afforded some amount of privacy and wouldn’t be the center of attention, but at the same time it bothered him that anyone felt that their relationship needed to be hidden away. He felt Levi’s fingers brush the back of his hand as they sat down and he focused on letting the tension ease out of his body.

Dinner was quiet, neither of them speaking at any great length, not out of discomfort but out of a sense of calm. Their silences were comfortable now, neither of them feeling a need to fill in the lulls and gaps when there wasn’t anything to be said. For all of their concerns leading up to dinner nothing ever came to pass, the most that happened the entire evening was a middle-aged man frowning at them as his family was seated, ultimately sitting so that his back was to them. When the check finally came Levi could see the offer to pay on the tip of Eren’s tongue, an offer that he didn’t voice and made a clear effort to tamp down.

The drive back was quiet, even the major roads covered in darkness. With the windows down and the wind in their hair they made their way back to Eren’s house, the churring of crickets pressing in as they drove down the quieter residential streets. Finally they pulled up in front of the house, the single light over the front door radiating out and fading, the edges of light soft and fuzzy as it faded into the dark. Levi stopped the car and they sat for a moment, the night sounds swelling around them.

“I really enjoyed myself.” Levi turned to Eren, smiling. “Thank you for inviting me.”

“Yeah, I enjoyed myself too.” Eren paused for a moment, when he spoke again he tried for a nonchalant tone. “So do you want to come in for a cup of tea or…?” He let his words trail off and looked away, focusing on a point beyond the windshield as a gentle flush settled on his cheeks.

“Eren…” Levi’s tone was chiding but gentle.

“Hey, it was worth a shot.” A rueful smile came across him as he continued to watch outside, his face partially obscured. “It’s fine though, it bothered me a little at first but now…” Eren shrugged. “Would it be nice? Sure, but I like just being with you. Sex is kind of beside the point.”

Levi watched Eren’s profile, his earlier smile had softened and though he still wasn’t looking at Levi the awkwardness had passed. He leaned towards Eren and reached his hand out, touching Eren’s cheek lightly and guiding him to turn and face him again. The smile on Eren’s face was almost shy and Levi could feel a smile of his own forming as he slid his fingers back to the nape of Eren’s neck and pulled him forward gently, their eyes fluttering closed as they moved closer and their lips met. It was a soft kiss, dry lips fitting together for a moment before they broke apart, eyes remaining closed as they touched their foreheads together. They stayed that way for a while, minutes ticking by as they breathed each other in, Levi’s hand still at the nape of Eren’s neck and Eren resting his palm on Levi’s hip.

Eventually they pulled apart, their smiles mirroring each other as Eren said a quiet good night and walked up the path to the front door, Levi waiting until he was inside before driving off again.

 

**

Levi had snorted when Eren invited him over, his delivery hesitant as he suggested that they go boating together the next afternoon. There was some amount of dread on Levi's mind as he drove, cognizant of the fact that Eren's idea of "boating" was unlikely to be in the same class as the swan boat tours at the Boston Common – and even that had felt a bit too picaresque and bourgeois for his taste. He could easily remember eating breakfast at PB with Eren and his friends and recalled his friend Jean mentioning having to get his own family’s boat out of dry dock. And while Levi wasn’t particularly familiar with boats he could easily come to the logical conclusion that he hadn’t been talking about something as small as a rowboat or a canoe. There was also the knowledge that Eren’s family was even more well-off than his friends and Levi couldn’t help but wonder what “boating” meant to him.

 

Eren had told him to park in the driveway rather than on the narrow street and to simply come around the back. As he crested the small hill next to the garage Levi was able to see the back deck of the house, Eren sitting back in a chair with his eyes closed, shirtless and soaking in the sun. He startled slightly as Levi cleared his throat, a slight flush on his face as he grabbed his shirt and pulled it over his head.

“Hey.” Eren paused and took in Levi’s appearance for a moment. “You aren’t wearing swim trunks.”

“Should I have?”

“Well, we’re going boating so unless you have a change of clothes in your car…”

“I don’t.”

“You can borrow a pair of mine. I think we’re about the same waist size but they’ll probably be a bit long on you.” Eren took a few steps towards the house and turned back, gesturing for Levi to follow him inside. “I just did some laundry so they’re all clean.”

Levi followed Eren into the house and through the kitchen, Eren opening a door that lead them into the garage, a washer and dryer immediately to the side. He stayed at the door as Eren reached into the dryer, sifting through the laundry to find a pair of swim trunks buried in the t-shirts and towels. After a moment he straightened up, offering him the article of clothing and a pair of towels.

“So we can dry off if we need to and not track water into the house.” Moving back into the kitchen Eren took the towels and pointed Levi towards a bathroom so that he could change.

The swim trunks fit better than he had expected though they were indeed longer than his own. He left his tank top on and folded up the rest of his clothing, leaving them in the bathroom for when they returned.

 

Outside, Eren was already down near the water, his figure silhouetted by the sunlight reflecting off the ocean as he stood out on the small dock leading off the shore. Levi stood still for a moment, standing on the deck and watching as Eren stepped off the dock and onto a small sailboat, his movements were firm and certain and Levi couldn’t help but watch in fascination as he walked closer.

The wood of the dock felt almost scalding after the cool dirt and scrub grass of the yard. Eren’s smile as he approached was almost as brilliant as the water and he could feel something within him lifting, a weight somehow taken off of him. His steps were less certain as he stepped into the boat, the unsteady rock and sway nearly causing him to lose his footing completely as he stood with one foot in the boat and the other still on the dock. He ignored the hand that Eren offered and cautiously moved the other leg into the boat, crouching with palms pressed flat against the deck for stability. When he finally sat down the boat tipped somewhat precariously to one side, he could only imagine what sort of look must have come across him given Eren’s laughter.

“Come on, it’s not that bad.”

“The smallest boat I’ve been on was one of those swan boats at the Boston Common.” Levi’s hands clenched against the boat as Eren leaned over, undoing the rope tethering them to the dock and pushing off. “Oh wait, there was the time Hanji insisted we go canoeing at Walden Pond and somehow we ended up capsizing.”

“How did you capsize a _canoe_?” Eren paused for a moment, an incredulous look on his face before shaking his head and beginning to raise the sail, his movements fluid and familiar.

“Ask Hanji. All I know is that one minute they were pointing out a bird and the next thing I knew we were in the water.”

They bobbed and floated, the dock slowly receding as the sail picked up the wind and carried them along. Eren quietly nudging Levi into a better position so as to maintain the boat’s stability. The breeze that carried them along offered a cooling respite to the heat of the sun and as Levi became more comfortable with the sway of the boat he leaned back slightly, closing his eyes and enjoying the warmth.

“Ah, Levi you’re going to need to duck for a minute.” His eyes opened as Eren spoke, brow furrowed in confusion. “I’m going to be turning and the boom is going to swing out towards you.”

“Right.” Levi ducked down as Eren turned the tiller and the sail swung towards him, the boat leaning precariously as he did so.

“Next time that happens, lean into the boat, not out.”

“Got it.”

Levi was forced to duck a couple more times as they moved further out into the bay, staying in view of the shore and tacking against the wind. While the breeze was cool, the sun was beginning to become uncomfortably hot on their skin. After a little while longer Eren reached for the sail, Levi holding it steady and trying not to look too uncomfortably as Eren stood and lowered the sail before dropping their anchor.

“I figure we can swim a little before eating.”

“Eating?”

“What did you think the cooler in the cockpit was for?”

“Giving us an even smaller amount of leg room?” Eren smiled at Levi’s deadpan expression.

“I brought sandwiches and some water. I figure we can cool off a bit first and then eat and dry out.”

“And how do I get off the boat?” Levi was eyeing the water, his mouth set and jaw stiff.

“Keep your center of gravity low. You go first and I can act like a ballast.”

“Sure, because I know what that means.”

“I’ll keep the boat from rocking as much.”

“Thanks.”

Eren glanced away as Levi took off his shirt and left it in the boat, leaning away from Levi as he slipped off the boat awkwardly and into the water. A moment later he took off his own shirt and followed Levi much more gracefully into the water. The both of them shivered slightly, the chill of the bay contrasting sharply with the sun’s heat from only seconds before. Eren floated and watched as Levi tread water, keeping somewhat closer to the boat.

“You’re going to get tired if you keep that up.”

“I don’t float, I sink.”

“It’s not that difficult, you just keep your breathing even and try to keep your hips up.”

“I’m not really much of a swimmer.” Levi paused thoughtfully. “Actually I’m not really much of a _water_ person.”

“Shit, I’m sorry. I should have asked.”

“It’s not your fault.” Levi stopped treading water and tried to float again, adjusting frequently as his body sank.

“Your body is too stiff. You need to loosen up.” Eren allowed his own body to sink so that he was treading water and moved towards Levi. “I probably should have brought a life vest or two…”

“Like I said, not your fault. We’ve been to the beach and I never said anything then.” He turned his head slightly to watch Eren as he swam closer until they were next to each other, Levi allowing his body to sink again.

“If you try to float again I think I know why you’re sinking.”

“Okay.” Eren watched as Levi tried to position his body, observing him for a moment before speaking.

“Tip your head back a bit more.” He watched as Levi adjusted himself, his hair fully submerged but his face clear of the water. “Okay… is it alright if I touch you?”

“Go for it.” Levi seemed unperturbed by the request, putting Eren more at ease.

Eren continued to tread water with one arm to stabilize himself as he stilled the other and reached out to Levi, moving it under him and laying his hand on the bare skin of his back. The touch was intimate as he moved his hand towards the base of his spine, Levi’s skin warm against his palm, contrasting with the chill of the water. He pushed upwards lightly at the small of Levi’s back, forcing him to arch slightly and push his hips and abdomen upwards and out of the water. After a moment Eren withdrew his hand and moved back, continuing to tread water.

“Now just relax your body a bit more and breathe evenly and you’ve pretty much got it.”

He watched as Levi’s body slackened and he allowed the water to cradle him, a smile crept across Eren’s face as he watched Levi, his eyes closed and expression peaceful, his body at ease. A long moment passed before Levi’s eyes opened and he turned towards Eren, a quiet Ssmile on his face.

 

The light was soft and the sun hung low over the bay when they finally returned to the dock, the both of them taking the mast down and moving everything into the yard, Levi hosing down the hull while Eren fully dismantled the mast and packed up the sail before moving everything into a shed off to the side of the yard. He paused before exiting, noticing another small boat of the same type in the shed as well, fully dismantled and clearly unused for a while.

“Oh, that’s Mikasa’s – my sister’s – boat. We used to race when we were younger. She always beat me.” Eren paused and smiled. “We both got bored with it after a while so we’d just take out one with Armin sitting on the bow to balance it.”

“That… doesn’t sound safe.”

“Yeah uh, we got a couple of citations for being over capacity.” Eren gave Levi a sheepish look. “We stopped when Jean’s parents got a little dinghy that seated four.” He grabbed the latch on the door to pull it closed, pausing for a moment and looking back into the shed. “Actually, I don’t remember the last time I took either of the Sunfish out.”

“Sunfish?”

“The type of boat.” Eren closed up the shed and they started back towards the house, a shiver running through Eren as the weather began to cool.

They dried their legs off before entering the kitchen, the firmness of the cool tile somewhat disorienting after having been out on the bay all afternoon. Eren ducked into the garage to grab clean clothes for himself and a shirt for Levi, his current one damp with sea water.

“Take the shower upstairs, I’ll use the one outside.”

“You sure?”

“The outdoors one has hot water too so it’s fine. Besides, I don’t think you want to walk barefoot on the grass after showering.”

“Yeah, no thanks.”

“It’s on the left off the upstairs hallway. Clean towels are on the shelf above the toilet – oh!” Eren stopped suddenly and turned back to face Levi. “The hot water heater is really small so we’re going to have to take short showers.

“Fine by me.”

 

The upstairs bathroom was pristine white with polished chrome and the occasional black accent piece. Levi gave everything a once over as he shed his clothing and turned the water on, waiting for it to warm up. Not finding any reason to be concerned with the cleanliness he stepped into the shower, letting out a pleased sigh as the warm water carried the salty residue from the bay off of him. He could still feel the phantom touch of Eren’s hands on his back even now, a touch that had felt so strangely intimate. Potentially more intimate than any touches between them at the drive-in. But no, he slammed the brakes on that train of thought. If there was one thing he’d like to forget ever happened, it would be that. He scrubbed at his hair vigorously, trying to block it out and focus on other things.

Eren was already dressed and rummaging around the kitchen when Levi came downstairs, setting various ingredients out on the counter as he hummed along to something soft and slow on the radio. He stayed in place, watching Eren for a moment before speaking up.

“Hey.”

“How was the shower?” Eren looked up and turned towards Levi.

“Very clean.”

“And how about _you_?”

“Also clean.”

“Want to help me make dinner?” Levi watched as Eren gestured to the vegetables sitting on the counter.

“All of that about to go bad?” They both smiled at one another, Levi ducking his head after a moment to hide his widening grin as Eren flushed.

“Actually I went to the market this morning.”

“What were you thinking of making?”

“I got some flounder and salad things.”

“Sounds good.” Levi took up the knife and cutting board from the table and brought it to the counter, beginning to slice up the cucumbers and tomatoes while Eren rinsed the fish in the sink. He paused and called out over his shoulder. “You didn’t get any mushrooms?”

“I don’t –” Eren turned around and glowered at Levi’s smirk, eventually breaking down and grinning.

 

The sun was setting by the time they sat down to eat, the light fiery and soft. It was less quiet than other meals they had shared but it was more intimate; Eren talking about his family and summers on the Cape and Levi responding in kind with stories about going to Provincetown with Farlan and Isabel. Eren slowly ceded the conversation to Levi, listening raptly to the small pieces of himself that Levi laid out before him. He doubted that he would ever meet Farlan or Isabel but in some way he felt like he knew them. Levi’s experiences were his own but parts of his stories rang true to him; the similarities between Levi in his late teens and Eren in the present were tangible in the fading embers of twilight. As their words petered off Eren set a kettle to boil and placed two mugs on the counter.

They moved out to the deck, sitting on a couch with steam swirling off their mugs of tea. Slowly and finally the shadows lengthened and gave way to blurred purple almost-light, the sky still shot with yellow and pink but the land already a palette of cool colors. As the dark crept closer and closer they moved together, shifting so that they were leaning deeply into the couch, pressing together with feet placed on a low table beside their empty mugs. As the minutes passed they leaned into each other further, their heads coming together to rest on one another and their fingers intertwining between them. Eren stared down at their hands, barely visible in the near-dark.

“Hey, Eren?”

“Mm?”

“Do you know what time it is?”

“Why?”

“I left my phone in the car and I can’t stay too late. I have to meet someone at the Lighthouse for breakfast tomorrow at eight.” Levi’s disgruntled expression was barely visible to Eren in the dark but it was clear from the tone of his voice that he wasn’t particularly happy with the situation.

“I thought you said there weren’t any more lonely old ladies you needed to keep company.”

“Guess I was wrong.”

“Hm.” Eren shifted and reached into his pocket to pull out his phone. Squinting against the light he read off the time. “Almost nine thirty.”

“I should probably leave soon then.”

“Really? It’s not that late.”

“I’m going to have to get up at seven and who knows how well I’ll sleep.”

“Please?”

“Eren, I really should get going.”

“How much to get you to stay?” Levi’s body went stiff almost immediately and Eren felt his stomach drop. “I was just –”

“That’s not fucking funny, Eren.” Levi’s tone was full of quiet anger and Eren flinched away, floundering as he tried to figure out how to respond.

“I was joking, I wasn’t serious.” Levi was already moving, brushing non-existent dirt off of his shorts as he stood. “Please, I’m sorry.” Now Eren was standing up as well, ready to –he wasn’t entirely sure what to do.

“What are you apologizing for?”

“I upset you.”

“Do you know why I’m upset?” Levi’s voice was taut and Eren opened and closed his mouth a few times before responding.

“You don’t like me paying for things.” He knew almost immediately that it wasn’t the response that Levi had been looking for based on the stiff posture of his silhouette.

“You have no clue what –” Levi cut himself off and took in a deep breath, willing himself to calm down.

“I’m sorry.” It was a whisper now, the gravity of everything settling over Eren. Even as he tried to salvage the situation he was aware that it was slipping away; unlike what had happened at the drive-in this was an irrevocable breach.

“I’m sorry too.” There was a pause as Levi tried to find the words. “I shouldn’t have… you’re young.” He grappled with what to say, making a disgruntled noise at his own inability to express himself properly. “I need to go, I’m sorry.”

Eren watched as Levi went down the few steps and walked quickly towards his car. He stood on the deck and stared at Levi’s receding back in the dark feeling helpless and lost. There was a horrible pang as though he had been punched in the gut as he listened to Levi’s car pull out of the driveway.

 

Levi’s chest was tight and his stomach gripped with nausea when he finally parked in Hanji’s driveway. He sat for a moment, taking deep breaths and trying to ignore the heaviness weighing down on him, exhaustion taking a hold over his body and making every step closer to the door feel like he his feet were made of lead. Given the look on Hanji’s face when he entered the house Levi could only assume that he looked as bad as he felt.

“What happened?”

“Nothing good.” His shoulders sagged under Hanji’s concerned look. “I just want to sleep right now. I have a client at eight.”

“Should I take off tomorrow?”

“I don’t know.”

“Just let me know. I can come home early pretty easily.”

“Thanks.” He paused and tried to give a slight smile. “Really. Thank you.”

 

Upstairs, Levi collapsed onto the bed. The tightness from earlier had been replaced by a yawning cavern, the painful emptiness opening up within his chest. He groaned as he rolled over, conscious not only of his own pain but also the state in which he had probably left Eren. His words had been careless but cutting and while Levi knew there was no intended malice it didn’t stop that dull ache. If anything it went right to the heart of it

There was a certain feeling of inevitability to all of it. It had been a somewhat fatalistic foregone conclusion in his mind that he would mess things up somehow through his own awkwardness and inability to communicate easily. And while that hadn't been the direct cause of everything blowing up in their faces he couldn't help but see Eren's face when he closed his eyes, desperate and confused as he tried to fix something when he didn't even know what he'd broken.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part of the reason I didn't post last week (besides holiday travel) was that I wanted to be absolutely certain of the final chapter count before posting this one (for obvious reasons)
> 
> [The Wicked Oyster](http://thewickedo.com/) is a really good restaurant that isn't really "fancy" but you do dress up a little. Like you get some people actually in button up shirts and ties or in nice dresses but you also get little old ladies in granny sweaters with sequins and appliqué cats.
> 
> Personally I'm not a huge fan of the [Swan Boats](http://swanboats.com/) at the Boston Common but they're kinda a nice, cheap touristy thing to do
> 
> I too would love to know how Hanji and Levi capsized a canoe at [Walden Pond](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Walden_Pond)...
> 
> So I've been on a [Sunfish sailboat](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sunfish_\(sailboat\)) a sum total of once and had to look up what it's like to sail one in a bay on ocean... It does not sound easy.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to be really busy next weekend and then with the upcoming holiday things are going to get a little messy updates-wise. In a perfect world the next chapter still goes up next Sunday and the final chapter gets posted on Christmas Day.

Eren didn't cry this time. Levi's departure had been too sudden for him to process immediately and even now, sitting in the kitchen and staring at the dishes in the sink, he only felt hollow as he tried to piece together what had happened. He stared at the large stainless steel pan in the sink, feeling the retinal burn as he watched the light reflect off of the shiny surface, the metronomic drip of the faucet hypnotic in the still silence of the kitchen.

In retrospect he knew that he shouldn't have made the joke. He knew that he had upset Levi but how strongly he had reacted still had him somewhat baffled. Levi had expressed multiple times that he was uncomfortable with Eren paying for everything but he hadn't meant what he’s said seriously and when he'd apologized he was told he wasn't apologizing for the right thing. And not knowing what the "right thing" was ate at him. He cracked his knuckles absently as his eyes unfocused and his mind wandered.

He knew that Levi didn't like him paying for things but it hadn't really been an offer to pay for anything. Shuffling through his memories Eren called up the memory of Levi being frustrated by him buying up hours only to cancel, but it didn't quite fit this situation either – he hadn't been seriously offering to pay him. His mind was stuck on that point; he could understand Levi being a little upset by the joke, but the severity of his response had been unexpected.

And it was there that his thoughts stopped, crashing into a wall that he was unable to see over and could only vaguely intuit what might be on the other side. Levi's response was a mystery just beyond his reach, his inability to grasp it frustrating him as he felt his fingertips brushing the top of that wall.

Eventually he gave up, turning off the kitchen lights and resolving to wash the dishes tomorrow as he went upstairs. In spite of the roiling pain in his heart he fell asleep almost immediately, emotional exhaustion pulling him into fitful sleep.

 

Eren woke up with sun fully risen and feeling more exhausted now than when he had gotten into bed. For a moment he felt disoriented; a state of partial remembrance where he knew something had happened and yet it didn’t immediately register. It took only a minute for everything to come back to him, and with those memories came that sick sense of having been punched in the gut and the realization that whatever had gone wrong had been his fault, even if he still couldn’t put his finger on what he had done.

It took another twenty minutes of lying in bed with his mind picking things over endlessly before he finally decided to get out of bed, driven less by hunger than by the pressure on his bladder.

Downstairs, he sat in the kitchen actively ignoring the dishes in the sink, watching his cereal bowl intently as the individual O’s slowly absorbed the milk and swelled up into tasteless mush. Eventually he gave up on trying to eat and dumped his cereal into the trash, putting the bowl in the sink with the rest of the dishes and leaving without cleaning anything. He wasn’t entirely sure where he was going when he got in his car, he just knew that he needed to be away from the two mugs sitting on the counter, one still half full of tea.

 

Driving along with the windows down, music loud and the breeze ruffling his hair, Eren began to feel a little less hollow. There was still that dull and yawning caver in his chest but there was also something sharper and more pointed. There were a lot of things he could be angry about in that moment; anger at himself for hurting Levi, anger that he couldn’t figure out what he’d even _done_ , anger at Levi for leaving without any good explanation. Any other time he would have gone to that quiet beach on the bay, but now all he could think of was the soft golden light catching on Levi’s skin and the fact that there were impossibly small freckles on his shoulders, the firm feel of Levi’s fingers between his own, that quiet look of fierce determination and caring on Levi’s face as they had watched the dunes glow in the setting sun. There was too much of Levi there for Eren to go now, not with everything having deteriorated around him.

He needed the movement of the water without any intimate memories and so he drove, cutting off of the main highway and onto a smaller road that ran along the coast, even smaller roads branching off towards individual beaches. Something drew him to Cahoon Hollow even with the Beachcomber and the memory of his first meeting with Levi. There was a certain generic quality to the Beachcomber; it would hardly stand out at in other beach community, but here it was unique. It was a small and special attraction woven into the summer’s fabric, a place that shouldn’t exist sitting atop the dunes. And so in spite of his memory he could look at it and see it as antiseptic and devoid of Levi’s presence while also holding it close and fond. It wasn’t just his own fingerprints that touched and defined this place, the beach and the restaurant were touched by many people and tucked away in many memories. There was nothing _his_ about the place.

Adding to the disconnect of memory from place was the fact that at barely nine in the morning the Beachcomber wasn’t even open yet. The only sign that it would be bustling later on was two men unloading boxes from the bed of a pickup truck and carrying them into the kitchen via a back door. He parked and walked across the parking lot, barefoot and stepping quickly across the hot sand and gravel to get to the cooler hard-packed sand ramp winding down the dunes and towards the beach.

The surf was loud here, the faint pebbled sigh at his beach on the bay side so different from the ocean’s roar and cash as it shifted rocks around, pushing stones to the shore and slowly breaking them down into sand. Sunlight glinted off the water and Eren’s shadow was cast inland, long and sharply defined in the bright morning sun. He walked with his feet in the water, toes trailing sand and surf each time he lifted a foot to step forward. His footsteps weren’t lost to the ocean so much as they never existed, eaten up beneath the swell of the waves before they had a chance to form.

 

By the time he was ready to turn back the lifeguard’s perch of the next beach was readily visible. He took a moment to watch the horizon, to let that adrenaline rush lift him as he imagined reaching out – always reaching, never arriving – and touching that hazy line between water and sky. Eren allowed himself that moment to physically reach, arms stretched out and fingertips grasping at that line.

When he began to walk back there were no footprints to follow, the only footprints trailed behind him as a record of his departure and with nothing in front of him, no hint of a trajectory.

 

**

Armin hadn’t heard from Eren in a few days and if he hadn’t been spending so much time with Jean then he probably would have noticed sooner that Eren hadn’t responded to his text from the day before asking if he wanted to get lunch that afternoon. And now he was realizing that it was the day that he had hoped Eren would be free and he hadn’t even heard from him at all.

 

Over the past two days Eren had managed to accomplish a number of things. His first accomplishment was the small mountain of dishes in the sink and the tapering foothills to the sides. His second was that he had only cried once and the third and final one – well, one he kept telling himself he would accomplish in the next ten minutes since yesterday morning – was sending a text to Levi. Every time he opened up the text thread on his phone he would get halfway through typing out a long stream of consciousness text before deciding that it sounded too juvenile or too accusatory or too pathetic. He told himself that he was delaying because he wanted to find the perfect words and not because he was scared. However, the fact that Levi hadn’t tried to contact him weighed heavily on his mind. He knew that this sort of silence following what happened between them would generally be read as a very loud and clear “fuck off” and yet… and yet he couldn’t leave it be, picking at the barely-scabbed wound and watching it bleed every time he stared at the text thread headed at the top with a single word – Levi.

He was in the process of deleting another half-composed text when the doorbell rang. Going by Armin’s expression when he finally roused himself from the couch and got the door, that he was in some sort of mourning period was obvious to others. Armin followed him into the house and breezed past him as soon as he caught a glimpse of the kitchen, raising an eyebrow at the dishes in the sink and on the counter before looking back at Eren, concern evident. There was a momentary pause before he picked up a sponge and began to dredge up a pot from the depths of the sink as he turned to Eren, his brow furrowed as he spoke.

“I’ll wash you dry?” He took Eren’s half-hearted nod in stride and allowed the rushing water and the smell of soap fill the silence, waiting for Eren to be ready to talk.

 

Eren was grateful for the massive pile of dishes and the fact that Armin was washing them at a snail’s pace, giving him the time and space to figure out what he wanted to say, to give them something to do while Eren explained what had happened. Armin listened through all of it, through Eren’s digressions and narrative branches as he tried to explain an entire part of his summer that not even Armin had been entirely privy to. He struggled to explain just _how_ he knew he had upset Levi and that he had done something wrong even if he didn’t know what that something was.

“So you know you upset him and you know what upset him but you don’t know _why_?” Armin waited for Eren’s nod in confirmation. “I mean, I think it’s obvious that he was uncomfortable with having you pay for him all the time so it would make sense that he would be upset about you offering to pay him to stay.”

“I wasn’t serious though.”

“Does _he_ know that?”

“Yeah?” Eren’s brow furrowed and he gave Armin a puzzled look.

“Is that ‘yeah’ as in ‘he totally knew I was joking’ or ‘I-think-but-I’m-not-sure-if-he-knows-I-was-joking’? Because those are pretty different.”

“He knew I wasn’t being serious.”

“You can’t absolutely –”

“He’s thirty-nine, an adult. He knew I wasn’t serious.” An angry look was beginning to creep across Eren’s face.

“Eren…” Armin let out a groan. “Just because you think he knew doesn’t mean he actually does.”

“I apologized first because I thought he didn’t know I wasn’t serious and he told me I was apologizing for the wrong thing.” Eren frowned, feeling that wall between him and his understanding of the situation rising up in front of him. His frown was matched a moment later by Armin’s own expression, frustrated puzzlement settling in.

“Well how the hell are you supposed to apologize for something if you don’t know what you did?”

“I don’t know that he wants an apology at this point. It’s been two days and I haven’t heard from him at all.”

“Maybe he was hoping you would figure it out and apologize first? That’s awful though, walking away and not telling you what upset him.”

“Or maybe I upset him so badly he doesn’t want to talk to me ever again. I guess best case scenario he needed some time to cool down and he’ll text me.”

“Two days?”

“You weren’t there. He was angry and –” Eren cut himself off and felt that same awful punch to the gut as he strung together just a little bit more. “He was sad.”

 

Those words stuck in Eren’s head on repeat even as he and Armin spread out on his bed, wrapped in blankets as they watched a documentary about ocean ecosystems in the northwestern Atlantic Ocean. All he could think about was how the documentary never mentioned lobsters or cod or the myriad small and important little species that eked out a living on the rocky coastal shores of New England. Next to him, Armin’s breathing evened out into soft snores and Eren found that little inkling of courage he needed.

**[Eren:]** I think we should talk in person. If you don’t want to at least say so.

He allowed himself a small amount of satisfaction over the fact that there was no fluff in the text, no ambiguity. It was mature and precise, leaving no room for misinterpretation. The worst he could say about it was that maybe the second sentence might come off as being a bit harsh but as much as he might have hurt Levi, he was hurting too. As the credits rolled on the documentary he leaned up against Armin and drifted off, the warmth of his best friend a bulwark against restless sleep and bad dreams.

 

**

When they woke up Eren still didn’t have a response from Levi. He chewed at his lip as he looked at the last text in the thread, the one he had sent last night. It was already after eight in the morning and Levi should have been up already. While the man was certainly closed off and awkward, Levi had never struck Eren as the sort of person who would ignore something he didn’t want to deal with; regardless of how uncomfortable it made him. He was still staring blankly at his phone when Armin leaned over and plucked it out of his hand, laying it down on the desk and beckoning for Eren to follow him out of his bedroom and down to the kitchen.

They sat in silence, the burble of the coffee pot filled the room and Eren relaxed into the strong and rich smell wafting through the room. He closed his eyes bowed his head forward, catching it in his hands and focusing on his breathing rather than his racing thoughts, looking up in surprise when Armin set a plate down in front of him with a buttered English muffin on it.

“We’re going to hang out today. Just the two of us.”

“No Jean?”

“No Jean.” Armin’s voice was firm. “Eat that, have a cup of coffee and then grab a change of clothes. You can shower at my house and then we’re going to spend the day doing something.”

“I’d rather shower here.”

“Eren…” He glanced up at the kitchen clock. “I need to feed the neighbor’s cat in half an hour.”

“I’ll meet you at your place.” Eren recoiled slightly under Armin’s hard look.

“If you aren’t at my house in an hour you will know no peace.”

“Okay.”

“I’m serious Eren.”

“ _Okay._ ”

 

He was out of the shower and getting dressed when he heard his phone vibrate, alerting him that he had received a text. Rather than immediately pick up his phone, Eren resolved to finish dressing, some sixth sense telling him that it wasn’t Armin texting him. Just as he was pulling his pants on he heard his phone go off again. He reached out for his phone rather than a shirt and opened up the text thread.

**[Levi:]** I needed some time to calm down and then I left my phone in Moblit’s car yesterday. Just got it back this morning.

**[Levi:]** We do need to talk. Let me know when you’re free.

The phone vibrated again in his hand and another text popped up.

**[Levi:]** I’m sorry.

Some small part of him wanted to ignore Levi’s texts for a bit, to make him wait and hopefully feel that sick uncertainty. However, the larger part of him wanted to get it over with, to deal with the pain sooner rather than later, rip it off quickly like a band aid.

**[Eren:]** I’m free now if you are, where do you want to meet?

**[Levi:]** Hanji’s at work if you want to come here. Or I could go to you. Or we could meet somewhere else.

Eren paused before responding, weighing his options. Part of him wanted to stay home, somewhere familiar and safe. But at the same time this was a conversation he wanted be able to walk away from if necessary and felt uncomfortable having it at someone else’s home. He paused, trying to think of a neutral location to meet at and coming up short; there were too many places that they had gone to together. He stared at his phone, trying to piece everything together and feel out his own emotional capacity to deal with everything right this moment, pausing and questioning his desire to get it over with.

**[Eren:]** On second thought… tomorrow? Marconi is really quiet early in the morning.

**[Levi:]** What time?

**[Eren:]** Seven work for you?

**[Levi:]** Yeah.

 

His day went more smoothly after that and he was able to relax into Armin’s company, the both of them going out for brunch at the Bookstore & Restaurant before wandering aimlessly around town. He barely processed Armin’s vague surprise that he had decided to put off talking to Levi the next day rather than jumping in without any forethought. That Armin looked mildly surprised was something he chose to ignore; he knew there was no way to truly fix things between himself and Levi, but he wasn’t about to make things worse by going in without having collected his thoughts. Throughout the day he made mental notes to himself about what he wanted from Levi. First and foremost, he needed to know what Levi had wanted him to apologize for but there were other things coming to mind now that he had given himself the space to think. He needed to know if Levi hated him, he needed to know just how deep Levi’s feelings for him had gone, he needed to know what Levi saw in him in the first place. He needed to know if this would be a permanent good bye.

If Armin noticed that his thoughts were elsewhere as they ate ice cream in the Ben & Jerry’s parking lot, he didn’t say anything.

 

**

Eren woke up well ahead of his alarm, ahead of sunrise even. It wasn’t nervousness that ran through him, but the wound up anticipation was leaving him restless. He looked at the clock and realized that if he left in the next ten minutes he would be able to get to Marconi Beach just in time to watch the sunrise.

It was cool and damp as he drove down the empty streets, seeing only a handful of joggers in the pre-dawn light. The massive parking lot at Marconi was almost empty save for a few cars with surfboard racks on their roofs, some surfers already heading in from the water and changing out of wetsuits and into regular clothing. Out in the water he could see a number of surfers bobbing out in the water, paddling and trying to catch the waves, an older man using a kayak oar to paddle rather than his arms. As he drew closer he noticed another person leaning against the rail at the top of the dune, watching the surfers and the sun beginning to crest the waves behind them.

“Hey, Levi.” Eren saw more than heard Levi sigh, his breath drowned out by the faint surf.

“Hey.”

They both turned away from each other, staring out at the ocean and inhaling the salty breeze, the silence familiar and comfortable in spite of everything. The whisper of the dune grass helped to center Eren’s thoughts, focusing on the myriad of small noises around him as time passed and the sun breached the horizon. Everything around him felt slow and calm, the turmoil in him quieting as he breathed deeply. Glancing over at Levi he took in the placid look on his face. Somehow, in spite of everything, neither of them felt anything but at ease. When Eren finally spoke it was unhurried and unforced, a natural pickup of a conversation that needed to happen.

“I got here early because I wanted to watch the sunrise and clear my mind.”

“I had the same thought.” Levi paused and looked up at the sky, a tiny smile pulling gently at his lips. “Great minds, huh?”

“You sure you want to put your own mind in the same class as a dumb eighteen-year-old?” He hadn’t meant to be quite so self-deprecating and tried to soften it with a smile even as he reminded himself just why they were here.

“You aren’t dumb.” Levi shifted, leaning forward so that his forearms were resting on the wooden rail, still watching the ocean. His words were emphatic when he reiterated his sentiment. “Definitely not dumb.”

“Dumb enough to fuck up though.” Eren watched as Levi’s shoulders slumped and his head dropped, staring at his hands rather than the ocean. Something small clenched in Eren’s stomach and he forced his way past it. “Though I still don’t know what I fucked up. I tried to figure it out but –”

“It wasn’t fair of me to expect you to know what you’d done.” Levi ran a hand through his hair roughly as he straightened up. “Our life experiences have been different. Our _levels_ of experience are incredibly different.”

“Going to give me another lecture about how I’m too young to know anything?”

“Eren, there’s no getting around the fact that I’m more than twice your age. Don’t act like that’s a negligible gap.” They both fell silent, gulls shrieking overhead.

“So. What should I be apologizing for?”

“I knew you weren’t serious. Let’s just get that out of the way first.” A serious and melancholy air surrounded Levi as Eren watched him, leaning his hip against the rail. “It’s the fact that you thought it wasn’t serious. That it was just a joke.” Levi glanced in his direction briefly before continuing. “It’s that you said it at all, that it came to mind and that you said it without thinking that it might be taken poorly.”

“Oh.”

“I spent the first half of my life just barely getting by and I’m fine now but that doesn’t go away. We first met _because_ you hired me. We were never starting with a perfectly clean slate.”

“I’m sorry.” Eren let out a long sigh. “This was doomed from the beginning, wasn’t it?”

“I wouldn’t say that. But it was never going to be easy.”

“Why _did_ you agree to any of this?” Levi cocked his head thoughtfully as he watched Eren.

“You’re dynamic. Part of it is that you’re growing and changing so much as a person but also…” Levi trailed off and looked away sharply. “But also you’re an interesting person all on your own.” Eren watched Levi intently as he frowned. “I wasn’t just being contrary when I said I might be using you. In a way I think I was.”

Eren felt as though something were caught in his throat, taking in a few deep breaths and willing it to pass. “How?”

“You were interesting to me. I was still pretty messed up over my mother and uncle when we met and you were a distraction from that.”

“Oh.” Eren could feel his eyes stinging now as he tried to swallow.

“Ironically, finding out you were eighteen made me realize just how much I actually liked you as a person.” Levi’s hands clenched and his body tensed up. “The other night made me realize that all over again.”

“What, that you actually cared?”

“No, but the more you care about something or someone, the more it hurts when things go wrong.” They let the distant sound of the waves wash over them and Eren tried to gather his courage, feeling it swell like the waves and finally crash as he spoke.

“How much does it hurt?”

“A lot.” Levi paused, his body stuttering as he stopped himself from turning to face Eren. “You?”

“Pretty fucking bad.”

“Sorry.”

“I’m sorry too.” Pushing out his next words was difficult, Eren feeling the physical strain of them on his lips as he spoke. “Do you think that there’s any chance we can be friends?”

“I don’t know. Besides, you’re going to college. Make some friends your own age.”

“You live in Massachusetts, yeah?” Eren tried to ride the bubbling tide within himself as he pressed on. “I’m going to Northeastern so I’m going to be in the state.”

“Eren –” Levi stopped, interrupting himself, a look of faint surprise on his face. “That’s the first thing you’ve said about where you’re going to college.”

“Yeah uh, I kind of got outright rejected from Harvard and was waitlisted by Northeastern at first. It’s not something I like to talk about given everyone’s reactions. Especially with Armin going to Harvard.”

“Rich people are weird.” Levi made a face and shook his head. “I teach in Springfield. Grew up there too in a different part of the city. It was a different city altogether really.”

“Springfield and Boston aren’t that close.”

“No, they aren’t.”

“Do you think there’s any way…” Eren trailed off.

“I said I’ll think about it. That’s the best I can do.”

“Okay.”

 

Neither of them spoke again, simply watching the sun climb ever higher and the surfers returning to the beach, covered in sand and sea. Eventually Levi pulled back from the rail, mumbling a goodbye before heading back to his own car, leaving Eren to continue to stare out at the ocean and try to quiet the crashing sea of emotion in his chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [The Bookstore & Restaurant](https://www.wellfleetoyster.com/) is a cute casual place to eat that's on the edge of Wellfleet proper.
> 
> [Marconi Beach](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marconi_Beach) is probably the most popular beach in Wellfleet for families to go to. It also has a nice boardwalk and benches up at the top of the dunes and is a really great place to watch the sunrise. I took a number of photos a couple years ago when I was there but those photos have been misplaced on some hard drive somewhere so here's a link to some [photos of Marconi Beach from Google](https://www.google.com/search?q=marconi+beach&espv=2&biw=1366&bih=643&tbm=isch&tbo=u&source=univ&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwiUwfiqhdrJAhUGlR4KHQ73CLUQsAQISQ)
> 
> Edit: [ I FOUND THE PHOTOS!!](http://mybrainproblems.tumblr.com/post/139729345114/oh-shit-so-i-was-going-through-my-photos-saved)


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay; holidays are awful. I am determined to finish this damn thing before 2016 so the next update will be only a couple days from now. It's been quite the ride working on this fic and I love it dearly. Kinda wish I had a physical copy but oh well :')

The next few days passed slowly, Eren staring insistently at the clock and calendar, willing time to speed up. He wasn't really looking forward to the fact that he would be spending the latter half of a day driving but there was nothing he wanted more than to give Mikasa a massive bear hug as soon as she exited customs. The (ideally) two and a half hour drive from Wellfleet to Boston Logan definitely wasn't going to be fun but over the past few days he had found himself missing his family more and more. Asahi had decided to change her flight so that she would be meeting his dad in Munich before flying back via New York City and the fact that he would have three full days with Mikasa and Armin before his dad and step-mom showed up settled over him like a warm blanket. What left him slightly uneasy was the fact that he would have to explain to Mikasa what had happened with Levi. He could easily imagine the ensuing expressions she would wear; criticism and narrowed eyes would shift to wide-eyed concern and finally to a positively murderous expression as she threatened to hunt Levi down for hurting her brother. _That_ was something he could do without.

 

The day of Mikasa's arrival passed even more slowly than the preceding days as Eren tried to occupy himself, his attempts to hang out with friends stymied by Armin having to work and everyone else having end-of-summer familial obligations. Jean had managed to duck out of the house between breakfast and his aunt arriving for lunch but his visit had been brief and Eren was still left with a couple of stressful hours where he had nothing to do but wander around the house looking for something that might need to be cleaned or put away.

It was only after he had vacuumed the living room and scrubbed down the kitchen counters twice that he gave in and paced around the house restlessly for the next hour, willing time to pass more quickly. Finally it was late enough that Eren felt he could leave without arriving at the airport too early while also allowing himself some leeway for traffic. The drive was thankfully uneventful. Getting off the Cape went smoothly and the traffic snarl on I-93 heading into Boston was better than he had anticipated and left him with a full half hour until Mikasa's flight was set to land. Without much to do he sat in the arrivals terminal, quietly laughing at Armin's surreptitious Snapchats of himself at work. They went back and forth, something to help Eren pass the time until Mikasa arrived. Eventually a steady flow of people came spilling out of customs and into the terminal waiting area. Eren pocketed his phone and stood, scanning the exodus for Mikasa.

A familiar face materialized behind the crowd, clearly standing on tiptoes and trying to peer over the crush of people as she moved forward, single-mindedly seeking out Eren. He waved his hand over his head, trying to get Mikasa’s attention and flag her towards him. When she finally found him they both broke into identical grins, Mikasa walking more quickly now in spite of her luggage, hurrying towards Eren. It felt like it wasn’t more than a split second between them spotting each other and them hugging each other tightly enough that Eren could practically feel his ribs bruising. They parted after a few minutes, Eren gesturing at Mikasa’s suitcases.

“What, is that it?” He grinned cheekily and grabbed one of the two massive suitcases and one smaller one she had with her, the second large one next to her with a duffle resting on it and a backpack slung over her shoulder.

“I was gone for _three months_.” She huffed and began to push the larger suitcase and duffle in front of her, awkwardly trailing the smaller suitcase behind for a moment before Eren grabbed that one as well. “Thanks.”

“I thought you only had _one_ massive suitcase when you left.”

“My cousin was getting married. Traditional attire so I had to get a kimono and mom wanted me to bring it back.”

“And a kimono is the size of a suitcase?”

“Oh my _god_ , Eren. It’s not like that’s the only thing I’m bringing back. The kimono takes up less than half a suitcase.”

“So what’s the other half?”

“Pocky.” Mikasa’s expression was completely deadpan and Eren wasn’t entirely sure whether or not she was joking.

 

The ride out of the airport was quiet and except for asking if Mikasa wanted to stop for food they both remained silent, her mouth quirking up as they passed by the building with the large inflatable padlock draped across it. Eren glanced over every so often as they headed south on I-93, checking to see if Mikasa was still awake and trying to gather his courage to broach the topic of what he’d been up to that summer. He wanted to get it over with, especially without anyone else there to potentially butt in. The fact that he was driving also meant that he had a distraction and also an excuse to take a break if necessary so that he could “focus” on the road. He let out a long breath and tried to relax his grip on the steering wheel slightly so that his knuckles were no longer white.

“So…” Eren trailed off, losing his nerve slightly when he saw Mikasa’s focused look.

“So?” She was arching an eyebrow now and rather than drag it out, Eren dove right in.

“I might have kinda-sorta maybe dated a guy who’s twice my age this summer.”

“You _WHAT_?” Eren flinched away at Mikasa’s explosive incredulity. “And neither you _or_ Armin thought to tell me that at any point? I know we didn’t talk regularly but…” She paused, looking down at her hands, contemplating them for a moment before looking up again. He voice was quieter now, sympathetic. “You said ‘dated.’ Past tense?”

“Yeah.” It was barely more than an exhale.

“Are you okay?” Eren glanced over, took in the soft and concerned look on Mikasa’s face.

“Not really.” He paused. “But I will be.”

“Want to talk about it?”

“Give me a minute.” Eren took in a deep breath, centering himself and re-ordering his thoughts before speaking.

 

He started from the beginning with the dare and having lunch with Levi, progressed to their awkward group breakfast and hiring Levi again; the lead-up of the party and the mention of the cock on Jean’s face drawing a loud snort out of Mikasa. Progressing on, he told her about running and their disastrous date at the drive-in, leaving out some of the details about hands and lips but brutally honest about the end of the night. He glossed over going barhopping in Provincetown – knew Armin would probably mention that and Sasha’s brownies later – and focused on the relaxed tension between him and Levi, the resolution of “friends-and-only-friends” giving way as they circled each other and got closer. Flushing slightly, he began to talk about the day they spent wandering between beaches and the golden dunes and didn’t bother pushing away the warmth he felt at that memory or even the memory of them going boating, regardless of what had followed. He pulled no punches as he explained how spectacularly awful the end had been, that his final meeting with Levi had simultaneously hurt and helped him to begin healing.

They had just passed Hyannis when Eren finished, a heavy silence settling over them as Mikasa watched him carefully, chewing on her lip. There was a conflicted expression on her face, brows furrowed slightly as she put her thoughts together. Finally, she spoke haltingly, piecing her words together cautiously.

“I don’t mean to be callous, but… it was probably for the best… wasn’t it? I mean… with that much of an age gap. And you’re going to college.” She watched him, bracing for an outburst that didn’t come.

“Yeah, I mean I know all that. Doesn’t hurt any less though.”

“Sorry.” Mikasa fidgeted, picking imaginary lint off of her jeans as she tried to figure out what to say. She was about to speak again – to comment on the weather, the traffic, anything – but Eren spoke first, changing the direction of the conversation completely.

“So your cousin got married… how was the wedding?”

Mikasa took the hint and spent the rest of the drive and the process of moving all of her things into the house talking about the wedding and how there had been almost nobody her age there, her mother leading her through and introducing her to relatives who hadn’t seen her since before she’d lost her first tooth, resulting in a summer of being reintroduced to the entirety of her mother’s side of the family. Eren allowed her words to wash over him, listening to the rise and fall of Mikasa’s voice as she talked about her prissy cousin from Kyoto obsessing over his hair and her grandmother sharing embarrassing stories about her mother in high school. That he didn’t have to say anything allowed Eren to relax, Mikasa’s chatter providing something to focus on while not fully commanding his attention.

She was in the middle of telling Eren about how she got lost in Tokyo during her second week when Armin arrived, grinning as he and Mikasa embraced. They ordered pizza and curled up together on the couch, a movie on in the background as they caught up, Armin distracted by texts from Jean until finally Mikasa pulled the phone out of his hands. She didn’t hold onto it long, glancing at the text Armin had just sent. Her eyes widened slightly before she hurled the phone not so much _at_ Armin as _away_ from herself, Armin blushing and Eren laughing at Mikasa’s mildly horrified expression as she proclaimed that she hadn’t raised Armin to be like this. Somehow things progressed into a brief pillow fight before Mikasa’s jet lag finally caught up and she nearly faceplanted into the couch, headbutting Armin in the process.

Armin stayed after Mikasa headed up to her room to go to sleep, the both of them figuring out what to do for the next couple of days until Grisha and Asahi returned. Even though there was no way Mikasa could hear them they kept their voices low, Armin’s goodbye a silent wave as he left well after dark.

It was only as he was getting into bed himself that he realized that at no point had Mikasa threatened to do Levi bodily harm in any way and that while she had been understanding and sympathetic, she hadn't been blindly supportive. He realized that maybe they’d all done a lot of growing up that summer.

 

**

Eren and Mikasa were out on the back deck, sunning and drinking lemonade when their parents arrived hours ahead of schedule. There were fewer bags between them than when Mikasa had arrived since they had already stopped at home after their return earlier in the week, something Eren was very grateful for. It felt odd to Eren to hug his father and Asahi again. He had gone just as long without seeing them during one or two semesters at school but he’d always had other people he was sharing his life with; Armin in the bed across the room, Jean in the common room flicking erasers at him, Mikasa helping him with geometry. But this time there was an entire part of his life that was his and his alone. Levi’s only passing in his parents’ consciousness would be a few line items on a credit card bill that they paid off without even looking at what it was for. And in that moment he felt Levi as nothing more than some ephemeral memory, something drifting at the edge of his world with nobody to really confirm that he had been real – that his relationship with Levi had been real.

 

As they settled into the kitchen, Asahi pulled out some fruits that they had picked up at one of the market stands along Rt. 6 as well as some bread and cheese, a small late lunch as the four of them tried to plot out the last few days of summer before returning home to pack and prepare for Eren and Mikasa to go to college. That rapidly approaching day left Eren feeling as though a small block of ice had been placed in his stomach; he wasn’t ready to say goodbye to the summer, wasn’t finished healing. He pulled himself out of his own thoughts as he heard the conversation turn towards dinner plans, his chest constricting slightly as his father suggested they go to the Wicked Oyster. In the ensuing discussion he found himself unable to give a good reason for them to not go without having to explain that the last time he’d been there it had been with a man over twice his age and that the night ended with the most tender kiss he’d ever experienced, that he could still pull up the memory of Levi’s fingers at the nape of his neck.

As their dinner plans began to solidify, Mikasa glanced his way and frowned, not knowing what exactly had happened but able to form an educated guess. She interrupted their parents suddenly and at a higher volume than was necessary, pointing out since they had all just been reunited that day they should just order in and rest up if they were planning on going out boating with the Kirchstein’s the next day. He breathed a quiet sigh of relief as Asahi went to the drawer with the delivery menus and they all began to sort through them.

 

Those last few days with their whole family on the Cape rubbed at Eren oddly; he’d become used to a certain freedom of movement and decision and with his parents back, that total freedom was gone. He had frowned and huffed on principle when his father had told him to vacuum out the inside of his car two mornings later, never mind that he’d been planning on doing it that afternoon anyway. Mikasa had snorted and shook her head, reminding him that it was _his_ car when he’d tried to enlist her help. After a bit of him complaining she had helped find him an extension cord for the vacuum cleaner but left almost immediately after, determined not to get roped into the actual cleaning. In the end he was glad that she had refused to help as he took things out.

The first thing he found was a receipt from a café in Provincetown for four croissants and two coffees folded neatly into quarters and left in the passenger side door. As he was vacuuming out the back seat he found a bag that had overturned, beneath it was a large white scallop shell looking fragile and out of place sitting on the mat behind the driver’s seat. He held it in his hand, the shell almost covering his palm and looking whole and perfect. A small part of him considered throwing it off the end of the dock but in the end sentiment had won out and he left it on a shelf with other odds and ends. He continued vacuuming, watching sand and small bits of paper get sucked up into the tube until he realized there was something under the driver’s seat that the vacuum wasn’t picking up. He bent low, knees on the concrete floor of the garage as he twisted, trying to see under the seat.

It was a crumpled up piece of paper, caught on some plastic piece under the seat. As his squinted at it, head awkwardly tilted as he tried to figure out how to pull it out, he recalled tossing that exact piece of paper in the backseat without having looked at it. He grimaced and found himself wondering for the first time in his life if there were late fees on parking tickets. As his fingers brushed it he realized that there was no way it was a parking ticket – the paper was too thin to be anything but notebook paper. He leaned back, legs stretched out on the concrete with part of the car digging uncomfortably into his back and slowly uncrumpled the paper. The note was written in a loose and looping script, not ornate but carefully written.

 

 

> _Just because you’re rich doesn’t mean you get to take advantage of that boy. You should be ashamed of yourself._

Eren sat perfectly still as he stared at the note, could recall the pinched frown of one of the women whose children were playing on the sandbar that day, recalled that most of them had left by the time they were returning. Part of him expected that he would feel something; a punch to the gut or a low swoop of melancholy, but all he could feel was some weird amusement at the irony of the situation. For a brief moment he felt a tug of habit, his hand reaching out for his phone before he pulled it back. Ironic and darkly humorous as it was, it wasn’t for him to share with Levi. Not now and likely not ever. He realized that even if they spoke again this wasn’t something that Levi would find as amusing as he did. With a sigh he stood up, rolling his shoulders and crumpling up the paper again, tossing it into the trash with the receipt and the other random trash he had found in the car.

 

Time passed in slow motion and then quickly, the last few days on the Cape quickly giving way to the slow rush of closing up the house for the summer. There would be no packing for school only to return for Labor Day this year, not when his and Mikasa’s first year orientations were the week before. Eren and Mikasa left in a separate car this year, Eren sitting back in the passenger seat of his car while Mikasa drove.

He didn’t say a word when they passed the turn-off that would take them to Hanji’s cottage.

 

**

Packing was hardly a whirlwind for them, nothing more than a routine and leisurely affair that they had perfected over the last four years. They had it down almost to a science though this time there were some extra odds and ends; a couple of dishes and some utensils, a small pot and some dish towels. Beyond that there were no real changes save for some new clothes and before he knew it Eren was heading north again, retracing their footsteps back to Massachusetts, bypassing the exit for the Cape and continuing on to Boston.

There was something lonely about this moving-in day, only his father accompanying him while Asahi and Mikasa still had another few days until they needed to be at Wellesley. It was the first time since Eren was eight that he would be starting a school year without Mikasa at his side and he couldn’t even remember how long ago it had been since he had started school without Armin, wasn’t sure that he had _ever_ started school without Armin. But that wasn’t right. They’d met at school and so there must have been some year or years where they didn’t start together, lost now to the faded memory of a small child. There was something simultaneously lonely and exhilarating about it, starting off on a life of his own after a decade and a half of having a familiar face along with him.

 

**

His roommate seemed nice enough and Eren was suddenly glad that it was only his dad with him given that the other boy – Marco, freckled and with hair parted so neatly Eren swore he used a ruler and giving off the impression of a choir boy – had his entire family with him; parents and three sisters ranging in age from elementary school to mid-teens. After their families left and they settled in together Eren found that he wasn’t off the mark at all; Marco Bodt was the product of a good Catholic upbringing complete with altar boy status, a rigorous Catholic school education and the rebellious declaration that he would only be attending mass once a month now that he no longer lived with his family. Eren couldn’t help but gawk at the other boy’s idea of rebellion while simultaneously vowing that he wouldn’t let anyone pressure the Freckled Jesus that was his roommate into doing something that he wasn’t comfortable with. For all that they’d clearly had _very_ different upbringings Eren couldn’t help but feel protective of Marco’s basic decency, the only thing worrying at him being just how Marco might react to his sexuality, something that Eren put no effort into broadcasting during their first week.

Orientation was a little like what he imagined summer camp might be with all of introductions and team building and social events. Part of him felt very old as he watched everyone around him revel in being away from their families and being independent and on their own for the first time ever. He texted Armin periodically, asking if he had _also_ seen at least four different guys strumming guitars and singing Wonderwall out on the quad. He received a snapchat back with a selfie of Armin in the foreground with an eyebrow raised, a guy with unkempt hair strumming a guitar behind him, the photo captioned with _“he’s number six.”_

The day before classes passed too quickly and Eren found himself unable to sit still after dinner, shifting restlessly in his desk chair and trying not to eavesdrop too much on Marco’s conversation with his family. Later that night, as he hovered on the edge of sleep he heard his phone buzz next to his pillow, a soft smile spread across his face as he read the text.

 **[Levi:]** Good luck

He didn’t hesitate before texting back.

 **[Eren:]** You too

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The colleges that everyone went to are as follows:  
>   
> Eren, Northeastern University  
> Armin, Harvard University  
> Mikasa, Wellesley College  
> Jean, Boston University  
>   
>  **Note:** I've only ever spent substantial time on the Wellesley and Harvard campuses but I know people who went to Northeastern and BU. Did I look up Wellesley's and Northeastern's 2014 academic calendars? You betcha. Which, btw... this whole story takes place in summer 2014.
> 
> I may or may not have spent about a week creating a playlist that follows the mood / narrative of the story. You can [check it out on Spotify](https://open.spotify.com/user/mybrainproblems/playlist/7EsofJOqpurxW5XsjbEc38). I've got the track list below but if you check them out on YouTube you might want to avoid the cinematic music videos with the long intros and outros because I put a decent bit of thought into the flow and transitions. Feel free to make guesses about the ending given the playlist :')
> 
>  **Innocence,** Electric Youth  
>  **Kids,** MGMT  
>  **Chandelier,** Sia  
>  **Turn Down for What,** DJ Snake  & Lil Jon (s2g it's _the_ summer 2014 song)  
>  **Royals,** Lorde  
>  **If You Don't Cry,** The Magnetic Fields (I don't really agree with the sentiment but it works)  
>  **Islands,** the xx  
>  **Under Your Spell,** Desire  
>  **Stay With Me,** Sam Smith (Remember that song Eren was humming last chapter...)  
>  **Summertime Sadness,** Lana Del Rey  
>  **Where Is My Mind?,** piano cover by Maxence Cyrin  
>  **The Things We Did and Didn't Do,** The Magnetic Fields  
>  **On A Good Day,** Above  & Beyond (Acoustic version)  
>  **Perfect Day,** Lou Reed


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sort of in shock that this is the end, that I've created a novel in the span of a year and that many people have been along for the journey of it. 
> 
> My original plan was to end the story with the previous chapter, an ending that was very open and uncertain and in a lot of ways intentionally unsatisfying. But over the course of writing this and talking with people I realized that there were things in the latter part of the story that I wanted to flesh out, that I wanted a... not necessarily happier, but more concrete ending. I also realized that ending with the previous chapter would have stunted Levi as a character and so I made the decision to share a little more and do him some justice.
> 
> And now we are at the end. Thank you for joining me, I hope you enjoy this last part of the story.

**[Levi:]** I'm going to be in Boston the afternoon before Thanksgiving if you're around.

Eren had received the text while studying for a calculus exam; had been a welcome distraction, an odd warmth bubbling up in his stomach and combating his intense lethargy from doing practice sets of equations. He hadn't responded immediately, not trusting his sleep deprived brain to write anything even remotely coherent, forgetting about the text entirely until he was out of his exam two days later. When he finally did remember it he was on the phone with Mikasa, coordinating driving back to Connecticut for the holiday – Armin would be making his way back with Jean on Tuesday – and trying to figure out what time and place would be best to meet up since she wouldn’t be done until 5pm on the day before Thanksgiving.

When he finally hung up he opened up his text thread with Levi, staring at it and wondering if it was too late for him to respond and how Levi might have felt about not getting a response for almost three days. He found himself re-reading all of the preceding texts; the mundane check-ins about how his classes were going, what it was like to be back teaching after being gone for so long. And yet in spite the infrequency or superficiality their texts Eren couldn't help but feel okay with how things were between the two of them. They might not be as close but Levi hadn't shut him out completely and had actually been making an effort to stay in touch. That he was actually suggesting that they meet up had Eren smiling softly to himself.

 **[Eren:]** Sorry! Crazy busy with a calculus exam. I'm not heading back until Wednesday evening. What time are you getting in?

He glanced at the time on his phone immediately after sending it off. It was past noon on a Sunday but Eren never could figure out Levi's weekend sleep schedule. One time he'd received a response at 4am that he had just woken up and another time it had been 3am and he was just going to sleep. Eren was slightly surprised when he felt his phone vibrate less than fifteen minutes later.

 **[Levi:]** Figured you were busy. I hope you didn't spend a week living on energy drinks and ramen.

 **[Levi:]** I'll be getting in ~2.30pm.

 **[Eren:]** Coffee and pasta. I even put broccoli in it!

 **[Levi:]** Well as long as there was broccoli...

He bit the inside of his cheek, Levi's sarcastic expression and tone tangible even in text form.

 **[Eren:]** I doubt you were any healthier in college.

 **[Levi:]** Nope. Tea and Easy Mac.

 **[Eren:]** Seriously?

 **[Levi:]** The grocery store near us had a 3/$1 sale on the store brand at the beginning of every semester. Hanji and I pooled resources.

 **[Eren:]** Oh god how much did you get??

 **[Levi:]** At least $20 worth once

Eren was about to send to send "Why? That's so gross" when he stopped himself, finger hovering above the send button. He knew _exactly_ why Levi and Hanji would be stocking up on sixty boxes of store brand Easy Mac, or at least he knew why Levi would. He erased the message, starting over again.

 **[Eren:]** So how much space does that take up in a car?

They went back and forth a bit longer before finally tackling the question of where they would meet up on Wednesday, eventually settling on meeting at the Arlington T stop at the Boston Common a little after 3pm.

 

The day was cool and windy, a damp New England chill and misty rain making Eren regret suggesting that they meet somewhere outdoors. If they had agreed to meet somewhere inside they might have at least been able to sit somewhere warm while they figured out what to do. He stood at the corner of the Common, watching as people exited the stop, trying to pick out Levi in the crowd. For a moment he thought he'd found him when a short figure surfaced across the street. He quickly realizing his mistake when the short figure turned to speak to a middle-aged woman – clearly a teenager and her mother. He was so caught up in his embarrassment with having mistaken a teenage girl for Levi that he didn't notice the other man approaching him until he was less than ten yards away.

They stood facing each other, an awkward air settling between the steadily decreasing distance between them. Levi raised an eyebrow at the lumpy brown sherpa hat Eren was wearing causing him to duck his head, fidgeting with a loose thread on his coat sleeve.

"You got taller." Eren lifted his head at Levi's flat tone. "Keep growing and I'll have to cut your legs off at the knees if I want to have a conversation with you."

"Maybe _you_ should get taller." The awkward air between them broke as they both smiled at each other, Levi’s mouth quirking up as he looked at Eren.

"You look good for someone who subsists on coffee and pasta."

"Hey! That was just because of my exam!"

"I'm sure."

"I'm being serious." Eren took a more careful look at Levi, noting the circles under his eyes and the faint pinch to his mouth. "You look... stressed."

"Gave a test last Friday and was grading all weekend. Then I had to deal with trying to corral a bunch of teenagers and try to keep them working with an upcoming holiday."

"Am I allowed to know what you teach now?"

"Yeah. I teach physics."

"That's cool." Eren paused for a moment, rubbing at the back of his neck. “I sucked at physics.” His mild embarrassment was worth the snort of laughter and the smile it elicited from Levi.

 

They lapsed into silence as they strolled down the paths, wandering through the Commons. As they passed by the launch for the swan boats – now closed for the winter – Eren smiled to himself, recalling a conversation that seemed to have happened ages ago. There was an odd quality to the world around them, Eren feeling as though he did and didn't know the Levi walking beside him. The Levi next to him wore a black peacoat with a soft-looking green scarf and taught physics, the reality beside him brushing shoulders with the memory of a Levi who wore tank tops and had freckles on his shoulders, a Levi who got paid to keep rich old ladies company. He knew that a part of it was the cooler light of almost-winter, but this Levi's skin was different as well; the light glow of summer gone pale, his cheeks slightly pink from the wind and damp as he pulled his scarf up higher. There was something sharper about this Levi too, somehow more solid in outline and less like a hazy apparition, a shimmering heat mirage under the summer sun. Eren watched Levi carefully out of the corner of his eye, trying to pinpoint the differences and reconcile them with one another. There was tension in his mouth that hadn't been there over the summer and yet Eren couldn't help but think that he was just as likely to smile as he was to frown, and not quiet smiles either if the more pronounced laugh lines were anything to go by. He had to wonder just how much more Levi would have to be smiling for him to notice those lines, or – he realized suddenly – maybe they had always been like that and _he_ hadn’t noticed.

Eren was so wrapped up in his observations of Levi that he didn’t realize immediately that they had stopped walking and that Levi had just said something to him.

“Sorry, uh… say again?”

“I asked if there’s anywhere in particular you wanted to go?”

"Well there's always the Aquarium." Eren froze as his mind screamed _‘date spot date spot date spot’_ at him. His mouth open and closed a second and he laughed nervously. "Actually that's a bad idea, probably a lot of little kids there." Levi didn't seem to think anything of it and Eren breathed a sigh of relief.

"So any other thoughts? It's been a while since I've been in Boston without Erwin having micromanaged a schedule of events for us."

"Well... there's a Goya exhibit at the MFA that opened about a month ago. I've been meaning to go but I've been so busy."

"I should've just met you there then. Now you have to backtrack."

"I don't mind. Besides, it's not like we’d already planned to go. I think they're closing early though so we should get moving." The both of them turned around, retracing their footsteps back to the Arlington stop.

 

The Green Line was relatively empty, most people having already left or returned home for the holiday. Still, they sat close together even though they didn't speak, Eren aware of the places where their bodies pressed in a line against each other and imagining that he could feel Levi's warmth even through their coats. The rain had paused but the sky had grown gloomier by the time they were at the museum stop and Eren felt a shiver run through Levi as they stepped off the trolley. Even though the walk between the stop and the museum was short Eren could feel the chill setting into his fingers, his nose and cheeks stinging.

After the cold weather outside the interior of the museum building felt stifling and hot, the both of them unbuttoning coats and loosening scarves immediately, Eren removing his hat and ruffling his hair. He hung back as they approached the admissions counter, waiting for another teller to be free so that he could purchase his own ticket. Something fluttered in his stomach at the warm and faintly approving look on Levi's face as he waited for him at the entrance to the exhibits. Levi didn’t say anything as he turned and took a step forward, Eren a half step behind him trying to quell that fluttering feeling. He found himself failing miserably as they walked up the ornate central stairs, the soft lighting warming Levi's complexion and reminding him of the summer sun.

In the darkened hush of the exhibition hall Eren couldn't help but watch Levi, observing the way he tilted his head back or occasionally even stood slightly on his toes to look more closely at the artwork. They passed by most of the commissioned paintings, Levi remarking on the dichotomy between the colorful and soft portraits of nobility and the harsh etchings of a country in turmoil, the mental ravages of violence and illness. Eren paused longer at some of the etchings, getting in close to look at the detail and the emotion captured in each work. The both of them wandered through the rooms at a leisurely pace, only a handful of other patrons present, allowing them to pause for as long as they wanted while Eren talked about specific qualities in some of the works; the impact of the Peninsular War and Goya’s health on his art. Eren caught Levi’s raised eyebrow and let out a sigh, admitting that he was taking an art history class and had taken a special interest in Goya; the idyllic beauty and deep savagery, the dreams and the twisted nightmares. He felt a little foolish until he heard Levi murmur that he was actually enjoying Eren’s running commentary. Something pleasant and warm settled over him as they continued on, Eren eventually falling silent as he ran out of information.

They stopped fully in front of one etching, the both of them staring at it, taking in the oddly dreamlike and desolate quality of the giant seated on the hilltop, staring back at the viewer as the moon hung heavy and close over his head.

“It’s known as _El Coloso_ ; the Giant or the Seated Giant.” Eren’s voice was far quieter than before, barely above a whisper. “There’s another _El Coloso_ in Madrid that’s more well-known. Actually, they aren’t even sure if this one is by Goya or a student or even just a contemporary.” The both of them stared at the artwork, eyes sweeping across the light and shadow defining the giant’s musculature. “I still like it though.”

 

The sky was darkening as they exited the museum, not giving anything more than a cursory glance at the other exhibits. While they were inside the wind had picked up even more, the light rain from earlier had turned into a soft wet snow that settled damply on the ground, the street and sidewalks slick and shiny under the streetlamps and the dusky light. They both grimaced and shivered as the wind cut through them, Eren quietly offering Levi a spare hat from his bag. They wandered along, heads bowed against the cold wind and precipitation as they moved forward, not speaking as they looked for a place to get out of the weather.

Eventually they came upon a quiet café, the interior desolate with the departure of so many college students for the holiday. They chose a small table by the window, seated across from each other with their fingers curled around hot mugs of tea as they waited for their noses and cheeks to defrost. It wasn’t until their food was being placed in front of them that they began to talk again, Eren casting the topic away from himself out of pure habit.

“So you’re in Boston for Thanksgiving with your friends?”

“Yeah, Hanji and I are staying over. We’re tagging along with Mike and Erwin and going to their friend’s place tomorrow afternoon so they can do the magical gay uncles routine.” Eren snorted and took a bite out of his sandwich. “And then the four of us are going out for dinner in the evening.”

“But you aren’t seeing anyone today?”

“Mike and Erwin still had to work and Hanji won’t be in until late. I carpooled with some other friends because I didn’t want to deal with the holiday traffic but I’m pretty sure Auruo is going to pop the question tonight. Or at least Petra is expecting him to.”

“Oh. Wow. Adult things.”

“Adult things?”

“Holiday plans and proposing and stuff.”

“And stuff.” Eren blushed and pouted, his expression softening as he watched Levi laugh, the corners of his eyes crinkling as his lips pulled into a smile. This wasn’t a smile he had seen over the summer, this was something lighter and livelier and _happier_. Eren felt buoyed by that smile, letting go of his mild embarrassment in favor of appreciating this Levi in front of him, this Levi whose smile was easy and light and unforced. He revised his earlier assumption; this Levi in front of him was more likely to smile than to frown.

“So rather than third wheel it or wander around the city by yourself you decided to see what I was up to.” Eren winced, his words were cutting when he hadn’t meant for them to be. “Sorry, I didn’t–”

“No, that’s fair.” Levi’s smile was gone as he leaned back in his seat, his brow furrowed. “I wanted to see you, just turned out I didn’t need an excuse to ditch my friends for a bit. Honestly, I wasn’t sure if you’d even _want_ to.”

“What, that I wouldn’t want to see you?” Eren watched as Levi shrugged.

“Didn’t exactly end things on the most positive note.”

“We’ve been talking pretty regularly over the past couple of months… unless I’ve been texting someone else who _also_ teaches in Springfield and knows I go to Northeastern?”

“You know, I’m never sure how much texting actually means as far as conversation goes.”

“That’s because you’re old.”

“Don’t remind me. Hanji does it enough already.” Levi groaned and leaned forward, head tipping down and burying his face in his hands.

“Well, for the record, _I_ think texting counts as conversation.”

“Thanks for the reassurance.” His voice was muffled by his hands and Eren couldn’t help but feel a sharp tug of affection.

“Any time.”

 

Things were pleasant and friendly between them as they finished their food, Eren putting more effort than usual into being pleasant company, trying to find out if there were any other smiles that he hadn’t seen over the summer, any other easy and unguarded expressions that he’d missed in their strangely solemn and shimmering summer. He could see in retrospect that there was a patina of melancholy over those months and yet it hadn’t necessarily been _sad_ – last week of summer notwithstanding. In the here and now Eren could only feel suffused in warmth, kinder memories surfacing and washing over him as he looked across the table at Levi who in the lull of their conversation was now turned slightly in his seat, observing the wet snow falling and glittering under the streetlights. He watched as Levi sighed and pulled his phone out of his pocket, frowning as he looked at it.

“It’s later than I thought. Mike and Erwin are home and wondering where I am.”

“Didn’t tell them you were meeting up with me?”

“I told them I was meeting up with a friend and I’d be back around the same time as them.” Levi’s mouth quirked into an amused smile. “Which was an hour ago.”

“What time _is_ it?”

“Almost six.”

“Shit, Mikasa is meeting me at my dorm at seven and I’m not done packing.”

“I guess that’s our cue to leave then.”

They began to gather up their belongings and Eren pulled the check out from under one of the plates, squinting at the receipt and trying to decipher the server’s handwriting. He placed it down on the table again and reached for his wallet.

“It’s a little under eighteen. Our food was about the same price so… eleven each?” Eren watched as a smile spread across Levi’s face, soft and amused and somehow _proud_.

“I have two tens and a five; any singles?”

“I only have twenties.”

“Fuck it. It’s the holidays. I’ll put in fifteen, you throw in your twenty and take my five.”

“Sounds fair.”

Both of them tossed their bills on the table and grabbed their coats, shrugging into their coats and pulling on hats and scarves before grabbing their bags and heading out the door. Eren watched with some amusement as Levi pulled up his coat collar and burrowed his face into his scarf, tugging Eren’s spare hat further down in an attempt to fully cover his ears. Eren mirrored the action, pulling on the strings dangling from the earflaps of his hat, trying to cover more of his neck in lieu of a scarf. They walked slowly together, heading back towards the green line, letting the sound of traffic and the quiet patter of wet snow fill their silence. Everything felt somehow _right_ to Eren in that moment. This Levi with scattered snowflakes melting on the shoulders of his coat was different from the Levi with freckles spread across his shoulders in a similar fashion, but they weren’t different _people_. Together they made up a whole; the sun-warmed skin of his memory was the same skin that was now icy and pink from the cold and wind, the sadness of his mother and uncle’s deaths was still there just as this lightness had likely been just beneath even in the summer – he knew it had been, had seen it surface at points.

This Levi, cold and pale and walking beside him, was someone he wanted to know just as much as he had wanted to know that summer apparition. Wanted to know this Levi – solid and certain beside him – even better.

 

Eren and Levi sat together at the T stop, huddled on a bench beneath the station shelter that did little to stop the wind. The sound of traffic kicking up slush created a white noise behind them as Levi spoke up for the first time since they had left the café.

“This was nice.”

“Yeah, I had fun.” Eren took a breath. “Any chance you’ll be in Boston around Christmas?”

“I’m Jewish.”

“Oh.” Eren shifted awkwardly on the bench, uncertain as to how to react to Levi's blunt statement.

“I'm actually spending Christmas on the Cape at Hanji’s, but…” Levi watched Eren out of the corner of his eye. “I might be able to swing the weekend before. Though you’ll probably have finals then, so maybe not.”

“Contrary to popular belief I’m actually a pretty good student and it’s really only calculus that’s kicking my ass right now.”

“We’ll play it by ear. Let me know what your finals schedule looks like and we can figure it out from there.”

“Sounds like a plan.” Eren could feel a grin spreading across his face.

“And maybe next time we can have a plan for what to do ahead of time.”

“I think it worked out okay.”

“Yeah, it did.” The smile on Levi’s face made something warm and happy settle in Eren’s stomach as he smiled back.

They didn’t hug as the trolley approached. Eren wasn’t surprised that their farewell was nothing more than a nod – a nod was safe – but there was a fonder and warmer look on Levi’s face than he could have hoped for. He could feel something like hope swelling between them, not certain or sure but _possible_. And as the trolley pulled away Eren smiled to himself, watching it for a bit before turning and walking back to his dorm to finish packing.

He let memories wash over him as he walked and in spite of the cold he felt warm, as though it were summer again, the sun suffusing his skin with its own warmth. In the dark cold of late November he remembered the sun and the sand, solid fingers laced between his own as the dunes before them flared bright in the setting sun, the boundless calm water of the bay stretching out behind. Summer was time that could be measured in months or weeks or days or even hours, and his memories stretched like the ocean, endless and still while something ahead of him loomed bright and fascinating. Beyond that tall horizon was nothing familiar, not to be dreaded or even necessarily pursued; ahead of him time was filled with maybes and uncertainties both good and bad. And summer – summer with Levi was memories of deep blues and radiant oranges and yellows that he measured in hours stretching out behind him, hazy under the sun and now echoed by the hours ahead, everything glowing under the sodium lights lining the street.

These hours were golden, stretching out limitless in all directions, and in that moment Eren felt that same incandescent pull as though the ocean horizon stretched out before him; exhilarating and infinite in possibility.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The MFA is the [ Museum of Fine Arts](http://www.mfa.org/) and is pretty much across the street from Northeastern. Last fall/winter they had an [exhibit of Francisco de Goya's works](http://www.mfa.org/exhibitions/goya) that was one of the broadest and most encompassing shows of his worth in North America in decades and was just truly amazing. Like Eren, I too like the [Seated Giant](http://images.metmuseum.org/CRDImages/dp/web-large/DP819677.jpg) etching regardless of its provenance.
> 
> [The New England Aquarium](http://www.neaq.org/index.php?gclid=CKjhke6dhMoCFQ2HaQodMXwBGA) is pretty cool and if you go there it's pretty much just little kids and their parents and couples. It is very much a Date Spot.


End file.
